In this episode I am honoring my beautiful mother, Mary to celebrate Mother's Day and I am discussing with her what it was like to raise an ably different child. Come Roll with Us!
Support the showIn this episode I am honoring my beautiful mother, Mary to celebrate Mother's Day and I am discussing with her what it was like to raise an ably different child. Come Roll with Us!
Support the show(00:00.0 - 00:03.6)
(Instrumental Music)
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Queensss On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Yeahh Heyyy Queens On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Ooooo who Queens On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queens On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Queensssss
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Oooo who Queensss
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(Instrumental Music, Singing & Bell Chiming) Powerful Queens
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Hey, everyone, and welcome back to
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Queens On A Roll podcast.
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This is Latavia here, and since Sunday,
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May 8, is Mother's Day, I thought why
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not do a Mother's Day special episode
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So I have here with me my beautiful mother, Mary.
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(Clapping sound)
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Hey, ma
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Hi, Latavia.
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How are you today?
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I'm doing good.
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How are you doing? Can't complain.
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I'm doing fine.
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So since this Sunday, May 8, is Mother's Day, I
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decided to do a Mother Day special and interview you.
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That's excellent. I'm ready. Are you ready? Yes, I am.
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All right, let's roll.
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(Instrumental Music)
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So, mom, how was it raising an ably, different child?
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It was very hard and challenging.
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You were in a wheelchair at the age of two.
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I had a lot of equipment in the house.
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You had seating in the house.
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You had seating on the toilet, a stander.
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It was very hard, very hard, very challenging.
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Many doctor appointments, many surgeries.
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It just was a lot of hard work.
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Very, very interesting.
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What was it like when the
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doctors first diagnosed me with CP?
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Well, for 18 months, I kept asking what was wrong
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with you because you were not meeting the milestones.
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And they just kept saying it was from
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being in the incubator and from you not
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moving around and that you were just stiff.
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But I know that we're not supposed to look
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at other children that we've had compare them, but
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I just had to start doing a little bit
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of comparison because my son did a lot of
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things before 18 months that you were not doing.
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You just were not meeting the milestones.
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And so I took you to a neurologist.
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What milestones was I not meeting?
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Well, at 18 months, you were not sitting up.
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You were not crawling.
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You were very rigid.
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If somebody made a loud noise,
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you would startle very easy.
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You're sucking wasn't good.
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Just a lot of the motor skills were poor.
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So that led you to take me to a neurologist.
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What was that appointment like?
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That appointment was at a neurologist.
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They're the only ones that can make a
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determination on a child with neurological disorders.
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And so when I went in, we sat down.
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She explained to me, asked questions
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about your stay in the neonatal.
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And I informed her that I
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would have been seven months pregnant.
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And you were here about maybe two months
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and that you had a cardiac arrest.
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And so she explained to me, oh, then
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your daughter has cerebral palsy, spastic, quad.
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And if by the age of two, she's not sitting up by herself.
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That lets us know that she'll never walk.
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She'll be in a wheelchair.
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So I just started crying.
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And why did you start crying?
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Because I had worked with children and
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adults with cerebral palsy, and quite a
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few of them were in wheelchairs.
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And so I knew working with them was not easy.
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It was hard.
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We had to do therapy with them.
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It was hard trying to bathe them.
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It was hard with feeding a lot of times.
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So I just knew what my life was going to entail.
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Very interesting. Very interesting
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So what did your life entail?
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I know you said I had many different doctors.
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I had different type of equipment in the house.
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But once you first learn that diagnosis,
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how did you navigate through it?
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What was your next step?
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Well, I went to a lot of doctors.
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I immediately got you into therapy.
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I got you into a UCP program at 18 months.
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You started going to UCP and they
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started working with you with the therapies.
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I took you to outside therapies of course, I had
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the many doctor's appointments, and you started wearing braces.
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Back then, they used a technique called conductive Ed
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because also, too, your trunk was very poor.
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And so when you sat up, you
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would just fall forward and hang over.
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They used conductive ed to try to help
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you be able to strengthen the trunk so
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that you would be able to sit up.
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You had special chairs.
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It was a lot.
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And can you elaborate on what conductive Ed
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is for people that don't know conductive ed?
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They had a seat that you used to
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sit in and there was no back.
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It was more like a stool.
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There was no back to the stool.
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And they would have you sit in that strap you
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up, sit up on there, even though you fell down,
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they would ask you to sit up to strengthen your core.
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So many times I would go in there and I would
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see you bent down and see you struggling to sit up
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to see me, and I would get angry with them.
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But I have to say from my viewpoint that it worked.
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A lot of the therapies that
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they did with conductive ed.
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In my viewpoint, Imma say it again,
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it worked because you finally begin to sit up
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by yourself, not without support, but you were able
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to sit up and not have to fall over.
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You're able to hold your trunk better.
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So you alluded to the fact that I had a sibling.
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So it's fun fact time y'all.
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I know are y'all ready??
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(Instrumental Music)
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(Sound Effect Fun fact)
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That sibling is my brother, and he is
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16 and a half years older than me. I know. Shocking.
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I know.
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But you alluded to the fact that I have a sibling.
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So what was it like raising an ably different
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child and then having a teenager at home?
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So that was hard because teenagers
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still need you to parent them.
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And now I have a child that devotes all
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of my time, okay, I have to give this
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now child all of my time because of the
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many appointments, the many therapies the many surgeries.
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And so even though I tried to give my son time
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and still try to parent him because I was a single
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parent at the time, it was kind of hard.
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And sometimes I had to well, sometimes I could
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not do the things that I was able to
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do with him prior to having you.
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And so I didn't feel good about that. Right.
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And you know what?
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That's interesting.
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And that could be a great topic for future episodes
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to see how siblings feel when the other sibling is
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ably different, because I always wondered if he felt like
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I took up too much of your time and he
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didn't get enough of your time.
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So stay tuned, guys.
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Stay tuned.
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I may be interviewing my brother soon.
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I told you I got good content coming for you guys.
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That's good.
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That'll be good Tay. mmmhmm Definitely.
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So fast forward a couple of years.
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What was school like for me?
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Oh, my goodness.
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That was difficult in itself.
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I remember sitting down in the kindergarten exit.
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We had to come together and they held a meeting.
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And in that meeting, I had to state if
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you were going to go into General Ed or
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if you were going into Special Ed.
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And so I felt you had enough
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kindergarten skills to go into General Ed.
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So in the meeting, they're trying to
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convince me into going into Special Ed.
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And I'm convincing them that, no, I want my
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daughter to go into General Ed because you were
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smart enough to go into General Ed.
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Yes, you had deficits, but I did
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not feel that those deficits should have
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prevented you from going into General Ed.
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I'm not a naive parent.
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I said to them, if I see you cannot handle General
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Ed, then yes, she would have to go to special Ed.
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But at least let's try General Ed first.
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So we left there.
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I got you into general Ed.
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And the first day of kindergarten, all the
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kindergarteners had to meet in the cafeteria.
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And so I got there a little late.
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When we entered into the cafeteria, one of the
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teachers yelled up and said, Special Ed is downstairs.
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So everybody turned around and they looked at me.
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So I said, she's not in Special Ed.
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I said, she's in General Ed.
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And so I begin to hear the parents say,
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I don't want her in my daughter's classroom.
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I don't want her in my son's classroom.
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And Tavia looked at me and she said, mom.
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She said, they don't want me with their kids.
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So I said, Tay that's okay.
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I said, It's all right.
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I said, we're going into this room anyway,
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and we'll just take it from there.
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So that was hurtful for them to say that
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it was hurtful for them to see a wheelchair
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and judge that you were Special Ed.
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Yeah, I definitely remember that story, and
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I definitely remember how I feel.
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I plan on having an episode coming from
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my perspective, what school was like for me.
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So again, guys, stay tuned.
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Stay tuned.
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I have many of stories like that, unfortunately,
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but yeah, I definitely do remember that.
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So that was like during elementary school time.
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But I know it got really, really rough during middle school.
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Can you share because it is story time.
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Can you share a story that I
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had to go through in middle school?
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(Instrumental Music)
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Story time.
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So fast forward to middle school.
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I started hearing, oh, your daughter is a pioneer.
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She's a pioneer.
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Well, I got sick and tired of hearing.
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She was a pioneer okay because with that term came
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hard times for her that she would suffer being
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in general Ed and hearing general Ed.
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They're just not ready for
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somebody in a wheelchair yet.
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That's what I had to hear.
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Also, she's in the 6th grade.
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It's in the art class.
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She comes home and she said, mom, the art
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teacher, she said, I made this for you, mom.
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She said, but the art teachers, I mean, the para's name
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is on it because she said that she's the one who
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drew it and that her name had to go on the
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paper with mine because she's the one who drew the picture.
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So I said, what?
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So she said, yeah, that's what she said, mom,
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that made me very angry and upset because my
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daughter told her that it's not your picture.
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It's my picture.
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And why would you put your name on my picture?
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And then her reply to Latavia was,
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like I said, you didn't draw it.
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I'm the one who drew the picture.
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And so my name is staying on this picture.
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Well, everybody, you know, I don't know if Tavia
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told you the type of parent I am.
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You know, the school could not open up quick
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enough for me the very next day because I
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went right to the school with the picture straight
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into the principal's office, called the para downstairs
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The principal did.
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And I was giving her a piece of my mind.
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Yeah, if you guys don't know, my
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mom never takes no for an answer.
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And she is very strong willed and
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she will advocate for her child.
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But that is what I love the most about her.
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She will stick it out for me.
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She is my biggest supporter, my biggest champion, and
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when she needs to, especially during those young years,
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because now I kind of have the torch.
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Now I am my mother's child.
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She would definitely be in there with me.
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So I definitely appreciate you for that, mom.
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Definitely do fast forward to teenage
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years because, you know, teenage years.
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I was a typical teenager y'all.
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I rebelled something fierce. She sure did I mean I rebelled
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I was a typical teenager
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She sure did.
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What was it like now having a teenager who
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is ably different and who was also very
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strong, will strong minded and rebelled a little bit.
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So that was hard in itself because she
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wanted to do every single thing that the
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other girls that were physically able to do
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everything that they did, she wanted to do.
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But she did not understand that I was afraid
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to allow you to do it because of your
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weak motor skills and Tay's in a wheelchair.
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And so my feelings was, you
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can't do everything that they're doing.
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So here you have a child that is not physically
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fit to do anything for herself at that time, but
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yet with a mind of a able body teenager.
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So a lot of times we clashed on that front
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because her teenage mind is saying, I can do it.
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My motherly concerns and protection is
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saying that you can't do it.
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And so a lot of times that's where the arguments were.
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Yeah.
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And the arguments was definitely on.
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And I think that's an important point to drive home
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when you have no cognitive deficits, you begin to think
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and act just like an able body person.
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So for me, it was like, yeah, I can do everything.
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I just have to do it differently.
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You just won't let me do it because
(16:05.8 - 16:07.4)
you're afraid I'm going to break this.
(16:07.4 - 16:09.4)
or I'm going to hurt this, but I need
(16:09.5 - 16:11.0)
to try it out to see what it's like.
(16:11.1 - 16:14.2)
I want to try it and I want to see what it's like. yeah that was the push back
(16:14.4 - 16:17.5)
I never experienced it and I want to experience it.
(16:17.6 - 16:20.5)
I don't know what your problem is, but I never you know
(16:20.5 - 16:25.1)
being a teenager, you don't understand that motherly
(16:25.2 - 16:27.3)
instinct to always want to protect.
(16:27.4 - 16:30.5)
Now that I'm older and even though I don't have
(16:30.5 - 16:33.0)
children, I kind of understand it a little bit.
(16:33.2 - 16:35.1)
You want to safeguard and you
(16:35.1 - 16:36.4)
want to protect your child.
(16:36.6 - 16:38.4)
So I definitely get it now.
(16:38.6 - 16:40.6)
I would say another reason why we clashed
(16:40.6 - 16:43.1)
a lot is because once I became a
(16:43.1 - 16:46.2)
teenager, I didn't really want to do exercise y'all.
(16:46.2 - 16:48.3)
I didn't want to walk, I didn't want
(16:48.3 - 16:50.9)
to exercise, I didn't want to do therapy.
(16:51.0 - 16:52.8)
And my mom was like, you need to do all
(16:52.8 - 16:56.7)
these things to stay limber and keep yourself active.
(16:56.8 - 16:58.5)
And I was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.
(16:58.5 - 16:59.9)
I have all the time in the world to do
(17:00.0 - 17:02.3)
that, and I'm just going to be a teenager.
(17:02.4 - 17:03.9)
Yeah, that's how she was.
(17:04.2 - 17:06.0)
Did you find that difficult?
(17:06.8 - 17:13.5)
I found it difficult, but as you move on, you just start
(17:13.5 - 17:17.0)
giving in, I guess a little bit, a little bit you just give in.
(17:17.1 - 17:21.7)
And I started to look at things from her perspective and
(17:22.2 - 17:25.7)
started trying to move back a little so that she could
(17:25.7 - 17:29.3)
be more self sufficient, because I realized too, that one day
(17:29.3 - 17:32.0)
I'm not going to be here and I can't always be
(17:32.0 - 17:35.5)
there to pick her up and be in that protective mode.
(17:35.6 - 17:38.5)
So at some point I just gave in and I
(17:38.5 - 17:41.9)
started moving back a little bit to give her a
(17:41.9 - 17:45.8)
little more space so that she can become more independent.
(17:45.9 - 17:46.3)
Yeah.
(17:46.4 - 17:49.0)
I will say on my part, I think the
(17:49.1 - 17:52.4)
reason why I didn't want to exercise a lot
(17:52.6 - 17:57.0)
is because throughout my childhood and throughout my teenage
(17:57.0 - 17:59.8)
years, I had a lot of therapy and a
(17:59.8 - 18:02.9)
lot of surgeries, 18 different surgeries, to be exact.
(18:03.1 - 18:06.7)
So sometimes for me, from my perspective, as a child
(18:06.8 - 18:10.7)
growing up, it felt like I would gain mobility and
(18:10.7 - 18:13.1)
I would be on the strides to be more independent.
(18:13.2 - 18:16.7)
And then Lo and behold, I have to get hamstring
(18:16.8 - 18:20.5)
lengthening surgeries or my hip came out the socket.
(18:20.6 - 18:23.9)
And so from a person with cerebral palsy, when you
(18:23.9 - 18:27.4)
have surgeries, it's like starting over from square one.
(18:27.4 - 18:29.1)
You got to build your strength
(18:29.2 - 18:31.2)
back up from the beginning.
(18:31.3 - 18:33.4)
So it always felt like I would make
(18:33.4 - 18:36.2)
great strides and take 20 steps forward.
(18:36.3 - 18:38.3)
But uh oh a hip came out the socket.
(18:38.4 - 18:39.5)
Now you have to have the surgery.
(18:39.5 - 18:42.2)
Now you have to take 30 or 40 steps back.
(18:42.3 - 18:46.4)
So you reach the point where I have reached the point,
(18:46.4 - 18:48.8)
I should say, where I was just like, you know what?
(18:48.9 - 18:49.4)
Forget it.
(18:49.5 - 18:50.4)
And I'm going to live my life.
(18:50.5 - 18:52.4)
And whatever happened to my body just happened
(18:52.4 - 18:54.8)
to my body because I'm sick of making
(18:54.8 - 18:57.6)
progress and then having to go backwards.
(18:57.7 - 19:00.4)
So I think that was the pushback for me.
(19:00.5 - 19:03.2)
And I didn't quite I understood
(19:03.3 - 19:04.7)
where my mom was coming from.
(19:04.7 - 19:08.1)
But at that point in time in my life, I was
(19:08.1 - 19:10.5)
just like, yeah, well, I just want to live it.
(19:10.5 - 19:13.2)
And whatever happens, happens.
(19:13.4 - 19:16.2)
Now that I'm older, I realized that wasn't the
(19:16.3 - 19:20.0)
best approach to take because, boy, do things happen
(19:20.0 - 19:22.2)
to you as an adult when you have CP.
(19:22.4 - 19:24.0)
And we will definitely get into
(19:24.1 - 19:25.9)
that in a future episode.
(19:27.0 - 19:30.5)
But I definitely understand now where my mom
(19:30.5 - 19:32.4)
was coming from with all of that.
(19:32.5 - 19:36.2)
Well, hindsight, they say it's always 2020, right?
(19:36.3 - 19:37.5)
They do say that.
(19:37.6 - 19:39.9)
They do say that, and it is 2020.
(19:39.9 - 19:43.3)
I can guarantee you that there
(19:43.3 - 19:45.1)
is some truth to that statement.
(19:45.2 - 19:46.7)
I can guarantee you that.
(19:46.9 - 19:50.5)
Fast forward to adult life.
(19:50.6 - 19:51.6)
What do you think now?
(19:51.7 - 19:54.2)
Because you did allude to the fact that
(19:54.3 - 19:56.3)
you had to pull back a little bit.
(19:56.5 - 19:59.3)
And so it's always interesting because I've
(19:59.3 - 20:02.2)
always wondered you've had to play a
(20:02.2 - 20:05.8)
caregiver role practically my whole life. Right.
(20:05.9 - 20:09.9)
So what was it like watching me grow into this
(20:09.9 - 20:13.8)
independent woman and then realizing I don't necessarily have to
(20:13.8 - 20:17.0)
always play the caregiver role now I need to be
(20:17.0 - 20:20.0)
more of a support system and give advice when needed.
(20:20.2 - 20:22.0)
Did you kind of struggle with that a little
(20:22.0 - 20:25.1)
bit, even though you know you needed to do
(20:25.2 - 20:28.4)
that because you knew you had to depart the
(20:28.4 - 20:31.1)
Earth one day and I had to be independent?
(20:31.3 - 20:32.7)
Was it hard for you?
(20:32.9 - 20:36.1)
No, it wasn't hard because like you just said,
(20:36.2 - 20:39.9)
I know that I have to depart this Earth.
(20:40.2 - 20:44.3)
And so I'm sure all parents, some parents I'm
(20:44.3 - 20:47.1)
not going to say all some parents, when they
(20:47.1 - 20:51.1)
have children that are ably different many times, they
(20:51.2 - 20:53.8)
are concerned with what's going to happen to my
(20:53.8 - 20:55.4)
child when I'm no longer here.
(20:55.5 - 20:57.5)
And so that was always a concern
(20:57.6 - 20:59.4)
of mine that was always upfront.
(20:59.5 - 21:01.6)
I was concerned about what's going to happen
(21:01.6 - 21:03.0)
to her when I'm no longer here.
(21:03.0 - 21:06.4)
Yes, I have my siblings.
(21:06.5 - 21:08.7)
Yes, she has her brother.
(21:08.9 - 21:14.5)
But as a mother, that's just a concern that you have.
(21:14.7 - 21:18.6)
So I wanted her to be as independent as
(21:18.7 - 21:21.1)
possible so that when it was my time to
(21:21.2 - 21:24.4)
depart this Earth, I could be okay with that.
(21:24.6 - 21:26.5)
Knowing that she would be able to take care of
(21:26.5 - 21:31.3)
herself, knowing that she would be able, if not to
(21:31.3 - 21:34.5)
take care of herself, she's able to instruct someone on
(21:34.5 - 21:36.8)
what to do for her and how to do it.
(21:36.9 - 21:40.3)
So I was always i'm comfortable with that.
(21:40.3 - 21:42.3)
That's what I wanted as a parent.
(21:42.4 - 21:44.3)
I wanted to see that as a parent.
(21:44.4 - 21:48.4)
So you're educated, you're holding down a job.
(21:48.6 - 21:50.4)
You've started this podcast.
(21:50.5 - 21:52.1)
So I'm okay.
(21:52.2 - 21:54.9)
When my time comes to leave the Earth, I know
(21:54.9 - 21:56.7)
that you'll be able to take care of yourself.
(21:57.3 - 21:58.3)
That's interesting.
(21:58.5 - 22:01.8)
That's definitely interesting because I still feel at times
(22:02.6 - 22:05.9)
you assume the caregiver a role because even
(22:06.0 - 22:08.6)
now I say, Mom, I can do it. Let me do it.
(22:08.7 - 22:12.2)
And she'll jump in, you guys, and she'll do it for me.
(22:12.4 - 22:16.5)
But I think that sometimes too, because she'll say to
(22:16.5 - 22:18.6)
me, I can do it a little bit faster.
(22:19.4 - 22:20.6)
Just let me help you.
(22:20.6 - 22:21.7)
It'll go quicker.
(22:21.8 - 22:24.6)
And I'll be like, no, I don't want your help. I got it.
(22:24.6 - 22:26.3)
So maybe that's what it is.
(22:26.4 - 22:29.9)
Like, I know that I can help you.
(22:29.9 - 22:31.5)
So just let me hope it'll
(22:31.6 - 22:33.7)
make everything go faster and smoother.
(22:33.9 - 22:34.5)
What do you think?
(22:34.6 - 22:35.6)
Yeah, that's what it is.
(22:35.6 - 22:37.4)
I know that I can do it faster than you.
(22:37.5 - 22:39.2)
You're going to take a little more time.
(22:39.4 - 22:44.4)
And like you said, you just never stop being a parent.
(22:44.5 - 22:45.0)
That's it.
(22:45.1 - 22:48.3)
You never stop being a parent, your children are
(22:48.3 - 22:51.4)
your children until you leave or until they leave.
(22:51.5 - 22:54.3)
You just never, ever stop being a parent.
(22:54.4 - 22:55.6)
Yeah, I guess you're right.
(22:55.7 - 22:57.0)
I don't know what that's like yet,
(22:57.1 - 22:58.6)
because I don't have children yet.
(22:58.6 - 23:00.8)
But hopefully one day when I do
(23:00.9 - 23:03.3)
have children, I'll definitely figure that out.
(23:03.3 - 23:04.5)
But I guess you're right.
(23:04.5 - 23:07.2)
You definitely do never stop being a parent.
(23:07.4 - 23:10.4)
What do you think now that I've graduated College?
(23:10.5 - 23:14.7)
Because we know College was a struggle too, and you had
(23:14.8 - 23:18.2)
to be more hands off in that area too, because now
(23:18.2 - 23:20.8)
I was an adult and I had to advocate for myself.
(23:21.6 - 23:23.7)
What do you think now, seeing the woman
(23:23.7 - 23:25.5)
in front of you, what do you think?
(23:25.6 - 23:27.4)
Like, am I doing a good job or
(23:27.4 - 23:29.3)
I still got some more work to go?
(23:29.5 - 23:31.6)
I would say that you're doing a good job.
(23:32.0 - 23:37.3)
What I find is that I don't think a lot of
(23:37.4 - 23:43.0)
adults, I don't think they respect you as an adult.
(23:43.6 - 23:45.7)
And when I say that I'm going back and I'm
(23:45.7 - 23:48.5)
looking when you were in College, they thought it was
(23:48.5 - 23:51.4)
okay to talk to you any kind of way.
(23:51.5 - 23:52.7)
They thought it was okay.
(23:52.8 - 23:55.6)
If you ask them to do one thing, they
(23:55.7 - 23:57.6)
thought it was okay to do something else.
(23:57.7 - 24:00.1)
And so even in College, many times I had to
(24:00.1 - 24:05.3)
step in and I had to advocate even during those
(24:05.3 - 24:10.7)
times because they did not respect things that Latavia was
(24:10.8 - 24:17.1)
saying, I think you're good, you're doing a good job,
(24:17.1 - 24:19.5)
so just keep up the good work.
(24:19.6 - 24:22.5)
Yeah, I will say I agree with you on that point.
(24:22.6 - 24:24.6)
I feel like even in my career, I
(24:24.6 - 24:27.8)
feel like adults don't take me seriously.
(24:27.9 - 24:31.5)
I don't know if that's because I have a young face.
(24:31.6 - 24:35.1)
I started my career early or just like the
(24:35.2 - 24:40.4)
negative connotations that come with being ably different.
(24:40.4 - 24:43.0)
It's just probably because a lot
(24:43.0 - 24:44.9)
of people think you're not capable.
(24:45.0 - 24:47.9)
So it could be a bunch of other different things.
(24:48.0 - 24:50.7)
I'm not sure why, but I kind
(24:50.7 - 24:54.5)
of navigate it and just overcome it.
(24:54.8 - 25:18.8)
(Instrumental Music)
(25:18.9 - 25:24.3)
So as you said, you are a big advocate.
(25:24.8 - 25:29.0)
What are some of your advocacy strategies
(25:29.1 - 25:31.6)
that you would give to other parents?
(25:31.7 - 25:33.8)
Well, I would say that when you have that
(25:33.8 - 25:37.4)
exit meeting in kindergarten, if you feel your child
(25:37.4 - 25:40.6)
can handle general Ed, put them in general Ed.
(25:40.7 - 25:41.9)
It doesn't matter if your child
(25:41.9 - 25:43.3)
is in a wheelchair or not.
(25:43.4 - 25:46.3)
If you feel they can handle it, put them in general Ed.
(25:46.6 - 25:49.3)
When they get there, you see that they can't handle it.
(25:49.5 - 25:51.1)
Don't be too ashamed to say,
(25:51.1 - 25:54.0)
place my child in special Ed.
(25:55.9 - 26:00.1)
Many times parents see that there's a problem with
(26:00.1 - 26:02.8)
their child, but you want to act like you
(26:02.9 - 26:05.3)
don't see something that's wrong with your child.
(26:05.4 - 26:09.1)
Remember, early intervention is the best intervention.
(26:09.2 - 26:10.8)
So if you begin to see things
(26:10.9 - 26:13.1)
earlier on with your child, address it.
(26:13.2 - 26:14.7)
Then don't wait till the child
(26:14.8 - 26:16.9)
is five, six, seven years old.
(26:17.0 - 26:20.8)
When things can be done when they're at a younger age.
(26:21.8 - 26:24.4)
Something else I would say is that
(26:24.5 - 26:26.6)
the doctors will tell you everything.
(26:26.8 - 26:28.0)
Your child can't do this.
(26:28.0 - 26:29.7)
Your child can't do that. Okay.
(26:29.8 - 26:31.1)
Well, that's book knowledge.
(26:31.2 - 26:33.9)
At the end of the day, you're with your child.
(26:34.0 - 26:36.5)
If you see or you feel your child can
(26:36.6 - 26:39.9)
do something, don't be afraid to try it. Okay.
(26:40.0 - 26:43.3)
They told me that Tavia would never be potty trained.
(26:43.4 - 26:43.9)
All right.
(26:43.9 - 26:45.2)
So I heard what they said.
(26:45.3 - 26:46.7)
I didn't internalize it.
(26:46.8 - 26:49.3)
I didn't have that self fulfilled prophecy
(26:49.5 - 26:51.9)
that she'll never be potty trained.
(26:52.0 - 26:53.3)
I tried anyway.
(26:53.5 - 26:56.3)
I tried different techniques when it comes to learning.
(26:56.4 - 26:59.6)
If you see they have learning difficulties, try to find
(26:59.7 - 27:03.2)
creative ways in which to teach them to learn.
(27:03.3 - 27:05.7)
You have to be very creative today.
(27:05.8 - 27:08.6)
Don't just say the doctor said that this is
(27:08.6 - 27:10.5)
how it is, and so that's how it's going
(27:10.5 - 27:13.0)
to be, because that's not always true.
(27:13.4 - 27:15.5)
Sometimes it can be true, but it
(27:15.5 - 27:17.5)
doesn't always have to be true.
(27:17.6 - 27:18.7)
All I'm going to say is
(27:18.8 - 27:21.2)
keep trying, keep trying, keep trying.
(27:21.3 - 27:23.5)
That's what I can leave with them today.
(27:23.8 - 27:27.4)
So you heard it first from
(27:27.4 - 27:33.5)
my mom, guys, just keep trying.
(27:33.8 - 27:55.1)
(Instrumental Music)
(27:55.7 - 27:58.4)
Mom, we always do a quote in the episode.
(27:58.5 - 28:00.9)
So what's one of your favorite quotes
(28:00.9 - 28:02.7)
that you always like to say?
(28:02.8 - 28:05.4)
Well, I used to always tell Latavia,
(28:05.8 - 28:08.8)
Never let them see you sweat, okay?
(28:09.0 - 28:11.5)
And that was because many times throughout
(28:11.6 - 28:14.9)
her school career, many times teacher said
(28:15.0 - 28:17.9)
things to her that was hurtful.
(28:18.0 - 28:20.8)
I remember one time a teacher told her, she
(28:20.8 - 28:23.1)
said that she wanted to be a doctor.
(28:23.2 - 28:25.7)
The teacher told her, well, you'll never be a
(28:25.7 - 28:27.6)
doctor if you don't get up out that wheelchair.
(28:27.7 - 28:29.7)
Now, what is that for an adult to say?
(28:29.8 - 28:32.5)
So she came home crying.
(28:32.6 - 28:34.6)
I said, did you let her see you crying?
(28:34.7 - 28:35.6)
She said, no.
(28:35.7 - 28:36.8)
I said, that's right.
(28:36.9 - 28:39.0)
Never let em see you sweat.
(28:39.1 - 28:41.8)
And so that's what I used to always say to Tay.
(28:41.9 - 28:43.8)
And I say it today because sometimes
(28:43.9 - 28:46.4)
people are looking for a reaction, okay?
(28:46.5 - 28:48.2)
And many people are cruel.
(28:48.3 - 28:50.0)
I'm going to say that people are
(28:50.0 - 28:52.7)
cruel to people that are different.
(28:52.8 - 28:54.3)
And that's just how the world is.
(28:54.3 - 28:57.6)
And I used to always tell Latavia that, okay, even
(28:57.7 - 29:01.2)
today, all right, this is not a quote, but even today,
(29:01.3 - 29:04.1)
if Tay and I are together, somebody a look me dead
(29:04.1 - 29:07.7)
in my face and say, oh, she's cute, can she talk?
(29:07.9 - 29:10.3)
Since when a wheelchair determines if
(29:10.3 - 29:11.7)
somebody can talk or not.
(29:11.8 - 29:14.2)
And so I have to turn and look at them
(29:14.2 - 29:16.4)
and I'll say, ask her if she can talk.
(29:16.5 - 29:18.1)
So once she opens her mouth and they
(29:18.2 - 29:20.8)
see that she can talk, they're shocked and
(29:20.8 - 29:23.2)
they're hurt and they'll apologize for saying that.
(29:23.3 - 29:26.7)
So people out there, please be more
(29:27.2 - 29:30.9)
cognizant in what you say, cognizant in
(29:31.0 - 29:33.0)
how you view other people's children.
(29:33.2 - 29:35.2)
Just think about the things that you say,
(29:35.2 - 29:38.1)
because many times it can be hurtful. Okay?
(29:38.2 - 29:41.9)
So if you see somebody carrying a child and
(29:41.9 - 29:43.9)
the child looks like they're six or seven years
(29:44.0 - 29:46.5)
old, don't tell a child, get down and walk.
(29:46.6 - 29:48.9)
I was told that, too, okay?
(29:49.0 - 29:52.4)
She had to tell him, I would love to get down and walk.
(29:52.5 - 29:53.8)
I can't walk, sir.
(29:53.9 - 29:57.8)
So we have to be mindful of things that we say. Yes.
(29:57.9 - 30:01.1)
And I think I would definitely second that.
(30:01.2 - 30:04.2)
And I will also reiterate for new parents
(30:04.2 - 30:07.2)
for children out there who are ably different,
(30:07.3 - 30:10.7)
I would say, believe in your child.
(30:10.7 - 30:13.8)
Believe in your child, (Definitely) believe that your
(30:13.8 - 30:16.4)
child can be more definitely than what
(30:16.5 - 30:18.8)
the doctors say that they can.
(30:18.8 - 30:21.0)
Because to be honest, for me,
(30:21.2 - 30:23.9)
that was my biggest driving force.
(30:24.0 - 30:27.5)
There was times when I struggled with believing
(30:27.6 - 30:29.3)
in myself, like, can I do this?
(30:29.3 - 30:30.4)
Can I really do this?
(30:30.4 - 30:33.3)
Because throughout my College career, throughout my
(30:33.3 - 30:36.4)
school career, people lowered my self esteem.
(30:36.6 - 30:39.2)
And if it wasn't for my mom saying, I
(30:39.3 - 30:42.6)
see you being a productive member of society.
(30:42.7 - 30:44.8)
I see you out there working, I see you
(30:44.9 - 30:47.2)
driving, I see you doing these different things.
(30:47.2 - 30:51.8)
And believing that I could and working towards that, making
(30:51.9 - 30:54.6)
sure I had skills and to be able to do
(30:54.6 - 30:57.3)
that, I wouldn't be where I am today.
(30:57.5 - 31:02.8)
So, Mom, I truly, truly, truly have to say thank you. I love you.
(31:02.8 - 31:04.3)
I love you, too, Latavia.
(31:04.3 - 31:06.2)
And you know, the best way that I know
(31:06.3 - 31:09.9)
how to say thank you is by reciting a
(31:10.0 - 31:13.6)
poem that's always my go to emotion.
(31:13.7 - 31:17.0)
So I wrote a poem for you today on Mother's Day.
(31:17.1 - 31:17.8)
You're ready for it?
(31:17.8 - 31:20.1)
I'm ready for the poem.
(31:20.7 - 31:33.2)
(Instrumental Music)
(31:33.5 - 31:35.8)
So the poem is called I Vow.
(31:36.0 - 31:38.3)
I vow to always showcase the strength
(31:38.4 - 31:40.3)
and resilience you instilled in me.
(31:40.5 - 31:42.8)
I know I fussed and rebelled, especially
(31:42.9 - 31:44.2)
when you got on my case.
(31:44.3 - 31:46.6)
But that's why I vowed to love you tremendously
(31:46.7 - 31:49.0)
for the sacrifices you made to raise me.
(31:49.1 - 31:51.0)
You saw me or what I could be.
(31:51.1 - 31:53.7)
You were never ashamed of me, and you did not
(31:53.7 - 31:55.7)
say it is what it is or let it be.
(31:55.8 - 31:57.5)
And for that, I thank you.
(31:57.6 - 31:59.4)
I vowed to exude the happy,
(31:59.5 - 32:01.9)
caring, selfless spirit you have.
(32:02.0 - 32:04.5)
Because after all, I know I am your
(32:04.5 - 32:06.8)
daughter, and I hope I am and can
(32:06.8 - 32:09.4)
do the legacy you are leaving behind justice.
(32:09.5 - 32:11.9)
If I can give the world what you gave me,
(32:12.0 - 32:14.0)
I know the world would be a better place.
(32:14.1 - 32:17.1)
Heck, the world is a better place because you're in it.
(32:17.2 - 32:20.3)
I know sometimes being a mom can be a thankless job.
(32:20.4 - 32:23.6)
So I vow to always show you that I am forever grateful.
(32:23.7 - 32:26.7)
So shout out to you, mom, because this poem, and every day
(32:26.7 - 32:30.3)
is about showing you what a phenomenal woman you are.
(32:30.4 - 32:33.0)
You are my ride or die, my best friend.
(32:33.1 - 32:35.3)
And I love you now until the end of time.
(32:35.4 - 32:36.9)
Happy Mother's Day.
(32:37.1 - 32:46.5)
(Clapping sound)
(32:46.6 - 32:48.9)
Wow, Tay, that was wonderful.
(32:49.0 - 32:50.7)
Thank you so much. Tay.
(32:50.8 - 32:52.8)
That's a very nice poem.
(32:52.9 - 32:54.1)
You are so welcome.
(32:54.2 - 32:55.4)
You are so welcome.
(32:55.8 - 32:59.1)
So, everyone, that's all we have for you today.
(32:59.2 - 33:00.2)
Yes, it is.
(33:00.3 - 33:02.1)
Thank you for listening.
(33:02.1 - 33:04.1)
Thank you. Thank you
(33:04.2 - 33:06.0)
Thank you for sharing.
(33:06.0 - 33:07.9)
Thank you. Thank you
(33:07.9 - 33:13.0)
Thank you, mom, for being here with me today. You're welcome. You're welcome
(33:13.0 - 33:16.0)
And again, thank you guys for sharing. Thank you, guys.
(33:16.1 - 33:18.9)
We have over 180 downloads.
(33:19.0 - 33:20.0)
You guys are doing a good job.
(33:20.0 - 33:21.2)
Thank you so much.
(33:21.4 - 33:22.8)
Thank you, guys so much.
(33:22.9 - 33:28.4)
Can you please continue to subscribe, share and also, guys,
(33:28.5 - 33:32.1)
please leave any emails or any questions you may have,
(33:32.2 - 33:35.7)
anything that you would like us to know about the
(33:35.8 - 33:38.2)
podcast or any topics you may want.
(33:38.3 - 33:39.6)
You can always email
(33:39.8 - 33:44.2)
us at queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.
(33:44.3 - 33:46.8)
Again, that's queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.
(33:46.8 - 33:50.1)
You can also DM us on our
(33:50.1 - 33:53.1)
Instagram page, on our Facebook page.
(33:53.2 - 33:56.0)
Please let us know what you're thinking, what you would like
(33:56.1 - 33:58.4)
to see more of what you would like to hear.
(33:58.9 - 33:59.8)
All right.
(34:00.0 - 34:03.2)
And also, let's not forget Latavia if there are
(34:03.2 - 34:05.8)
any parents that are out there who needs
(34:05.8 - 34:10.5)
to know information about their child or children.
(34:10.9 - 34:15.7)
Also to put that into the DM also so that
(34:15.8 - 34:20.8)
we can answer those questions or Tavia said that she's
(34:20.8 - 34:23.7)
going to have an upcoming parents show and so maybe
(34:23.8 - 34:29.3)
we can answer those questions because I know like myself
(34:29.3 - 34:31.9)
I did not have anything out there.
(34:32.0 - 34:34.0)
There was nothing out here to help
(34:34.1 - 34:37.1)
me navigate this long, tedious journey.
(34:37.2 - 34:40.5)
So there's quite a few things out there today but
(34:40.9 - 34:45.5)
just dm like she said and thank you for listening.
(34:45.6 - 34:47.9)
Yeah, guys, thank you so much.
(34:48.6 - 34:51.0)
And also too that is a great point, mom.
(34:51.1 - 34:52.8)
They can send that information to our
(34:52.9 - 34:56.9)
email because you are like a encyclopedia of
(34:57.0 - 34:59.0)
resources and everything like that.
(34:59.1 - 35:01.8)
So if there are any parents out there listening that want
(35:01.8 - 35:05.1)
to know, just DM me any questions and I'll pass it
(35:05.1 - 35:08.3)
on to my mom and she'll be happy to answer.
(35:08.4 - 35:10.8)
And also any parents out there listening
(35:10.9 - 35:13.4)
there is a podcast called Mama Marias
(35:13.6 - 35:16.7)
and they focus specifically on helping parents
(35:16.8 - 35:19.3)
navigate having children who are ably different.
(35:19.5 - 35:21.5)
You should check out that podcast too.
(35:21.7 - 35:24.4)
It's a great wealth of information so
(35:24.5 - 35:26.5)
please go check out that podcast.
(35:26.5 - 35:28.2)
They're doing great as well.
(35:28.3 - 35:31.3)
And happy mother's day to all the mothers out
(35:31.3 - 35:34.2)
there and even some of the fathers because I
(35:34.2 - 35:36.8)
know some of the mothers are playing both the
(35:36.8 - 35:39.2)
mother and father role and some of the fathers
(35:39.3 - 35:41.1)
are playing the mother and father roll.
(35:41.2 - 35:43.9)
So happy mother's day to everyone out there.
(35:44.1 - 35:46.4)
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
(35:46.4 - 35:48.8)
Have a good one.
(35:48.8 - 35:49.9)
Have a good one.
(35:50.0 - 35:52.3)
We're rolling out rolling on out.
(35:53.0 - 36:19.7)
(Instrumental Music)
(36:21.8 - 36:23.0)
PLEASE go follow our insta @queensonaroll.podcast & FB Queens On A Roll & submit those questions to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com