Queens On A Roll

Episode 4: A Mother's Day Special

May 10, 2022 Latavia & Various Guests Season 1 Episode 4
Queens On A Roll
Episode 4: A Mother's Day Special
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode I am honoring my beautiful mother, Mary to celebrate Mother's Day  and I am discussing with her what it was like to raise an ably different child. Come Roll with Us!

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Queensss On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Yeahh Heyyy Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Ooooo who Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Queensssss

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Oooo who Queensss

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(Instrumental Music, Singing & Bell Chiming) Powerful Queens

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Hey, everyone, and welcome back to

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Queens On A Roll podcast.

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This is Latavia here, and since Sunday,

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May 8, is Mother's Day, I thought why

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not do a Mother's Day special episode

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So I have here with me my beautiful mother, Mary.

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(Clapping sound)

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Hey, ma

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Hi, Latavia.

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How are you today?

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I'm doing good.

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How are you doing? Can't complain.

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I'm doing fine.

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So since this Sunday, May 8, is Mother's Day, I

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decided to do a Mother Day special and interview you.

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That's excellent. I'm ready. Are you ready? Yes, I am.

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All right, let's roll.

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(Instrumental Music)

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So, mom, how was it raising an ably, different child?

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It was very hard and challenging.

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You were in a wheelchair at the age of two.

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I had a lot of equipment in the house.

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You had seating in the house.

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You had seating on the toilet, a stander.

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It was very hard, very hard, very challenging.

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Many doctor appointments, many surgeries.

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It just was a lot of hard work.

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Very, very interesting.

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What was it like when the

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doctors first diagnosed me with CP?

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Well, for 18 months, I kept asking what was wrong

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with you because you were not meeting the milestones.

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And they just kept saying it was from

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being in the incubator and from you not

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moving around and that you were just stiff.

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But I know that we're not supposed to look

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at other children that we've had compare them, but

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I just had to start doing a little bit

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of comparison because my son did a lot of

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things before 18 months that you were not doing.

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You just were not meeting the milestones.

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And so I took you to a neurologist.

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What milestones was I not meeting?

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Well, at 18 months, you were not sitting up.

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You were not crawling.

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You were very rigid.

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If somebody made a loud noise,

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you would startle very easy.

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You're sucking wasn't good.

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Just a lot of the motor skills were poor.

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So that led you to take me to a neurologist.

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What was that appointment like?

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That appointment was at a neurologist.

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They're the only ones that can make a

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determination on a child with neurological disorders.

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And so when I went in, we sat down.

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She explained to me, asked questions

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about your stay in the neonatal.

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And I informed her that I

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would have been seven months pregnant.

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And you were here about maybe two months

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and that you had a cardiac arrest.

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And so she explained to me, oh, then

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your daughter has cerebral palsy, spastic, quad.

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And if by the age of two, she's not sitting up by herself.

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That lets us know that she'll never walk.

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She'll be in a wheelchair.

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So I just started crying.

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And why did you start crying?

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Because I had worked with children and

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adults with cerebral palsy, and quite a

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few of them were in wheelchairs.

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And so I knew working with them was not easy.

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It was hard.

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We had to do therapy with them.

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It was hard trying to bathe them.

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It was hard with feeding a lot of times.

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So I just knew what my life was going to entail.

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Very interesting. Very interesting

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So what did your life entail?

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I know you said I had many different doctors.

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I had different type of equipment in the house.

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But once you first learn that diagnosis,

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how did you navigate through it?

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What was your next step?

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Well, I went to a lot of doctors.

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I immediately got you into therapy.

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I got you into a UCP program at 18 months.

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You started going to UCP and they

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started working with you with the therapies.

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I took you to outside therapies of course, I had

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the many doctor's appointments, and you started wearing braces.

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Back then, they used a technique called conductive Ed

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because also, too, your trunk was very poor.

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And so when you sat up, you

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would just fall forward and hang over.

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They used conductive ed to try to help

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you be able to strengthen the trunk so

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that you would be able to sit up.

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You had special chairs.

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It was a lot.

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And can you elaborate on what conductive Ed

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is for people that don't know conductive ed?

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They had a seat that you used to

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sit in and there was no back.

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It was more like a stool.

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There was no back to the stool.

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And they would have you sit in that strap you

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up, sit up on there, even though you fell down,

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they would ask you to sit up to strengthen your core.

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So many times I would go in there and I would

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see you bent down and see you struggling to sit up

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to see me, and I would get angry with them.

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But I have to say from my viewpoint that it worked.

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A lot of the therapies that

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they did with conductive ed.

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In my viewpoint, Imma say it again,

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it worked because you finally begin to sit up

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by yourself, not without support, but you were able

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to sit up and not have to fall over.

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You're able to hold your trunk better.

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So you alluded to the fact that I had a sibling.

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So it's fun fact time y'all.

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I know are y'all ready??

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Sound Effect Fun fact)

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That sibling is my brother, and he is

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16 and a half years older than me. I know. Shocking.

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I know.

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But you alluded to the fact that I have a sibling.

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So what was it like raising an ably different

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child and then having a teenager at home?

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So that was hard because teenagers

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still need you to parent them.

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And now I have a child that devotes all

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of my time, okay, I have to give this

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now child all of my time because of the

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many appointments, the many therapies the many surgeries.

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And so even though I tried to give my son time

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and still try to parent him because I was a single

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parent at the time, it was kind of hard.

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And sometimes I had to well, sometimes I could

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not do the things that I was able to

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do with him prior to having you.

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And so I didn't feel good about that. Right.

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And you know what?

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That's interesting.

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And that could be a great topic for future episodes

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to see how siblings feel when the other sibling is

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ably different, because I always wondered if he felt like

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I took up too much of your time and he

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didn't get enough of your time.

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So stay tuned, guys.

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Stay tuned.

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I may be interviewing my brother soon.

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I told you I got good content coming for you guys.

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That's good.

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That'll be good Tay. mmmhmm Definitely.

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So fast forward a couple of years.

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What was school like for me?

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Oh, my goodness.

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That was difficult in itself.

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I remember sitting down in the kindergarten exit.

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We had to come together and they held a meeting.

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And in that meeting, I had to state if

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you were going to go into General Ed or

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if you were going into Special Ed.

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And so I felt you had enough

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kindergarten skills to go into General Ed.

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So in the meeting, they're trying to

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convince me into going into Special Ed.

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And I'm convincing them that, no, I want my

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daughter to go into General Ed because you were

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smart enough to go into General Ed.

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Yes, you had deficits, but I did

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not feel that those deficits should have

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prevented you from going into General Ed.

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I'm not a naive parent.

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I said to them, if I see you cannot handle General

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Ed, then yes, she would have to go to special Ed.

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But at least let's try General Ed first.

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So we left there.

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I got you into general Ed.

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And the first day of kindergarten, all the

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kindergarteners had to meet in the cafeteria.

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And so I got there a little late.

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When we entered into the cafeteria, one of the

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teachers yelled up and said, Special Ed is downstairs.

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So everybody turned around and they looked at me.

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So I said, she's not in Special Ed.

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I said, she's in General Ed.

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And so I begin to hear the parents say,

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I don't want her in my daughter's classroom.

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I don't want her in my son's classroom.

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And Tavia looked at me and she said, mom.

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She said, they don't want me with their kids.

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So I said, Tay that's okay.

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I said, It's all right.

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I said, we're going into this room anyway,

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and we'll just take it from there.

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So that was hurtful for them to say that

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it was hurtful for them to see a wheelchair

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and judge that you were Special Ed.

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Yeah, I definitely remember that story, and

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I definitely remember how I feel.

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I plan on having an episode coming from

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my perspective, what school was like for me.

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So again, guys, stay tuned.

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Stay tuned.

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I have many of stories like that, unfortunately,

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but yeah, I definitely do remember that.

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So that was like during elementary school time.

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But I know it got really, really rough during middle school.

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Can you share because it is story time.

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Can you share a story that I

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had to go through in middle school?

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(Instrumental Music)

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Story time.

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So fast forward to middle school.

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I started hearing, oh, your daughter is a pioneer.

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She's a pioneer.

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Well, I got sick and tired of hearing.

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She was a pioneer okay because with that term came

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hard times for her that she would suffer being

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in general Ed and hearing general Ed.

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They're just not ready for

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somebody in a wheelchair yet.

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That's what I had to hear.

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Also, she's in the 6th grade.

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It's in the art class.

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She comes home and she said, mom, the art

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teacher, she said, I made this for you, mom.

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She said, but the art teachers, I mean, the para's name

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is on it because she said that she's the one who

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drew it and that her name had to go on the

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paper with mine because she's the one who drew the picture.

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So I said, what?

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So she said, yeah, that's what she said, mom,

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that made me very angry and upset because my

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daughter told her that it's not your picture.

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It's my picture.

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And why would you put your name on my picture?

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And then her reply to Latavia was,

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like I said, you didn't draw it.

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I'm the one who drew the picture.

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And so my name is staying on this picture.

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Well, everybody, you know, I don't know if Tavia

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told you the type of parent I am.

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You know, the school could not open up quick

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enough for me the very next day because I

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went right to the school with the picture straight

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into the principal's office, called the para downstairs

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The principal did.

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And I was giving her a piece of my mind.

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Yeah, if you guys don't know, my

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mom never takes no for an answer.

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And she is very strong willed and

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she will advocate for her child.

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But that is what I love the most about her.

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She will stick it out for me.

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She is my biggest supporter, my biggest champion, and

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when she needs to, especially during those young years,

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because now I kind of have the torch.

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Now I am my mother's child.

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She would definitely be in there with me.

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So I definitely appreciate you for that, mom.

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Definitely do fast forward to teenage

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years because, you know, teenage years.

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I was a typical teenager y'all.

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I rebelled something fierce. She sure did I mean I rebelled

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I was a typical teenager

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She sure did.

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What was it like now having a teenager who

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is ably different and who was also very

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strong, will strong minded and rebelled a little bit.

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So that was hard in itself because she

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wanted to do every single thing that the

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other girls that were physically able to do

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everything that they did, she wanted to do.

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But she did not understand that I was afraid

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to allow you to do it because of your

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weak motor skills and Tay's in a wheelchair.

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And so my feelings was, you

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can't do everything that they're doing.

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So here you have a child that is not physically

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fit to do anything for herself at that time, but

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yet with a mind of a able body teenager.

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So a lot of times we clashed on that front

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because her teenage mind is saying, I can do it.

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My motherly concerns and protection is

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saying that you can't do it.

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And so a lot of times that's where the arguments were.

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Yeah.

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And the arguments was definitely on.

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And I think that's an important point to drive home

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when you have no cognitive deficits, you begin to think

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and act just like an able body person.

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So for me, it was like, yeah, I can do everything.

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I just have to do it differently.

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You just won't let me do it because

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you're afraid I'm going to break this.

(16:07.4 - 16:09.4)

or I'm going to hurt this, but I need

(16:09.5 - 16:11.0)

to try it out to see what it's like.

(16:11.1 - 16:14.2)

I want to try it and I want to see what it's like. yeah that was the push back

(16:14.4 - 16:17.5)

I never experienced it and I want to experience it.

(16:17.6 - 16:20.5)

I don't know what your problem is, but I never you know

(16:20.5 - 16:25.1)

being a teenager, you don't understand that motherly

(16:25.2 - 16:27.3)

instinct to always want to protect.

(16:27.4 - 16:30.5)

Now that I'm older and even though I don't have

(16:30.5 - 16:33.0)

children, I kind of understand it a little bit.

(16:33.2 - 16:35.1)

You want to safeguard and you

(16:35.1 - 16:36.4)

want to protect your child.

(16:36.6 - 16:38.4)

So I definitely get it now.

(16:38.6 - 16:40.6)

I would say another reason why we clashed

(16:40.6 - 16:43.1)

a lot is because once I became a

(16:43.1 - 16:46.2)

teenager, I didn't really want to do exercise y'all.

(16:46.2 - 16:48.3)

I didn't want to walk, I didn't want

(16:48.3 - 16:50.9)

to exercise, I didn't want to do therapy.

(16:51.0 - 16:52.8)

And my mom was like, you need to do all

(16:52.8 - 16:56.7)

these things to stay limber and keep yourself active.

(16:56.8 - 16:58.5)

And I was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.

(16:58.5 - 16:59.9)

I have all the time in the world to do

(17:00.0 - 17:02.3)

that, and I'm just going to be a teenager.

(17:02.4 - 17:03.9)

Yeah, that's how she was.

(17:04.2 - 17:06.0)

Did you find that difficult?

(17:06.8 - 17:13.5)

I found it difficult, but as you move on, you just start

(17:13.5 - 17:17.0)

giving in, I guess a little bit, a little bit you just give in.

(17:17.1 - 17:21.7)

And I started to look at things from her perspective and

(17:22.2 - 17:25.7)

started trying to move back a little so that she could

(17:25.7 - 17:29.3)

be more self sufficient, because I realized too, that one day

(17:29.3 - 17:32.0)

I'm not going to be here and I can't always be

(17:32.0 - 17:35.5)

there to pick her up and be in that protective mode.

(17:35.6 - 17:38.5)

So at some point I just gave in and I

(17:38.5 - 17:41.9)

started moving back a little bit to give her a

(17:41.9 - 17:45.8)

little more space so that she can become more independent.

(17:45.9 - 17:46.3)

Yeah.

(17:46.4 - 17:49.0)

I will say on my part, I think the

(17:49.1 - 17:52.4)

reason why I didn't want to exercise a lot

(17:52.6 - 17:57.0)

is because throughout my childhood and throughout my teenage

(17:57.0 - 17:59.8)

years, I had a lot of therapy and a

(17:59.8 - 18:02.9)

lot of surgeries, 18 different surgeries, to be exact.

(18:03.1 - 18:06.7)

So sometimes for me, from my perspective, as a child

(18:06.8 - 18:10.7)

growing up, it felt like I would gain mobility and

(18:10.7 - 18:13.1)

I would be on the strides to be more independent.

(18:13.2 - 18:16.7)

And then Lo and behold, I have to get hamstring

(18:16.8 - 18:20.5)

lengthening surgeries or my hip came out the socket.

(18:20.6 - 18:23.9)

And so from a person with cerebral palsy, when you

(18:23.9 - 18:27.4)

have surgeries, it's like starting over from square one.

(18:27.4 - 18:29.1)

You got to build your strength

(18:29.2 - 18:31.2)

back up from the beginning.

(18:31.3 - 18:33.4)

So it always felt like I would make

(18:33.4 - 18:36.2)

great strides and take 20 steps forward.

(18:36.3 - 18:38.3)

But uh oh a hip came out the socket.

(18:38.4 - 18:39.5)

Now you have to have the surgery.

(18:39.5 - 18:42.2)

Now you have to take 30 or 40 steps back.

(18:42.3 - 18:46.4)

So you reach the point where I have reached the point,

(18:46.4 - 18:48.8)

I should say, where I was just like, you know what?

(18:48.9 - 18:49.4)

Forget it.

(18:49.5 - 18:50.4)

And I'm going to live my life.

(18:50.5 - 18:52.4)

And whatever happened to my body just happened

(18:52.4 - 18:54.8)

to my body because I'm sick of making

(18:54.8 - 18:57.6)

progress and then having to go backwards.

(18:57.7 - 19:00.4)

So I think that was the pushback for me.

(19:00.5 - 19:03.2)

And I didn't quite I understood

(19:03.3 - 19:04.7)

where my mom was coming from.

(19:04.7 - 19:08.1)

But at that point in time in my life, I was

(19:08.1 - 19:10.5)

just like, yeah, well, I just want to live it.

(19:10.5 - 19:13.2)

And whatever happens, happens.

(19:13.4 - 19:16.2)

Now that I'm older, I realized that wasn't the

(19:16.3 - 19:20.0)

best approach to take because, boy, do things happen

(19:20.0 - 19:22.2)

to you as an adult when you have CP.

(19:22.4 - 19:24.0)

And we will definitely get into

(19:24.1 - 19:25.9)

that in a future episode.

(19:27.0 - 19:30.5)

But I definitely understand now where my mom

(19:30.5 - 19:32.4)

was coming from with all of that.

(19:32.5 - 19:36.2)

Well, hindsight, they say it's always 2020, right?

(19:36.3 - 19:37.5)

They do say that.

(19:37.6 - 19:39.9)

They do say that, and it is 2020.

(19:39.9 - 19:43.3)

I can guarantee you that there

(19:43.3 - 19:45.1)

is some truth to that statement.

(19:45.2 - 19:46.7)

I can guarantee you that.

(19:46.9 - 19:50.5)

Fast forward to adult life.

(19:50.6 - 19:51.6)

What do you think now?

(19:51.7 - 19:54.2)

Because you did allude to the fact that

(19:54.3 - 19:56.3)

you had to pull back a little bit.

(19:56.5 - 19:59.3)

And so it's always interesting because I've

(19:59.3 - 20:02.2)

always wondered you've had to play a

(20:02.2 - 20:05.8)

caregiver role practically my whole life. Right.

(20:05.9 - 20:09.9)

So what was it like watching me grow into this

(20:09.9 - 20:13.8)

independent woman and then realizing I don't necessarily have to

(20:13.8 - 20:17.0)

always play the caregiver role now I need to be

(20:17.0 - 20:20.0)

more of a support system and give advice when needed.

(20:20.2 - 20:22.0)

Did you kind of struggle with that a little

(20:22.0 - 20:25.1)

bit, even though you know you needed to do

(20:25.2 - 20:28.4)

that because you knew you had to depart the

(20:28.4 - 20:31.1)

Earth one day and I had to be independent?

(20:31.3 - 20:32.7)

Was it hard for you?

(20:32.9 - 20:36.1)

No, it wasn't hard because like you just said,

(20:36.2 - 20:39.9)

I know that I have to depart this Earth.

(20:40.2 - 20:44.3)

And so I'm sure all parents, some parents I'm

(20:44.3 - 20:47.1)

not going to say all some parents, when they

(20:47.1 - 20:51.1)

have children that are ably different many times, they

(20:51.2 - 20:53.8)

are concerned with what's going to happen to my

(20:53.8 - 20:55.4)

child when I'm no longer here.

(20:55.5 - 20:57.5)

And so that was always a concern

(20:57.6 - 20:59.4)

of mine that was always upfront.

(20:59.5 - 21:01.6)

I was concerned about what's going to happen

(21:01.6 - 21:03.0)

to her when I'm no longer here.

(21:03.0 - 21:06.4)

Yes, I have my siblings.

(21:06.5 - 21:08.7)

Yes, she has her brother.

(21:08.9 - 21:14.5)

But as a mother, that's just a concern that you have.

(21:14.7 - 21:18.6)

So I wanted her to be as independent as

(21:18.7 - 21:21.1)

possible so that when it was my time to

(21:21.2 - 21:24.4)

depart this Earth, I could be okay with that.

(21:24.6 - 21:26.5)

Knowing that she would be able to take care of

(21:26.5 - 21:31.3)

herself, knowing that she would be able, if not to

(21:31.3 - 21:34.5)

take care of herself, she's able to instruct someone on

(21:34.5 - 21:36.8)

what to do for her and how to do it.

(21:36.9 - 21:40.3)

So I was always i'm comfortable with that.

(21:40.3 - 21:42.3)

That's what I wanted as a parent.

(21:42.4 - 21:44.3)

I wanted to see that as a parent.

(21:44.4 - 21:48.4)

So you're educated, you're holding down a job.

(21:48.6 - 21:50.4)

You've started this podcast.

(21:50.5 - 21:52.1)

So I'm okay.

(21:52.2 - 21:54.9)

When my time comes to leave the Earth, I know

(21:54.9 - 21:56.7)

that you'll be able to take care of yourself.

(21:57.3 - 21:58.3)

That's interesting.

(21:58.5 - 22:01.8)

That's definitely interesting because I still feel at times

(22:02.6 - 22:05.9)

you assume the caregiver a role because even

(22:06.0 - 22:08.6)

now I say, Mom, I can do it. Let me do it.

(22:08.7 - 22:12.2)

And she'll jump in, you guys, and she'll do it for me.

(22:12.4 - 22:16.5)

But I think that sometimes too, because she'll say to

(22:16.5 - 22:18.6)

me, I can do it a little bit faster.

(22:19.4 - 22:20.6)

Just let me help you.

(22:20.6 - 22:21.7)

It'll go quicker.

(22:21.8 - 22:24.6)

And I'll be like, no, I don't want your help. I got it.

(22:24.6 - 22:26.3)

So maybe that's what it is.

(22:26.4 - 22:29.9)

Like, I know that I can help you.

(22:29.9 - 22:31.5)

So just let me hope it'll

(22:31.6 - 22:33.7)

make everything go faster and smoother.

(22:33.9 - 22:34.5)

What do you think?

(22:34.6 - 22:35.6)

Yeah, that's what it is.

(22:35.6 - 22:37.4)

I know that I can do it faster than you.

(22:37.5 - 22:39.2)

You're going to take a little more time.

(22:39.4 - 22:44.4)

And like you said, you just never stop being a parent.

(22:44.5 - 22:45.0)

That's it.

(22:45.1 - 22:48.3)

You never stop being a parent, your children are

(22:48.3 - 22:51.4)

your children until you leave or until they leave.

(22:51.5 - 22:54.3)

You just never, ever stop being a parent.

(22:54.4 - 22:55.6)

Yeah, I guess you're right.

(22:55.7 - 22:57.0)

I don't know what that's like yet,

(22:57.1 - 22:58.6)

because I don't have children yet.

(22:58.6 - 23:00.8)

But hopefully one day when I do

(23:00.9 - 23:03.3)

have children, I'll definitely figure that out.

(23:03.3 - 23:04.5)

But I guess you're right.

(23:04.5 - 23:07.2)

You definitely do never stop being a parent.

(23:07.4 - 23:10.4)

What do you think now that I've graduated College?

(23:10.5 - 23:14.7)

Because we know College was a struggle too, and you had

(23:14.8 - 23:18.2)

to be more hands off in that area too, because now

(23:18.2 - 23:20.8)

I was an adult and I had to advocate for myself.

(23:21.6 - 23:23.7)

What do you think now, seeing the woman

(23:23.7 - 23:25.5)

in front of you, what do you think?

(23:25.6 - 23:27.4)

Like, am I doing a good job or

(23:27.4 - 23:29.3)

I still got some more work to go?

(23:29.5 - 23:31.6)

I would say that you're doing a good job.

(23:32.0 - 23:37.3)

What I find is that I don't think a lot of

(23:37.4 - 23:43.0)

adults, I don't think they respect you as an adult.

(23:43.6 - 23:45.7)

And when I say that I'm going back and I'm

(23:45.7 - 23:48.5)

looking when you were in College, they thought it was

(23:48.5 - 23:51.4)

okay to talk to you any kind of way.

(23:51.5 - 23:52.7)

They thought it was okay.

(23:52.8 - 23:55.6)

If you ask them to do one thing, they

(23:55.7 - 23:57.6)

thought it was okay to do something else.

(23:57.7 - 24:00.1)

And so even in College, many times I had to

(24:00.1 - 24:05.3)

step in and I had to advocate even during those

(24:05.3 - 24:10.7)

times because they did not respect things that Latavia was

(24:10.8 - 24:17.1)

saying, I think you're good, you're doing a good job,

(24:17.1 - 24:19.5)

so just keep up the good work.

(24:19.6 - 24:22.5)

Yeah, I will say I agree with you on that point.

(24:22.6 - 24:24.6)

I feel like even in my career, I

(24:24.6 - 24:27.8)

feel like adults don't take me seriously.

(24:27.9 - 24:31.5)

I don't know if that's because I have a young face.

(24:31.6 - 24:35.1)

I started my career early or just like the

(24:35.2 - 24:40.4)

negative connotations that come with being ably different.

(24:40.4 - 24:43.0)

It's just probably because a lot

(24:43.0 - 24:44.9)

of people think you're not capable.

(24:45.0 - 24:47.9)

So it could be a bunch of other different things.

(24:48.0 - 24:50.7)

I'm not sure why, but I kind

(24:50.7 - 24:54.5)

of navigate it and just overcome it.

(24:54.8 - 25:18.8)

(Instrumental Music)

(25:18.9 - 25:24.3)

So as you said, you are a big advocate.

(25:24.8 - 25:29.0)

What are some of your advocacy strategies

(25:29.1 - 25:31.6)

that you would give to other parents?

(25:31.7 - 25:33.8)

Well, I would say that when you have that

(25:33.8 - 25:37.4)

exit meeting in kindergarten, if you feel your child

(25:37.4 - 25:40.6)

can handle general Ed, put them in general Ed.

(25:40.7 - 25:41.9)

It doesn't matter if your child

(25:41.9 - 25:43.3)

is in a wheelchair or not.

(25:43.4 - 25:46.3)

If you feel they can handle it, put them in general Ed.

(25:46.6 - 25:49.3)

When they get there, you see that they can't handle it.

(25:49.5 - 25:51.1)

Don't be too ashamed to say,

(25:51.1 - 25:54.0)

place my child in special Ed.

(25:55.9 - 26:00.1)

Many times parents see that there's a problem with

(26:00.1 - 26:02.8)

their child, but you want to act like you

(26:02.9 - 26:05.3)

don't see something that's wrong with your child.

(26:05.4 - 26:09.1)

Remember, early intervention is the best intervention.

(26:09.2 - 26:10.8)

So if you begin to see things

(26:10.9 - 26:13.1)

earlier on with your child, address it.

(26:13.2 - 26:14.7)

Then don't wait till the child

(26:14.8 - 26:16.9)

is five, six, seven years old.

(26:17.0 - 26:20.8)

When things can be done when they're at a younger age.

(26:21.8 - 26:24.4)

Something else I would say is that

(26:24.5 - 26:26.6)

the doctors will tell you everything.

(26:26.8 - 26:28.0)

Your child can't do this.

(26:28.0 - 26:29.7)

Your child can't do that. Okay.

(26:29.8 - 26:31.1)

Well, that's book knowledge.

(26:31.2 - 26:33.9)

At the end of the day, you're with your child.

(26:34.0 - 26:36.5)

If you see or you feel your child can

(26:36.6 - 26:39.9)

do something, don't be afraid to try it. Okay.

(26:40.0 - 26:43.3)

They told me that Tavia would never be potty trained.

(26:43.4 - 26:43.9)

All right.

(26:43.9 - 26:45.2)

So I heard what they said.

(26:45.3 - 26:46.7)

I didn't internalize it.

(26:46.8 - 26:49.3)

I didn't have that self fulfilled prophecy

(26:49.5 - 26:51.9)

that she'll never be potty trained.

(26:52.0 - 26:53.3)

I tried anyway.

(26:53.5 - 26:56.3)

I tried different techniques when it comes to learning.

(26:56.4 - 26:59.6)

If you see they have learning difficulties, try to find

(26:59.7 - 27:03.2)

creative ways in which to teach them to learn.

(27:03.3 - 27:05.7)

You have to be very creative today.

(27:05.8 - 27:08.6)

Don't just say the doctor said that this is

(27:08.6 - 27:10.5)

how it is, and so that's how it's going

(27:10.5 - 27:13.0)

to be, because that's not always true.

(27:13.4 - 27:15.5)

Sometimes it can be true, but it

(27:15.5 - 27:17.5)

doesn't always have to be true.

(27:17.6 - 27:18.7)

All I'm going to say is

(27:18.8 - 27:21.2)

keep trying, keep trying, keep trying.

(27:21.3 - 27:23.5)

That's what I can leave with them today.

(27:23.8 - 27:27.4)

So you heard it first from

(27:27.4 - 27:33.5)

my mom, guys, just keep trying.

(27:33.8 - 27:55.1)

(Instrumental Music)

(27:55.7 - 27:58.4)

Mom, we always do a quote in the episode.

(27:58.5 - 28:00.9)

So what's one of your favorite quotes

(28:00.9 - 28:02.7)

that you always like to say?

(28:02.8 - 28:05.4)

Well, I used to always tell Latavia,

(28:05.8 - 28:08.8)

Never let them see you sweat, okay?

(28:09.0 - 28:11.5)

And that was because many times throughout

(28:11.6 - 28:14.9)

her school career, many times teacher said

(28:15.0 - 28:17.9)

things to her that was hurtful.

(28:18.0 - 28:20.8)

I remember one time a teacher told her, she

(28:20.8 - 28:23.1)

said that she wanted to be a doctor.

(28:23.2 - 28:25.7)

The teacher told her, well, you'll never be a

(28:25.7 - 28:27.6)

doctor if you don't get up out that wheelchair.

(28:27.7 - 28:29.7)

Now, what is that for an adult to say?

(28:29.8 - 28:32.5)

So she came home crying.

(28:32.6 - 28:34.6)

I said, did you let her see you crying?

(28:34.7 - 28:35.6)

She said, no.

(28:35.7 - 28:36.8)

I said, that's right.

(28:36.9 - 28:39.0)

Never let em see you sweat.

(28:39.1 - 28:41.8)

And so that's what I used to always say to Tay.

(28:41.9 - 28:43.8)

And I say it today because sometimes

(28:43.9 - 28:46.4)

people are looking for a reaction, okay?

(28:46.5 - 28:48.2)

And many people are cruel.

(28:48.3 - 28:50.0)

I'm going to say that people are

(28:50.0 - 28:52.7)

cruel to people that are different.

(28:52.8 - 28:54.3)

And that's just how the world is.

(28:54.3 - 28:57.6)

And I used to always tell Latavia that, okay, even

(28:57.7 - 29:01.2)

today, all right, this is not a quote, but even today,

(29:01.3 - 29:04.1)

if Tay and I are together, somebody a look me dead

(29:04.1 - 29:07.7)

in my face and say, oh, she's cute, can she talk?

(29:07.9 - 29:10.3)

Since when a wheelchair determines if

(29:10.3 - 29:11.7)

somebody can talk or not.

(29:11.8 - 29:14.2)

And so I have to turn and look at them

(29:14.2 - 29:16.4)

and I'll say, ask her if she can talk.

(29:16.5 - 29:18.1)

So once she opens her mouth and they

(29:18.2 - 29:20.8)

see that she can talk, they're shocked and

(29:20.8 - 29:23.2)

they're hurt and they'll apologize for saying that.

(29:23.3 - 29:26.7)

So people out there, please be more

(29:27.2 - 29:30.9)

cognizant in what you say, cognizant in

(29:31.0 - 29:33.0)

how you view other people's children.

(29:33.2 - 29:35.2)

Just think about the things that you say,

(29:35.2 - 29:38.1)

because many times it can be hurtful. Okay?

(29:38.2 - 29:41.9)

So if you see somebody carrying a child and

(29:41.9 - 29:43.9)

the child looks like they're six or seven years

(29:44.0 - 29:46.5)

old, don't tell a child, get down and walk.

(29:46.6 - 29:48.9)

I was told that, too, okay?

(29:49.0 - 29:52.4)

She had to tell him, I would love to get down and walk.

(29:52.5 - 29:53.8)

I can't walk, sir.

(29:53.9 - 29:57.8)

So we have to be mindful of things that we say. Yes.

(29:57.9 - 30:01.1)

And I think I would definitely second that.

(30:01.2 - 30:04.2)

And I will also reiterate for new parents

(30:04.2 - 30:07.2)

for children out there who are ably different,

(30:07.3 - 30:10.7)

I would say, believe in your child.

(30:10.7 - 30:13.8)

Believe in your child, (Definitely) believe that your

(30:13.8 - 30:16.4)

child can be more definitely than what

(30:16.5 - 30:18.8)

the doctors say that they can.

(30:18.8 - 30:21.0)

Because to be honest, for me,

(30:21.2 - 30:23.9)

that was my biggest driving force.

(30:24.0 - 30:27.5)

There was times when I struggled with believing

(30:27.6 - 30:29.3)

in myself, like, can I do this?

(30:29.3 - 30:30.4)

Can I really do this?

(30:30.4 - 30:33.3)

Because throughout my College career, throughout my

(30:33.3 - 30:36.4)

school career, people lowered my self esteem.

(30:36.6 - 30:39.2)

And if it wasn't for my mom saying, I

(30:39.3 - 30:42.6)

see you being a productive member of society.

(30:42.7 - 30:44.8)

I see you out there working, I see you

(30:44.9 - 30:47.2)

driving, I see you doing these different things.

(30:47.2 - 30:51.8)

And believing that I could and working towards that, making

(30:51.9 - 30:54.6)

sure I had skills and to be able to do

(30:54.6 - 30:57.3)

that, I wouldn't be where I am today.

(30:57.5 - 31:02.8)

So, Mom, I truly, truly, truly have to say thank you. I love you.

(31:02.8 - 31:04.3)

I love you, too, Latavia.

(31:04.3 - 31:06.2)

And you know, the best way that I know

(31:06.3 - 31:09.9)

how to say thank you is by reciting a

(31:10.0 - 31:13.6)

poem that's always my go to emotion.

(31:13.7 - 31:17.0)

So I wrote a poem for you today on Mother's Day.

(31:17.1 - 31:17.8)

You're ready for it?

(31:17.8 - 31:20.1)

I'm ready for the poem.

(31:20.7 - 31:33.2)

(Instrumental Music)

(31:33.5 - 31:35.8)

So the poem is called I Vow.

(31:36.0 - 31:38.3)

I vow to always showcase the strength

(31:38.4 - 31:40.3)

and resilience you instilled in me.

(31:40.5 - 31:42.8)

I know I fussed and rebelled, especially

(31:42.9 - 31:44.2)

when you got on my case.

(31:44.3 - 31:46.6)

But that's why I vowed to love you tremendously

(31:46.7 - 31:49.0)

for the sacrifices you made to raise me.

(31:49.1 - 31:51.0)

You saw me or what I could be.

(31:51.1 - 31:53.7)

You were never ashamed of me, and you did not

(31:53.7 - 31:55.7)

say it is what it is or let it be.

(31:55.8 - 31:57.5)

And for that, I thank you.

(31:57.6 - 31:59.4)

I vowed to exude the happy,

(31:59.5 - 32:01.9)

caring, selfless spirit you have.

(32:02.0 - 32:04.5)

Because after all, I know I am your

(32:04.5 - 32:06.8)

daughter, and I hope I am and can

(32:06.8 - 32:09.4)

do the legacy you are leaving behind justice.

(32:09.5 - 32:11.9)

If I can give the world what you gave me,

(32:12.0 - 32:14.0)

I know the world would be a better place.

(32:14.1 - 32:17.1)

Heck, the world is a better place because you're in it.

(32:17.2 - 32:20.3)

I know sometimes being a mom can be a thankless job.

(32:20.4 - 32:23.6)

So I vow to always show you that I am forever grateful.

(32:23.7 - 32:26.7)

So shout out to you, mom, because this poem, and every day

(32:26.7 - 32:30.3)

is about showing you what a phenomenal woman you are.

(32:30.4 - 32:33.0)

You are my ride or die, my best friend.

(32:33.1 - 32:35.3)

And I love you now until the end of time.

(32:35.4 - 32:36.9)

Happy Mother's Day.

(32:37.1 - 32:46.5)

(Clapping sound)

(32:46.6 - 32:48.9)

Wow, Tay, that was wonderful.

(32:49.0 - 32:50.7)

Thank you so much. Tay.

(32:50.8 - 32:52.8)

That's a very nice poem.

(32:52.9 - 32:54.1)

You are so welcome.

(32:54.2 - 32:55.4)

You are so welcome.

(32:55.8 - 32:59.1)

So, everyone, that's all we have for you today.

(32:59.2 - 33:00.2)

Yes, it is.

(33:00.3 - 33:02.1)

Thank you for listening.

(33:02.1 - 33:04.1)

Thank you. Thank you

(33:04.2 - 33:06.0)

Thank you for sharing.

(33:06.0 - 33:07.9)

Thank you. Thank you

(33:07.9 - 33:13.0)

Thank you, mom, for being here with me today. You're welcome. You're welcome

(33:13.0 - 33:16.0)

And again, thank you guys for sharing. Thank you, guys.

(33:16.1 - 33:18.9)

We have over 180 downloads.

(33:19.0 - 33:20.0)

You guys are doing a good job.

(33:20.0 - 33:21.2)

Thank you so much.

(33:21.4 - 33:22.8)

Thank you, guys so much.

(33:22.9 - 33:28.4)

Can you please continue to subscribe, share and also, guys,

(33:28.5 - 33:32.1)

please leave any emails or any questions you may have,

(33:32.2 - 33:35.7)

anything that you would like us to know about the

(33:35.8 - 33:38.2)

podcast or any topics you may want.

(33:38.3 - 33:39.6)

You can always email

(33:39.8 - 33:44.2)

us at queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.

(33:44.3 - 33:46.8)

Again, that's queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.

(33:46.8 - 33:50.1)

You can also DM us on our

(33:50.1 - 33:53.1)

Instagram page, on our Facebook page.

(33:53.2 - 33:56.0)

Please let us know what you're thinking, what you would like

(33:56.1 - 33:58.4)

to see more of what you would like to hear.

(33:58.9 - 33:59.8)

All right.

(34:00.0 - 34:03.2)

And also, let's not forget Latavia if there are

(34:03.2 - 34:05.8)

any parents that are out there who needs

(34:05.8 - 34:10.5)

to know information about their child or children.

(34:10.9 - 34:15.7)

Also to put that into the DM also so that

(34:15.8 - 34:20.8)

we can answer those questions or Tavia said that she's

(34:20.8 - 34:23.7)

going to have an upcoming parents show and so maybe

(34:23.8 - 34:29.3)

we can answer those questions because I know like myself

(34:29.3 - 34:31.9)

I did not have anything out there.

(34:32.0 - 34:34.0)

There was nothing out here to help

(34:34.1 - 34:37.1)

me navigate this long, tedious journey.

(34:37.2 - 34:40.5)

So there's quite a few things out there today but

(34:40.9 - 34:45.5)

just dm like she said and thank you for listening.

(34:45.6 - 34:47.9)

Yeah, guys, thank you so much.

(34:48.6 - 34:51.0)

And also too that is a great point, mom.

(34:51.1 - 34:52.8)

They can send that information to our

(34:52.9 - 34:56.9)

email because you are like a encyclopedia of

(34:57.0 - 34:59.0)

resources and everything like that.

(34:59.1 - 35:01.8)

So if there are any parents out there listening that want

(35:01.8 - 35:05.1)

to know, just DM me any questions and I'll pass it

(35:05.1 - 35:08.3)

on to my mom and she'll be happy to answer.

(35:08.4 - 35:10.8)

And also any parents out there listening

(35:10.9 - 35:13.4)

there is a podcast called Mama Marias

(35:13.6 - 35:16.7)

and they focus specifically on helping parents

(35:16.8 - 35:19.3)

navigate having children who are ably different.

(35:19.5 - 35:21.5)

You should check out that podcast too.

(35:21.7 - 35:24.4)

It's a great wealth of information so

(35:24.5 - 35:26.5)

please go check out that podcast.

(35:26.5 - 35:28.2)

They're doing great as well.

(35:28.3 - 35:31.3)

And happy mother's day to all the mothers out

(35:31.3 - 35:34.2)

there and even some of the fathers because I

(35:34.2 - 35:36.8)

know some of the mothers are playing both the

(35:36.8 - 35:39.2)

mother and father role and some of the fathers

(35:39.3 - 35:41.1)

are playing the mother and father roll.

(35:41.2 - 35:43.9)

So happy mother's day to everyone out there.

(35:44.1 - 35:46.4)

I hope you enjoyed this episode.

(35:46.4 - 35:48.8)

Have a good one.

(35:48.8 - 35:49.9)

Have a good one.

(35:50.0 - 35:52.3)

We're rolling out rolling on out.

(35:53.0 - 36:19.7)

(Instrumental Music)

(36:21.8 - 36:23.0)

PLEASE go follow our insta @queensonaroll.podcast & FB Queens On A Roll & submit those questions to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com