Description of Image: Black & Blue background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners
In this episode I sit down and speak with a very dear friend, Ms. Shontae to discuss what it is like for her to raise her son who was diagnosed with Autism. So Come Roll with Us!
Description of Image: Black & Blue background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners
In this episode I sit down and speak with a very dear friend, Ms. Shontae to discuss what it is like for her to raise her son who was diagnosed with Autism. So Come Roll with Us!
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(00:48.8 - 00:54.3)
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(Instrumental Music & singing) Queens On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & singing) Come Roll With Us, oooo whooo Come Roll With Us
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(Instrumental Music & singing) Come Roll With Us, Wooo hooo Come Roll With Us
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(Bells Chiming) Hey Everyone!!
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This is Latavia, and Welcome Back
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to Queens On A Roll podcast
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I have the lovely Ms. Shontae with me here today.
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She is a very dear friend of mine. Hey, Ms. Shontae!
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How you doing today? I'm doing great.
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How is everybody doing?
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I'm doing great.
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So are you ready? I am.
(02:50.0 - 02:52.2)
All right, we're going to get into the
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fact that your son has Autism Spectrum Disorder.
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So that is the topic for today.
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Are you ready to roll? I am.
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So let's roll.
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(Instrumental Music)
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So, Ms.
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Shontae, can you please tell everyone
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what Autism Spectrum Disorder is? Sure.
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So, autism spectrum disorder, it's a neurological and
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developmental disorder that affects the way people interact
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with others, communicate, learn, and behave. Right.
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So I know you have a son.
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What was it like raising him
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and he's ably different?
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So my son was diagnosed a little later on in
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his childhood, but it started off as a speech language
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delay, so we just thought that's what it was.
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And we were finding that he just wasn't
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communicating as effectively as other children his age.
(04:18.1 - 04:21.4)
By the time we got the official kind of diagnosis, we
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were already late to start early intervention, but we still were
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able to get him in at the tail end of early
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intervention and was able to get an ABA therapist.
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Great.
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What were some of the milestones that you
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noticed he was missing? Uhhh with ABA therapy
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I noticed that my son communicated better.
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He answered to his name as opposed to looking through
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me, which he did before he received ABA services.
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He was now looking at me, and he was able to
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respond to his name, able to say mom for the first
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time, able to more articulately, at least be able to get
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my attention to help him with his needs.
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Because children who are nonverbal, it's very difficult in
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the sense that you have to anticipate every need.
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So it's almost like when you have a
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newborn infant where if they cry, you have
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no clue if they're crying because they're wet,
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they're hungry, they're hurting or in pain, you know they're
(05:11.4 - 05:13.2)
constipated, you have no clue why they're crying.
(05:13.2 - 05:14.2)
You have to figure it out.
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And so it was just me constantly trying
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to figure it out, which was very exhausting.
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As a parent, I was just getting
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ready to say that, was it stressful?
(05:21.8 - 05:24.5)
And what did it feel like? Uhhh getting a diagnosis
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of autism or I feel like any kind of
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diagnosis for a special needs child can be difficult.
(05:30.5 - 05:34.1)
I think that initially, I felt a lot of guilt
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and shame because I felt like it was something that
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I did wrong to cause my son to be autistic.
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And once I got over that hurdle of
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just knowing that there was nothing that I
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could have done to prevent him having autism.
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When I took myself out of the equation, I
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was able to really give my child what he
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needed, which was unconditional love and support.
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He was already receiving unconditional love, but the support I
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couldn't give him because I was so much in my
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head about like how could this happen to my child?
(06:03.5 - 06:06.1)
So once I got over that, I was able to
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press through and really be an advocate for my son.
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Right.
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And I think that's really great because
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there is no cause for Autism.
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They speculate it could be genetic,
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they speculate it could be environmental.
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So there's no cause for that.
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So I can really understand and really
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sympathize with the fact that you felt
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like it could have been your fault. You know
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And I never want any parent to feel like that. Right.
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Life happens, situations happen, and so it's just
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another hurdle you gotta get over.
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But your son is great now, and he
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seems to have made a lot of progress.
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Can you tell us more of the progress he has made? Sure.
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So my son was a lot more
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nonverbal in his earlier years and ummm wasn't
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really interacting with other children his age.
(06:51.3 - 06:54.2)
He now interacts with select peers.
(06:54.4 - 06:56.6)
He still plays alongside a lot of
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children, but he's able to actually play.
(06:58.7 - 07:00.2)
He's in more interactive play
(07:00.3 - 07:02.8)
and socialization with his classmates.
(07:02.9 - 07:05.1)
So that's been kind of paramount.
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There's still a lot of repetition at home,
(07:07.7 - 07:09.7)
still me saying kind of the same things.
(07:09.8 - 07:11.6)
Routine is so important for
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children with special needs.
(07:13.3 - 07:16.5)
There's so much instability in the world, and you know the
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home environment is one of the best places that
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children should have stability and also the school environment.
(07:23.9 - 07:25.8)
So I feel like a combination of
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home and school and having really good
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communication with you know your child's teachers.
(07:31.1 - 07:32.4)
Their occupational therapists.
(07:32.5 - 07:33.4)
Their speech therapists.
(07:33.4 - 07:34.7)
Their physical therapists.
(07:34.8 - 07:38.4)
Finding out whatever exercises or tools you can use
(07:38.4 - 07:41.8)
at home that will tie into the goals that
(07:41.8 - 07:44.3)
the therapists have for your child really kind of
(07:44.3 - 07:47.7)
helps create kind of this one world that your child exists
(07:47.7 - 07:50.8)
in that's really supporting all of their goals. Right.
(07:50.9 - 07:53.6)
I always say it's always a big team effort, right.
(07:53.6 - 07:55.9)
When you're raising someone who's ably different,
(07:56.0 - 07:59.2)
you need that whole village around you to make
(07:59.3 - 08:02.2)
sure that they are productive members of society.
(08:02.3 - 08:03.9)
So that is really great.
(08:04.0 - 08:07.5)
(Delayed Beat Sound Effect)
(08:07.5 - 08:10.8)
Have you faced any challenges so far
(08:10.8 - 08:13.7)
with him going through his educational journey?
(08:13.8 - 08:17.6)
Were there some like positive impacts, negative drawbacks?
(08:17.7 - 08:19.4)
What has that been like for you?
(08:19.5 - 08:21.8)
My son benefited from being able to
(08:21.8 - 08:24.3)
go to AMAC, which was the Aerial
(08:24.4 - 08:27.2)
Metro Association for children with autism.
(08:27.4 - 08:29.8)
So he was there for the first few
(08:29.8 - 08:32.6)
years of his formal education in preschool.
(08:32.7 - 08:33.7)
He was there.
(08:34.3 - 08:36.2)
Eventually they transitioned him out
(08:36.2 - 08:37.8)
into the public school system.
(08:38.0 - 08:40.4)
So he's now at a District 75 school
(08:40.4 - 08:42.2)
here in New York City, which means any
(08:42.2 - 08:45.1)
child who has any type of developmental delay,
(08:45.1 - 08:49.1)
intellectual disability, emotional or social disability, those kinds
(08:49.1 - 08:52.7)
of schools are geared towards those children.
(08:53.1 - 08:56.0)
So it was a hard transition because I felt like
(08:56.0 - 08:58.6)
AMAC was very supportive and it was specialized.
(08:58.8 - 09:01.5)
So AMAC, for people who don't know, it was
(09:01.5 - 09:04.0)
a school that essentially went to age 21.
(09:04.1 - 09:06.8)
So children were there until they became young
(09:06.9 - 09:09.4)
adults and then sometimes the adults would therefore
(09:09.5 - 09:11.5)
turn...have some type of job role at
(09:11.5 - 09:13.8)
the school or somewhere out in the community.
(09:13.9 - 09:16.7)
So it was a really, really awesome institution.
(09:16.8 - 09:19.2)
And unfortunately, they did close due to
(09:19.2 - 09:22.0)
lack of funding and other things. So that was hard.
(09:22.0 - 09:24.4)
Making the transition to public school, and I always feel
(09:24.5 - 09:27.5)
like public school is so hard just because of lack
(09:27.6 - 09:31.1)
of funding and then lack of, just politics.
(09:31.1 - 09:33.6)
Certain school districts get more funding and
(09:33.6 - 09:35.7)
more resources that they need than others.
(09:35.8 - 09:37.5)
And so I was really hesitant to
(09:37.6 - 09:40.5)
put him in the school.. uhh public school system.
(09:40.5 - 09:42.3)
But lots of prayer and lots of
(09:42.3 - 09:45.5)
tears and lots, again lots of communication.
(09:45.5 - 09:47.4)
It's all about communication.
(09:47.4 - 09:49.2)
Being your child's best advocate,
(09:49.3 - 09:50.8)
you are their best advocate.
(09:50.9 - 09:53.4)
You know them better than anybody else does.
(09:53.5 - 09:55.4)
So you know what their deficits are,
(09:55.5 - 09:58.6)
whether it's gross motor, fine motor, emotionally,
(09:58.6 - 10:00.3)
whether they can handle certain things.
(10:00.3 - 10:02.6)
I mean, you are their best advocate.
(10:02.7 - 10:04.6)
So it was a lot of communicating with
(10:04.7 - 10:09.2)
my son's therapist again, his teachers, finding out
(10:09.2 - 10:11.8)
where his strengths were in the classroom, finding
(10:11.8 - 10:13.9)
out socially how he was adapting to other
(10:14.0 - 10:17.9)
children, you know all of those things are really important. You know
(10:17.9 - 10:20.2)
It's important for you to know, but it's important
(10:20.2 - 10:22.1)
also for you to be just as good as
(10:22.1 - 10:24.2)
a listener as you are an advocate.
(10:24.4 - 10:27.6)
So being able to ask the teacher what were some
(10:27.7 - 10:31.6)
problem areas for him in school, we were able to
(10:31.6 - 10:34.7)
have a dialogue and be able to establish, okay, this
(10:34.8 - 10:36.4)
is what I do when I feel like he's getting
(10:36.4 - 10:39.8)
off of track or he's having off task behaviors.
(10:39.8 - 10:41.8)
This is how I've been able to get his attention.
(10:41.9 - 10:46.6)
And together the collaboration, you know we've been able to identify
(10:46.7 - 10:49.8)
ways to keep his attention, to keep his focus,
(10:49.8 - 10:52.1)
to encourage him when he feels discouraged and he
(10:52.2 - 10:54.3)
doesn't want to do an activity or task.
(10:54.3 - 10:57.9)
And it's just been really, its really important.
(10:57.9 - 11:00.3)
I can't stress the importance enough of just
(11:00.3 - 11:03.3)
really being a clear and effective communicator with
(11:03.3 - 11:06.1)
the people who are working with your child. Right?
(11:06.1 - 11:09.0)
That is very, very, very important.
(11:09.1 - 11:12.0)
My mom was like my biggest advocator, so
(11:12.1 - 11:14.4)
I definitely understand where you were coming from
(11:14.4 - 11:17.3)
and I can definitely relate to being reluctant
(11:17.4 - 11:19.2)
about being in the public school system.
(11:19.3 - 11:21.4)
Not really sure, right, because I talked about
(11:21.4 - 11:23.8)
it in a previous episode where I didn't
(11:23.8 - 11:26.5)
really fit in one particular mode. Right.
(11:26.6 - 11:29.2)
So I grew up going through general ed,
(11:29.2 - 11:31.5)
but I was under the umbrella of special ed so
(11:31.5 - 11:34.0)
I didn't particularly fit in a box.
(11:34.2 - 11:37.5)
And so that can be hard when you don't fit
(11:37.6 - 11:40.3)
the mold of what the New York City DOE
(11:40.4 - 11:43.5)
definition is of someone who needs to be in special
(11:43.6 - 11:46.4)
ed or someone who needs to be in general ed.
(11:46.5 - 11:49.2)
So I can definitely understand the nervousness.
(11:49.3 - 11:53.1)
I guarantee you my mom felt the same nervousness. You know
(11:53.1 - 11:55.4)
So these are things that I feel like
(11:55.5 - 11:58.6)
on some level all parents experience who have
(11:58.7 - 12:00.2)
children who are ably different.
(12:00.3 - 12:02.4)
And like I said, I experienced it myself.
(12:02.5 - 12:06.0)
So I kind of understand the difficulty of trying to
(12:06.0 - 12:09.1)
navigate and trying to make sure he is where he
(12:09.1 - 12:12.1)
needs to be and get the appropriate services cuz it
(12:12.2 - 12:16.9)
definitely is a difficult balance, you know and you definitely do have
(12:17.0 - 12:19.2)
to be your child's best advocate.
(12:19.3 - 12:21.8)
If you don't speak up right now, he's not at
(12:21.8 - 12:23.8)
an age where he can speak up for himself.
(12:23.9 - 12:26.0)
So definitely parents need to speak
(12:26.1 - 12:27.2)
up more and speak out.
(12:27.2 - 12:30.1)
I think that's really one of the biggest things that we
(12:30.1 - 12:33.4)
need to do and we need to really emphasize. What are
(12:33.6 - 12:37.0)
some of your advocating tools that you use now?
(12:37.1 - 12:40.2)
So for me, just thinking about autism,
(12:40.4 - 12:42.8)
anybody can go on Autism Speaks.
(12:43.1 - 12:45.7)
Autism Speak has a variety.
(12:45.8 - 12:48.6)
Kind of like this whole library of resources,
(12:48.6 - 12:53.6)
video tools, everything, little scripts, they have everything
(12:53.7 - 12:56.4)
that you can just learn about autism, learn
(12:56.5 - 12:58.3)
about the different types of autism because again,
(12:58.4 - 12:59.6)
it is on a spectrum.
(12:59.7 - 13:03.5)
And to know that like what autism looks like in your child
(13:03.5 - 13:05.9)
may not look the same way in the next child.
(13:06.1 - 13:09.4)
Every disability, there's a category for
(13:09.4 - 13:11.4)
that disability, but there are still
(13:11.5 - 13:14.0)
a spectrum within every disability category.
(13:14.1 - 13:17.8)
So understanding that a special needs child is just that
(13:17.8 - 13:21.6)
very special and that what the same diagnosis may look
(13:21.6 - 13:23.3)
like in one child does not look like another.
(13:23.5 - 13:26.2)
So to know that include NYC, which is a
(13:26.2 - 13:28.4)
huge resource here in New York, but they also
(13:28.5 - 13:31.1)
still do workshops and things like that.
(13:31.2 - 13:35.6)
Just worldwide advocacy, especially for parents who have special
(13:35.7 - 13:39.7)
needs children because your IEP is your contract between
(13:39.8 - 13:42.8)
you and the school about the services that they
(13:42.8 - 13:44.9)
are required to provide to your child.
(13:45.0 - 13:47.2)
So really having a thorough understanding of
(13:47.2 - 13:50.5)
your child's IEP include NYC does things
(13:50.6 - 13:53.6)
like that, training and advocacy actually through
(13:53.7 - 13:56.6)
include NYC I became an IEP parent member.
(13:56.7 - 13:58.3)
And if you don't know what IEP is, it's
(13:58.3 - 14:02.1)
an Individualized Education plan which again, it has all
(14:02.1 - 14:04.7)
of the related services that your child has.
(14:04.8 - 14:07.3)
It has the formal diagnosis, it has the
(14:07.3 - 14:09.9)
classroom size and setting and any other specialized
(14:10.0 - 14:11.6)
services that your child may require.
(14:11.7 - 14:13.7)
And that is your biggest like, I mean,
(14:13.7 - 14:16.4)
that document for me, anytime we change it,
(14:16.5 - 14:18.3)
I make sure I have the new copy.
(14:18.4 - 14:20.2)
That is um very important to me.
(14:20.2 - 14:21.8)
That is almost like your child's Bible.
(14:21.9 - 14:23.7)
You need that wherever you go just
(14:23.8 - 14:25.6)
to continue to advocate for your child.
(14:25.7 - 14:28.2)
If you move to a different state, if you move to
(14:28.2 - 14:31.7)
a different school, all of those things are important, but include
(14:31.8 - 14:35.4)
NYC has been one of the biggest tools that I've used
(14:35.4 - 14:38.7)
as a parent just because of the training sessions.
(14:38.7 - 14:40.8)
They also have a call center where
(14:40.8 - 14:42.5)
they are available all the time.
(14:42.6 - 14:44.6)
You can call them and ask any kinds of
(14:44.6 - 14:47.1)
questions and they will get back with you with
(14:47.2 - 14:50.2)
somebody who is specialized and can answer those questions
(14:50.3 - 14:52.3)
or direct you to the resources.
(14:52.5 - 14:55.3)
They have a number of resources on their website
(14:55.4 - 14:58.3)
and their information has been invaluable to me both
(14:58.4 - 15:01.3)
as a parent and an advocate for disability rights,
(15:01.4 - 15:03.6)
not just in New York, but all over the
(15:03.6 - 15:05.3)
country and all over the world. Right.
(15:05.3 - 15:07.2)
Those are very great resources.
(15:07.3 - 15:09.7)
Thank you for sharing those cuz I definitely
(15:09.8 - 15:12.3)
think our parents will definitely need that.
(15:12.4 - 15:13.6)
So jot it down.
(15:13.7 - 15:15.7)
Pause this moment and jot it down and
(15:15.7 - 15:17.8)
get it all down because she just dropped
(15:17.8 - 15:21.4)
some wonderful gems on you guys.
(15:21.4 - 15:26.5)
(Gems Were Just Dropped Sound Effect) and Bells Chiming
(15:26.5 - 15:28.9)
And I just wanted to emphasize, you are right.
(15:28.9 - 15:31.0)
Autism spectrum disorder is just that
(15:31.0 - 15:32.3)
it's on a spectrum, right?
(15:32.3 - 15:35.3)
So you got some kids that are non verbal.
(15:35.4 - 15:37.4)
You can have some kids that are verbal.
(15:37.5 - 15:39.6)
You can have some that just struggle with
(15:39.7 - 15:43.2)
social interaction, but they are okay academically.
(15:43.4 - 15:45.4)
So you really just have to know your
(15:45.5 - 15:47.3)
child, know what their strengths are, know what
(15:47.3 - 15:49.5)
their weaknesses are, and it's great.
(15:49.5 - 15:53.6)
(Cartoon Climbing Stairs Sound Effect)
(15:53.6 - 15:58.7)
What do you want to see your son do in the future?
(15:58.7 - 16:03.2)
I want to be that parent that just continues to
(16:03.3 - 16:06.8)
love on him and nurture him, exposure to him.
(16:06.9 - 16:09.6)
I am not ashamed of my child in any way, shape or form.
(16:09.7 - 16:11.2)
We have been to the aquarium.
(16:11.3 - 16:13.6)
My son loves trains just like I do.
(16:13.7 - 16:16.6)
We've been on train rides, both the commuter rail, the
(16:16.7 - 16:19.1)
subway here in New York City, we go out of
(16:19.1 - 16:21.3)
the state to Connecticut to go to the aquarium.
(16:21.4 - 16:22.9)
You know I've always been somebody that
(16:23.0 - 16:25.0)
has traveled with my child.
(16:25.0 - 16:27.2)
He's actually out of the country now with my husband.
(16:27.2 - 16:30.1)
They're home with our family in West Africa.
(16:30.2 - 16:33.4)
So I do not limit my child and
(16:33.4 - 16:35.8)
his exposure to just the world and life.
(16:35.8 - 16:37.3)
He's actually been out of the
(16:37.3 - 16:39.3)
country more times than I have.
(16:39.4 - 16:43.1)
So my goal is that he's exposed and blessed
(16:43.1 - 16:45.7)
with opportunities that will exceed what I've been able
(16:45.7 - 16:47.2)
to do so far in my lifetime.
(16:47.3 - 16:49.0)
So I want him to do and be
(16:49.1 - 16:51.5)
whatever that is he wants to be. Right now.
(16:51.6 - 16:55.4)
He's just so interested in mechanical, electrical.
(16:55.4 - 16:57.5)
He likes being able to get the
(16:57.5 - 17:00.2)
mechanics of things, so just nurturing that.
(17:00.2 - 17:03.0)
He watches a lot of train videos, not just
(17:03.0 - 17:06.2)
rails in the United States, but over in Europe.
(17:06.3 - 17:07.9)
So he is very much into
(17:08.0 - 17:10.6)
like commuter rails and subway rails.
(17:10.7 - 17:12.3)
So maybe he'll be an engineer or
(17:12.3 - 17:14.1)
a conductor or I have no idea.
(17:14.2 - 17:17.4)
But I want him to be whatever he wants to be.
(17:17.4 - 17:19.4)
And I want to continue to instill in him that
(17:19.5 - 17:21.2)
he can be whatever he wants to be, right?
(17:21.2 - 17:23.2)
And I'm excited to see what he
(17:23.3 - 17:25.8)
grows into, what he blossoms into.
(17:25.9 - 17:28.9)
And like this is exactly why I do this podcast, right?
(17:28.9 - 17:30.8)
Because even though he is a part of
(17:30.8 - 17:33.3)
the ably different community, he's still a person.
(17:33.4 - 17:35.4)
He still has likes, he still has wants,
(17:35.5 - 17:37.9)
he still has needs, he's still a person.
(17:38.0 - 17:40.5)
So we have to always remember to nurture that.
(17:40.6 - 17:41.8)
And that's really great.
(17:41.9 - 17:43.5)
I know you said he went away.
(17:43.6 - 17:45.3)
What are some things that you did
(17:45.4 - 17:47.2)
to prepare him for that trip?
(17:47.3 - 17:49.4)
Well, one of the things that before we
(17:49.4 - 17:51.4)
got his diagnoses, me and my husband had
(17:51.4 - 17:54.5)
always agreed that my son would learn one
(17:54.6 - 17:57.0)
of the local languages that my husband speaks.
(17:57.1 - 18:00.3)
So my son actually, he can comprehend everything
(18:00.4 - 18:02.0)
my husband is telling him because he's been
(18:02.1 - 18:03.9)
hearing that language since before he was born,
(18:04.0 - 18:05.4)
when I was still pregnant with him.
(18:05.5 - 18:08.7)
So he is home and he is understanding what they're
(18:08.7 - 18:12.2)
saying because he's been exposed to it his whole life.
(18:12.3 - 18:16.6)
And so I think constant exposure, constantly taking
(18:16.6 - 18:19.0)
my son out on trips, he's been to
(18:19.0 - 18:21.2)
the zoo, he's been to Carnegie Hall.
(18:21.4 - 18:23.9)
I don't limit my child because of his disability.
(18:24.0 - 18:26.5)
It doesn't you know negate the fact that he still
(18:26.6 - 18:28.4)
needs to be exposed and he still needs
(18:28.5 - 18:29.8)
to be able to explore his world.
(18:29.9 - 18:32.9)
And I think that's why he's okay with traveling on
(18:32.9 - 18:35.3)
a plane ten plus hours like they have to on
(18:35.3 - 18:38.4)
a non stop flight to West Africa, because he's been
(18:38.5 - 18:41.9)
used to traveling, traveled ever since he was an infant.
(18:42.0 - 18:43.7)
You know He's used to being out and about.
(18:43.8 - 18:46.0)
So I'm grateful that I've taken that time
(18:46.1 - 18:48.3)
to you know expose him to the world around him.
(18:48.4 - 18:50.5)
So I would say that the one thing you
(18:50.5 - 18:52.9)
would need to do is like expose them to everything.
(18:53.0 - 18:55.7)
Don't limit them to everything. Right? Don't limit them.
(18:55.7 - 18:57.1)
And I know it's hard because you want to
(18:57.1 - 19:00.9)
protect your child from being ostracized by society.
(19:01.0 - 19:03.0)
At the same time, you
(19:03.0 - 19:04.6)
are your child's biggest advocate.
(19:04.7 - 19:07.0)
The greatest thing that you can do for your child
(19:07.2 - 19:09.8)
and for society as a whole is to take your
(19:09.9 - 19:13.4)
child outside, let them walk around, let them explore, let
(19:13.4 - 19:15.4)
the world see who your child is.
(19:15.5 - 19:18.4)
Because trust me, there are people that are ready to
(19:18.4 - 19:21.4)
love and support your child just as much as you
(19:21.4 - 19:23.6)
are and that want to see them succeed.
(19:23.7 - 19:27.1)
And that understand the importance of diversity
(19:27.2 - 19:29.6)
and the value that, that brings into
(19:29.6 - 19:33.2)
the community, the workplace, the school place. You know
(19:33.2 - 19:35.6)
Everyone has their contribution, their
(19:35.6 - 19:37.4)
unique contribution to society.
(19:37.5 - 19:38.8)
And we all need to be
(19:38.8 - 19:40.7)
respective and more inclusive of that.
(19:40.8 - 19:43.2)
No one should be treated differently just
(19:43.3 - 19:46.4)
because they're different than mainstream society.
(19:46.6 - 19:48.4)
We have to love more and there needs
(19:48.5 - 19:50.0)
to be more humanity in the world.
(19:50.1 - 19:51.6)
I definitely agree with that.
(19:51.6 - 19:53.2)
I definitely do agree with that.
(19:53.2 - 19:55.9)
You talk about you know being ostracized
(19:55.9 - 19:57.3)
by society a little bit.
(19:57.4 - 19:58.8)
Is that one of your fears?
(19:58.9 - 20:01.7)
That your son could be ostracized by society?
(20:01.8 - 20:04.2)
I believe so, and I think that it's going to bother
(20:04.2 - 20:07.8)
me more than it's going to bother him, because he is just... he's dancing
(20:07.9 - 20:09.5)
to the beat of his own drum right now.
(20:09.6 - 20:11.1)
And I love that about him.
(20:11.1 - 20:13.7)
He's unfazed by it, and I just pray
(20:13.7 - 20:16.4)
that he continues to be unfazed by it.
(20:16.4 - 20:19.0)
I think the older that we get, the more mature
(20:19.0 - 20:21.5)
that people get, or just the older in general, the
(20:21.6 - 20:26.8)
more we focus on you know being in, being seen, being valued.
(20:26.9 - 20:30.4)
And I'm grateful that I've instilled in my son so much
(20:30.5 - 20:32.9)
that he is loved and he can do whatever he wants
(20:33.0 - 20:37.1)
to do, that I really hope you know.. that I know that it's
(20:37.1 - 20:40.4)
deep down within him and within the spirit, and so I
(20:40.4 - 20:43.0)
know that he's going to be okay. Right.
(20:43.1 - 20:46.0)
But why are you still like afraid?
(20:46.2 - 20:48.8)
I think I'm worried because as a mother, as
(20:48.9 - 20:51.0)
a parent, you want to protect your kids from
(20:51.0 - 20:53.0)
the meanness and the cruelness of the world.
(20:53.1 - 20:55.4)
I feel like that's one of our duties as parents.
(20:55.4 - 20:57.2)
You never want to see your child going through
(20:57.2 - 21:00.2)
hardships just because somebody just wants to pick on
(21:00.2 - 21:03.2)
the fact that you don't "fit in."
(21:03.2 - 21:07.0)
So I think that that's where my sadness
(21:07.0 - 21:08.8)
comes in, because I don't ever want to
(21:08.8 - 21:11.1)
see him nor anybody else picked on.
(21:11.2 - 21:13.2)
I've been bullied, and you know that's a big thing
(21:13.2 - 21:15.7)
that's been happening in society, is that children
(21:15.8 - 21:18.0)
and even some adults have been being bullied
(21:18.0 - 21:21.8)
and the devastating consequences of that repeated abuse.
(21:21.9 - 21:23.3)
And I don't want to see that
(21:23.4 - 21:25.0)
happen to my son or anyone else.
(21:25.1 - 21:26.5)
So that's why I'm such a big
(21:26.6 - 21:29.0)
advocate on taking your child out.
(21:29.0 - 21:32.2)
And if someone has something negative to say, counteracting
(21:32.2 - 21:33.8)
it and throwing it back at that person.
(21:33.9 - 21:36.1)
Like, why do you feel the need to project
(21:36.1 - 21:39.4)
your insecurity on somebody who's different than you?
(21:39.5 - 21:40.1)
Right. Right
(21:40.3 - 21:43.5)
I think my mom was a little bit scared about that too.
(21:43.5 - 21:45.8)
And I can relate to that point because my
(21:45.9 - 21:47.9)
mom kind of raised me to be like, listen,
(21:48.0 - 21:50.5)
I see you as this, but outside the world
(21:50.5 - 21:52.9)
is going to judge you by your wheelchair.
(21:53.0 - 21:55.8)
So what I need you to do is always put your best
(21:55.9 - 21:59.1)
foot forward and show them that you're smart at all times.
(21:59.2 - 22:01.8)
Looking back on it, now that I'm older, she was
(22:01.9 - 22:04.2)
trying to instill that in me because she could have
(22:04.2 - 22:07.3)
been fearful herself that people are going to judge me
(22:07.4 - 22:10.2)
based on what I was sitting in and say, oh,
(22:10.2 - 22:12.2)
she can't do this, she can't do this.
(22:12.3 - 22:15.6)
So now we have to you know treat her differently.
(22:15.7 - 22:18.4)
So she was always like, you have to make sure
(22:18.6 - 22:21.3)
you show people at all times that you're intelligent.
(22:21.4 - 22:24.0)
So I can definitely relate to that.
(22:24.0 - 22:26.7)
And now I see now that I'm older and now
(22:26.7 - 22:30.6)
that I'm having these conversations with different people, that my
(22:30.6 - 22:33.1)
mom was sort of scared of the same things and
(22:33.2 - 22:35.3)
trying to prepare me for those things.
(22:35.4 - 22:37.9)
And it can be hard because when children are nonverbal
(22:38.0 - 22:41.4)
or not a lot, like not very verbal, it can
(22:41.4 - 22:43.8)
be scary when your child comes home and you're talking
(22:43.9 - 22:45.6)
to them and you just hear them say the word
(22:45.7 - 22:48.5)
stupid because you know, they've either heard somebody call them
(22:48.5 - 22:51.3)
stupid or say something like that, and I immediately come
(22:51.4 - 22:52.7)
back and say Abdul
(22:52.7 - 22:53.8)
We don't use that word.
(22:53.9 - 22:56.5)
Like, you are very intelligent, you're a
(22:56.5 - 22:58.8)
smart young man, you're intelligent, you can
(22:58.8 - 22:59.8)
do whatever you want to do.
(22:59.8 - 23:03.5)
I always counteract that because I never want outsider voices
(23:03.5 - 23:06.2)
to be bigger than his inner voice and what he's
(23:06.2 - 23:08.7)
been you know the values that have been instilled in him.
(23:08.8 - 23:11.4)
Aww I think you're going to make me cry for the first time
(23:11.4 - 23:15.8)
I'm gonna cry on this show. That is definitely it, right?
(23:15.9 - 23:18.4)
And I really want all parents
(23:18.4 - 23:19.8)
to take that away from it.
(23:19.9 - 23:22.2)
Even if you have a child that is ably
(23:22.2 - 23:25.6)
different treat them just like everyone else, oh, yeah, there's
(23:25.6 - 23:28.1)
no reason why you have to treat them differently.
(23:28.1 - 23:30.7)
(Cartoon Climbing Downstairs Sound Effect)
(23:30.7 - 23:33.2)
And I talked to my son exactly the way
(23:33.3 - 23:35.3)
that I'm talking on this podcast right now, the
(23:35.3 - 23:38.0)
way that I would talk to a normal adult. You know
(23:38.0 - 23:39.0)
When he was younger, I used
(23:39.1 - 23:42.3)
to, you know oh, hi, what's going on?
(23:42.4 - 23:45.0)
But now it's just I really talked to him like
(23:45.1 - 23:47.1)
a regular person, like, you know what I'm saying?
(23:47.1 - 23:47.8)
Regular person.
(23:47.8 - 23:49.5)
But I talked to him as if he doesn't have
(23:49.5 - 23:52.2)
a disability because I want him to be able to
(23:52.3 - 23:57.6)
interact appropriately, but also understand that like you are a person.
(23:57.6 - 23:59.6)
Like, I identify you, your body,
(23:59.6 - 24:02.0)
your spirit as something of value.
(24:02.1 - 24:04.4)
And I'm going to talk to you like somebody
(24:04.5 - 24:07.8)
of value and I want him to know, to
(24:07.9 - 24:11.1)
be able to communicate effectively with other people.
(24:11.2 - 24:13.4)
So I don't baby him when I
(24:13.4 - 24:15.7)
reprimand him for doing something wrong.
(24:15.9 - 24:17.8)
You know I do it in a loving way, but I do it
(24:17.8 - 24:20.2)
in a way that lets him know I'm disappointed in him.
(24:20.3 - 24:23.4)
And I'm disappointed that despite being taught to do
(24:23.4 - 24:26.0)
the right thing, he chose to do you know to either
(24:26.0 - 24:28.6)
not listen or to do the exact opposite.
(24:28.6 - 24:30.4)
And that there's always a consequence,
(24:30.4 - 24:31.6)
whether it's good or bad.
(24:31.8 - 24:35.1)
So I teach him that because I want him
(24:35.1 - 24:36.9)
to understand that I'm not always going to be
(24:36.9 - 24:38.4)
around and I need him to be able to
(24:38.5 - 24:41.9)
make wise decisions whether I'm around him or not.
(24:42.1 - 24:44.2)
So I also let him know I hold
(24:44.2 - 24:47.8)
him responsible because you know contrary to what people believe,
(24:47.9 - 24:50.7)
people with special needs actually are very intelligent,
(24:50.8 - 24:52.9)
whether they can communicate it or not.
(24:53.0 - 24:55.0)
And so you have to hold
(24:55.1 - 24:57.0)
everybody accountable for their actions.
(24:57.0 - 24:59.3)
And so that's what I'm trying to instill in
(24:59.3 - 25:01.3)
him now, just to be accountable for your actions.
(25:01.4 - 25:04.4)
If you don't listen and something happens that
(25:04.4 - 25:06.2)
you don't want to happen, it's because you
(25:06.2 - 25:08.6)
didn't listen and there was a negative consequence.
(25:08.7 - 25:11.0)
But I know that he knows that it's correction and
(25:11.0 - 25:13.3)
love because he always comes back and he wants to
(25:13.3 - 25:15.2)
hug me, he wants to love on me.
(25:15.2 - 25:19.3)
So he understands that, yes, you know I had an accident, I made
(25:19.3 - 25:22.0)
a boo boo, I did something I wasn't supposed to do.
(25:22.2 - 25:24.1)
But he knows that he's loved and
(25:24.1 - 25:26.0)
supported by me and my husband. Yeah.
(25:26.0 - 25:28.5)
And as the person who is ably different, I
(25:28.6 - 25:31.2)
can tell you, you are doing the right thing because
(25:31.3 - 25:33.3)
we just want to be seen as people.
(25:33.4 - 25:35.3)
We don't wanna be treated differently.
(25:35.4 - 25:37.8)
We want to be seen just like everyone else.
(25:37.9 - 25:40.3)
We do everything that everyone else does,
(25:40.4 - 25:42.2)
we just happen to do it differently.
(25:42.3 - 25:45.1)
So I will say as a parent, you are doing
(25:45.2 - 25:47.7)
the best, you are rocking it, you are killing it.
(25:47.8 - 25:49.3)
So you are doing a good job
(25:49.3 - 25:51.4)
and please, please keep it up.
(25:51.5 - 26:13.6)
(Cheering Sound Effect)
(26:13.7 - 26:51.2)
(Instrumental Music)
(26:51.2 - 26:54.8)
What is one of your fondest memories of hanging
(26:54.8 - 26:57.5)
with your son or just family time in general?
(26:57.5 - 26:59.7)
I can't think of any right now.
(26:59.7 - 27:00.9)
Any isolated incidents?
(27:00.9 - 27:02.1)
You put me on the spot. (Latavia chuckles)
(27:02.1 - 27:05.2)
(Story time sound effect)
(27:05.2 - 27:08.2)
I just remember being on I want to say we were with
(27:08.2 - 27:10.7)
my best friend who is like a sister to me, she is
(27:10.7 - 27:14.2)
a sister to me and we were riding in the car and
(27:14.3 - 27:17.9)
he just kept saying thank you, like thank you.
(27:17.9 - 27:19.9)
I thank you, I thank you
(27:19.9 - 27:25.7)
And it meant so much because, you know, your child knows how
(27:25.7 - 27:29.3)
much you love them to be able to say thank you.
(27:29.4 - 27:32.9)
And my son doesn't talk as much, he talks a
(27:32.9 - 27:35.5)
lot more than he used to, but just the acknowledgement.
(27:35.6 - 27:38.0)
And every so often he'll do that, we'll be
(27:38.0 - 27:40.9)
sitting somewhere and we could be doing nothing and
(27:40.9 - 27:43.7)
he would just start saying, thank you, Mommy.
(27:43.8 - 27:48.1)
I thank you, I thank you, thank you and I say, you're welcome, Abduly
(27:48.1 - 27:50.7)
Like, you're so welcome. You're welcome.
(27:50.8 - 27:52.9)
And I let him know you are welcome.
(27:53.0 - 27:55.4)
But you are so deserving of that.
(27:55.5 - 27:59.4)
Our children are deserving of all the love and all
(27:59.4 - 28:03.0)
the opportunities that this life and this world has to
(28:03.1 - 28:05.7)
give us and we just have to nurture them into
(28:05.8 - 28:08.0)
knowing that they are deserving of that.
(28:08.1 - 28:10.9)
There is nothing that they can't do if
(28:10.9 - 28:12.4)
they don't put their mind to it with
(28:12.4 - 28:16.3)
the right support systems and tools and resources.
(28:16.4 - 28:20.2)
So continue to invest in our children, continue to
(28:20.2 - 28:23.3)
invest in your child, continue to invest in yourself.
(28:23.5 - 28:25.6)
Because as much as you invest in them, you have
(28:25.6 - 28:28.2)
to remember self care and that you can't pour from
(28:28.2 - 28:30.2)
an empty vessel if that means you need to take
(28:30.2 - 28:33.0)
a walk, you need to journal, you need to vlog,
(28:33.1 - 28:35.3)
you need to talk to somebody. You know
(28:35.3 - 28:36.8)
Mental health is so important.
(28:36.9 - 28:39.0)
It can be exhausting trying to
(28:39.0 - 28:40.2)
take in so much information.
(28:40.3 - 28:42.6)
As a special needs parent, if you need to
(28:42.6 - 28:45.4)
talk to a psychiatrist or a therapist, there is
(28:45.4 - 28:47.6)
nothing wrong with you other than you needing to
(28:47.6 - 28:50.5)
release and you cannot pour from an empty cup.
(28:50.6 - 28:53.3)
So take the time for you do a crossword,
(28:53.4 - 28:56.0)
take a bubble bath, you know let yourself sit in the
(28:56.0 - 28:59.2)
room and uninterrupted for an hour or 2 hours.
(28:59.3 - 29:03.2)
Go for a spa treatment, a massage, you know all these things.
(29:03.3 - 29:05.6)
Maybe have some downtime where you're doing a family
(29:05.7 - 29:09.0)
night and everybody's just relaxing on the couch.
(29:09.4 - 29:13.0)
But give yourself grace too, because it's not an easy journey,
(29:13.1 - 29:15.4)
but you're just as worth it as your child is.
(29:15.5 - 29:17.5)
So take the time to pour into yourself,
(29:17.6 - 29:20.5)
because our children are watching what we do
(29:20.5 - 29:22.2)
too, as well as what we say.
(29:22.3 - 29:25.1)
So understand that when you're not practicing self
(29:25.2 - 29:27.6)
care, you're giving them the example that they
(29:27.8 - 29:32.1)
should be running, running, running, running, running, running and not taking the
(29:32.1 - 29:33.3)
time to just be still.
(29:33.4 - 29:35.3)
So my son, he takes the time to
(29:35.3 - 29:37.5)
be still because he sees me be still.
(29:37.5 - 29:40.8)
(Cartoon Trill Sound Effect)
(29:40.8 - 29:43.3)
So you spoke about pouring into
(29:43.3 - 29:45.2)
yourself, going off of that.
(29:45.3 - 29:48.0)
What are some of your future endeavors
(29:48.1 - 29:51.1)
that you want to do for you? For me? Let's see.
(29:51.1 - 29:52.3)
So I want to travel more.
(29:52.3 - 29:54.5)
I haven't been able to I'm in grad school right now, so
(29:54.6 - 29:56.8)
I haven't been able to travel as much as I want to.
(29:56.9 - 29:58.6)
To be able to travel with my family
(29:58.7 - 30:00.9)
more, like together as a unit and not
(30:01.0 - 30:02.9)
separately, just because of school and work.
(30:03.0 - 30:04.3)
That's one of my goals.
(30:04.4 - 30:07.1)
I also started an LLC a couple of years ago.
(30:07.2 - 30:09.2)
I'm an essential healthcare worker, so I haven't
(30:09.2 - 30:11.4)
been able to focus on my business as
(30:11.5 - 30:14.1)
much because I've been working the entire pandemic.
(30:14.2 - 30:15.2)
And you know here in New York, it
(30:15.2 - 30:18.1)
got very, very overwhelming, very, very quickly.
(30:18.2 - 30:20.4)
And so I haven't been able to focus on my business.
(30:20.5 - 30:21.9)
So I would like to be able to focus on
(30:21.9 - 30:25.5)
my business and possibly go and get my terminal degree.
(30:25.6 - 30:26.1)
We will see.
(30:26.1 - 30:31.4)
I'm not sure yet, but in the works, in the works oooo that sounds awesome.
(30:31.5 - 30:33.2)
So what is your business?
(30:33.3 - 30:36.0)
You talked about it, so let us know.
(30:36.0 - 30:39.3)
So my business is going to be a catering business.
(30:39.3 - 30:44.1)
It is a catering business, I should say. Its called A Touch of Lily LLC
(30:44.2 - 30:46.0)
And I named it after my grandmother.
(30:46.1 - 30:48.1)
I'm from the south, and so cooking
(30:48.2 - 30:50.6)
and baking are very important to me.
(30:50.7 - 30:52.6)
My mom was a baker for most of my
(30:52.7 - 30:56.0)
childhood, and my grandma was an amazing cook.
(30:56.1 - 31:00.2)
And so I just wanted to incorporate the love of people,
(31:00.2 - 31:02.9)
the love of cooking and baking that they both had.
(31:03.0 - 31:04.2)
And my mom is still alive.
(31:04.3 - 31:06.1)
Unfortunately, my grandmother is not.
(31:06.1 - 31:08.2)
So I just wanted to continue her legacy
(31:08.3 - 31:11.4)
through my love of cooking and sharing community
(31:11.5 - 31:14.1)
and communal dining and building stronger relationships in
(31:14.1 - 31:16.6)
our community because we really are better together.
(31:16.7 - 31:18.5)
And so that is what I hope to
(31:18.5 - 31:21.9)
do with my company, but also help to
(31:21.9 - 31:26.2)
fund nonprofits and other community service organizations.
(31:26.4 - 31:28.0)
That is awesome.
(31:28.1 - 31:30.3)
So I'm going to be coming to get some food soon Sounds good
(31:30.4 - 31:31.6)
I know it's gonna come off
(31:31.7 - 31:33.8)
the ground, so I'm coming to get some food.
(31:34.0 - 31:35.0)
I know you're going to maybe
(31:35.1 - 31:37.6)
cook some soul food or something. Yes
(31:37.6 - 31:39.9)
Yes That is right up my alley.
(31:39.9 - 31:42.8)
So I'm coming to get some, be prepared.
(31:42.8 - 32:22.6)
(Instrumental Music)
(32:22.6 - 32:23.2)
Okay
(32:23.4 - 32:27.3)
So I like to end with a quote of the episode.
(32:27.4 - 32:29.9)
So what is one of your favorite quotes?
(32:29.9 - 32:31.9)
Or what is, like, one thing you want
(32:31.9 - 32:34.1)
people to take away from this episode?
(32:34.2 - 32:36.7)
What is one thing you want to dispel about
(32:36.7 - 32:39.8)
people who are ably to different? Any misconceptions?
(32:40.0 - 32:40.7)
Let us know.
(32:40.7 - 32:43.1)
That's a loaded question. (Ms. Shontay & Latavia Laughing) Its okay
(32:43.1 - 32:45.9)
So one of the biggest quotes that's kind of
(32:45.9 - 32:48.8)
served as my mantra is, it's an African proverb,
(32:48.8 - 32:51.1)
and it says, I am because we are, and
(32:51.2 - 32:53.2)
because we are, therefore I am complete.
(32:53.3 - 32:55.8)
And it's understanding that we are all
(32:55.8 - 32:58.5)
interconnected, that we all need each other.
(32:58.6 - 33:01.7)
If you're drinking coffee, it's because a Colombian farmer
(33:01.8 - 33:05.5)
or a farmer sowed the seed, nurtured that seed,
(33:05.6 - 33:09.3)
grew that seed, harvested that seed with other people.
(33:09.4 - 33:10.8)
It was shipped by people.
(33:10.9 - 33:12.0)
It came to you.
(33:12.1 - 33:14.6)
Whoever made your coffee maker, made the coffee maker.
(33:14.7 - 33:17.4)
You know, we're alive and we're thriving today
(33:17.4 - 33:19.7)
because of the efforts of somebody else.
(33:19.8 - 33:22.3)
So we are all interconnected in life,
(33:22.4 - 33:24.4)
and we all need to realize that.
(33:24.6 - 33:26.6)
And again, if you see somebody that's different
(33:26.7 - 33:28.5)
than you, see what you can do to
(33:28.5 - 33:30.7)
put a smile on their face, say hello.
(33:30.8 - 33:32.8)
Sometimes it's the simple gestures that we
(33:32.8 - 33:34.3)
do that make the biggest difference.
(33:34.4 - 33:36.8)
And if you see somebody being ostracized, take
(33:36.8 - 33:38.8)
the opportunity to either remove them from the
(33:38.8 - 33:41.4)
situation, from that person, or to ask the
(33:41.4 - 33:44.0)
aggressor why they're even feeling the need to
(33:44.0 - 33:46.9)
single somebody out based on their differences.
(33:46.9 - 33:49.4)
But know that you can be one of the
(33:49.4 - 33:52.9)
biggest contributors to saving somebody's life and making somebody
(33:53.0 - 33:55.2)
feel as a valued member of community.
(33:55.4 - 33:57.8)
So you know, your actions do matter.
(33:57.9 - 33:59.3)
Your inactions do matter.
(33:59.3 - 34:01.4)
So make sure to make your actions count.
(34:01.5 - 34:05.8)
That is very insightful, and I think sometimes we do
(34:05.8 - 34:08.0)
lose sight of that, that we have to stand on
(34:08.1 - 34:10.2)
other people's shoulders to get where we are right.
(34:10.2 - 34:12.1)
We all need each other at some point.
(34:12.2 - 34:13.9)
We all need somebody's support.
(34:14.0 - 34:16.7)
So I think thats, that is really what's missing
(34:16.7 - 34:19.3)
in today's world, that we rely on each
(34:19.4 - 34:21.3)
other to get where we need to go.
(34:21.3 - 34:22.7)
It's not just us alone.
(34:22.7 - 34:25.0)
And I think we have gotten into this mode
(34:25.0 - 34:27.9)
in society where survival of the fittest, which is
(34:27.9 - 34:30.8)
horrible, and we need to bring back more love,
(34:30.9 - 34:33.8)
more care, more compassion for each other, and just
(34:33.8 - 34:35.4)
start spreading that in the world.
(34:35.4 - 34:38.3)
And I hope this episode does that for you guys.
(34:38.4 - 34:42.0)
(Delayed Beat Sound Effect)
(34:42.0 - 34:45.3)
So that is all we have for you today, folks.
(34:45.4 - 34:46.2)
Thank you, Ms.
(34:46.2 - 34:47.8)
Shontae, for coming on.
(34:47.9 - 34:49.0)
You are awesome.
(34:49.2 - 34:51.0)
Give yourself a round of applause.
(34:51.1 - 34:52.8)
Give her round of applause, guys.
(34:52.9 - 34:54.1)
she was the best.
(34:54.2 - 35:08.2)
(Cheering Sound Effect)
(35:08.2 - 35:10.0)
You guys are the best.
(35:10.1 - 35:13.1)
Thank you for sharing, liking, and subscribing.
(35:13.2 - 35:16.6)
Keep sharing and liking and subscribing, to subscribe
(35:16.7 - 35:20.7)
You hit that plus button in the top left hand corner.
(35:20.7 - 35:23.1)
And if you would like to donate to Queens On
(35:23.1 - 35:26.1)
A Roll Podcast, you just have to create a patreon
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I have four up there, guys, and I
(35:31.7 - 35:35.0)
promise I will have great, great content for you.
(35:35.1 - 35:38.0)
So thank you for your continued support.
(35:38.2 - 35:39.5)
I love you guys.
(35:39.7 - 35:41.5)
And if you have any questions for
(35:41.5 - 35:43.2)
me or any of my guests, you
(35:43.2 - 35:47.3)
can submit them to Queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.
(35:47.4 - 35:47.8)
Again.
(35:47.9 - 35:51.4)
That is queensonaroll.podcast@gmailcom.
(35:51.5 - 35:54.6)
And we are rolling out. Bye, guys. Bye.
(35:54.7 - 35:55.4)
See you next week!
(35:55.4 - 36:47.4)
(Instrumental Music)
(36:47.4 - 36:53.1)
PLEASE go follow our insta @queensonaroll.podcast & FB Queens On A Roll & submit those questions to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com