Description of Image: Black background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners.
In this episode I sit down and discuss with Janine what it is like being a single mom with Cerebral Palsy Spastic Diplegia. So Come Roll with Us!
Description of Image: Black background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners.
In this episode I sit down and discuss with Janine what it is like being a single mom with Cerebral Palsy Spastic Diplegia. So Come Roll with Us!
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Beautiful Queen On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Come Roll With Us, OO Who Come Roll with Us
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Ooo Queens, Queens, Queens & Bells Chiming
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Hey Everyone! and Welcome back to Queens On A Roll Podcast
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This is Latavia here, and I have my
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lovely, awesome sis, Janine here with me today.
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Hey, Janine.
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Hey Tay, how you doing today? I'm good.
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How are you?
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I'm good.
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So today I brought you on the show so that you can
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talk about what it's like living with CP and being a mom.
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Are you ready? Yes I am!
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Alright let's roll!
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(Instrumental Music)
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So Janine what is it like living with CP and being a mom?
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Well, being a mom and living with
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CP has its ups and its downs.
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My son loves to ride on my chair,
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especially when we go out and do Uber.
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It's convenient for me because I can
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get to places with him quickly.
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But in the downside of it, being a disabled mom
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to an ablebodied child, there are times when he has
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his moments, as all kids do, and has his tantrums.
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And when those moments occur
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It puts me in a situation where I
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have to either let his tantrum live out.
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And then when he finally comes down
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and I'm able to get to him.
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Then have a talk with him and try to
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make him understand that Mommy has CP and there
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are things that are difficult for me.
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And then there are times when I can't calm him
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down at all and I have to sort out help.
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It's interesting, the dynamic, and that's why
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I really wanted to talk about it.
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What was it like when you were pregnant?
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Girl, the first couple of months was awesome because I'm
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very small and I had a very small belly.
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But towards the end, I couldn't stand it
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because I am 4'11 and I'm very short.
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And I think by the time he flipped, he was hitting
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my diaphragm and my hips, and I couldn't take it no more.
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I wanted him out.
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Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
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Did it take a toll because you have cerebral palsy,
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diplegia did it take a toll on your body? You know
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You're able to get up and you're able to move around.
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So did that take a toll on you?
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Yes, it really did take a toll on me, because
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having CP and having diplegia, your body is used to
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being stiff and your body is used to being tight.
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When you get pregnant, everything loosens up
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to adjust your body to the baby.
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So my bones and everything
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was crackling left and right.
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I could not sleep.
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I was in so much pain that if
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you even touched me, I would cry.
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I couldn't sleep at all.
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Oh, my goodness.
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See, that's what I'm nervous about.
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Like, being pregnant and having a baby.
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I can't imagine it right now. So
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That's why I'm so, so nervous about it.
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But how was you know delivery and the whole birth experience?
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Well, delivery and the birth experience, I say
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it was normal for the most part.
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A couple of weeks before I gave birth to
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my son, I actually had a doctor's appointment.
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And the nurse looked at me because she needed me to
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uplift the bottom half of my pelvic to do an exam.
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And she said, no, no, no you need to have a C section.
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And I just looked at her.
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I stood quiet, because I rebuked her in the name of Jesus.
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And the day of my delivery, uh
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she was actually in the room.
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So a little backtrack, the day before
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I went into labor, I went out and
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I had some Chinese food cuz I had a little craving.
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So I satisfied my craving, and I went home.
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I started having stomach pain, but
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I didn't think anything of it.
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I thought it was just a regular
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stomach ache, and I went to sleep.
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But I was eating a lot of pineapple for the
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past couple of weeks because I was sick and tired
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of being pregnant, and I wanted him out.
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And pineapple has an enzyme that
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helps you go into labor.
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So the next day, I woke up and
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I started having contractions, and I'm like, okay.
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And by the time I got to
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the hospital, I was seven centimeters dilated
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(Gasping Sound Effect)
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Now, in the delivery room, my body was already adjusted
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to sitting down the whole nine months of pregnancy.
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So my son was coming down normally, but the nurses wanted
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to force me into laying back down in the bed.
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I got so frustrated.
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At one point, I told one of the nurses off,
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and I told him, leave my bed alone because my
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body's already adjusted to sitting, so he's going to come
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out in that position, because my body's adjusted to this
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position already and obviously got to the point where when
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you're going to give birth, it feels like you need
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to go to the bathroom.
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And I could not stop pushing, so I did
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get a numbing block, because, as you know, having
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CP, when you're in extreme pain, you go into
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muscle spasms and your legs will lock. Mhmm
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So I took the numbing block because I knew that
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if my legs locked, they were going to Csection me.
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And plus, they were very pro
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wanting to Csection me anyway.
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So I took the numbing block, and when I
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took the numbing block, my legs went kaplab
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So I was like, okay, good.
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But then I couldn't stop pushing because I was already
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at that point where I really needed to push.
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And they kept telling me, don't push, because if
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you keep pushing, we're gonna Csection you.
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And they kept on and they kept on until I
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got so frustrated, but I was like, you know what?
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Just give me an epidural not because of the pain.
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The pain was horrible
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I was actually doing college work while giving labor.
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So I got the Csection, and then my son was born,
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I think, if I'm not mistaken, at 12:08 AM
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Yeah, that's the thing that I was scared about,
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because you know we take muscle relaxers to relax our body.
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So I was like, would the epidural like really relax you
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too much where you can't control anything during birth?
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I wasn't sure.
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So you actually answered some questions for me.
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Why were you scared about having the C section?
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Because I knew having a C section and having a
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new baby, it was gonna be very difficult to
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attend to the baby as well as healing from that
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Csection, especially in the condition that I am in.
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So I didn't wanna have to be in a
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predicament where it was gonna be a struggle.
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And my dad's a tough cookie, so you know he helps me out
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a lot, but he also let me be a mom, and
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there were a lot of people praying for me.
(08:55.6 - 08:57.4)
So I'm very glad that the Lord kept
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me from that and I didn't have to
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be put through that extra unnecessary pain. Mhmm
(09:02.3 - 09:04.5)
What was infancy like you know when he
(09:04.5 - 09:05.8)
was a couple of months old?
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What was that like? It was very hard.
(09:07.8 - 09:09.6)
I went through a very, very,
(09:09.6 - 09:11.4)
very deep postpartum depression.
(09:11.4 - 09:13.0)
And this is something that a lot
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of people don't like to talk about.
(09:14.5 - 09:15.6)
But when I gave birth to
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my son, I disassociated completely.
(09:17.7 - 09:19.2)
Obviously, I kept it to myself.
(09:19.3 - 09:20.4)
I didn't let the doctor
(09:20.5 - 09:22.8)
see, but I completely disassociated.
(09:22.9 - 09:26.4)
It took me a very long time to attach myself to my son.
(09:26.5 - 09:29.9)
A lot of people you know think that giving birth, oh, right away
(09:30.0 - 09:32.5)
I was attached to my baby, and there are people that
(09:32.5 - 09:34.5)
are like that, but for me it wasn't like that.
(09:34.5 - 09:36.6)
So I went through a very deep depression.
(09:36.7 - 09:38.8)
My father helped me out a lot, but it was a
(09:38.8 - 09:41.7)
lot of crying and it was a lot of feeling lonely.
(09:41.8 - 09:43.3)
You know Even though I was in my
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father's house, I was with Janice.
(09:45.1 - 09:46.2)
It was just us three.
(09:46.3 - 09:48.3)
He was the one helping me put diapers
(09:48.3 - 09:50.6)
and changing him and dressing him, being a
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dad all over again, cuz he's a dad. You know
(09:53.3 - 09:54.8)
So I'm very grateful.
(09:54.8 - 09:56.9)
But he also let me do it a lot on my own.
(09:56.9 - 09:57.8)
And I breastfeed.
(09:57.9 - 10:00.1)
I breastfeed completely. No formula.
(10:00.1 - 10:01.8)
So I was so skinny and
(10:01.8 - 10:04.6)
so dehydrated and so sleep deprived
(10:04.7 - 10:07.5)
I actually had a doula, and for the first couple of weeks
(10:07.5 - 10:10.4)
she would come by, and one day she came by, and I
(10:10.4 - 10:13.1)
was so sleep deprived that she was talking to me.
(10:13.1 - 10:15.3)
And I was hysterically laughing at any
(10:15.3 - 10:16.7)
little thing she was saying to me.
(10:16.8 - 10:18.3)
She was like, if you don't go to
(10:18.4 - 10:20.6)
sleep right now, so she took the baby.
(10:20.6 - 10:22.2)
And I went and I took a nap, which
(10:22.2 - 10:24.1)
I really did need it but it was very hard.
(10:24.1 - 10:25.9)
My dad really did put me through
(10:26.0 - 10:30.7)
what us Puerto Ricans call la cuarentena I did not go out for those full 40 days
(10:30.7 - 10:32.9)
unless it was to take the baby out to the doctor.
(10:33.0 - 10:35.2)
My dad taught me in his own way, cuz
(10:35.2 - 10:36.8)
he's a father, but he taught me in his
(10:36.8 - 10:38.8)
own way what a mother goes through. So
(10:38.9 - 10:42.0)
Yeah, that sounds kind of similar to my mom
(10:42.1 - 10:44.0)
(Story Time Sound Effect)
(10:44.0 - 10:46.7)
because back in high school, right,
(10:46.8 - 10:49.8)
we had these mechanical babies, and they were like,
(10:49.9 - 10:53.0)
oh, you know, you should you know take them with you,
(10:53.1 - 10:55.0)
get the full mom experience.
(10:55.2 - 10:57.4)
So my friends and I like, Dummies.
(10:57.4 - 10:58.7)
We were like, okay, we don't
(10:58.7 - 10:59.7)
wanna leave them in school.
(10:59.8 - 11:00.9)
We wanna take them home.
(11:01.0 - 11:03.9)
So we decided that all of us were gonna take them
(11:04.0 - 11:06.2)
home, and we were gonna have a good old time.
(11:06.3 - 11:08.3)
And I don't know what they did, but
(11:08.4 - 11:11.0)
all of our mechanical babies were in sync.
(11:11.1 - 11:13.7)
So we were, like, calling each other at two, three,
(11:13.8 - 11:16.2)
four in the morning, like, did your baby cry?
(11:16.3 - 11:17.5)
My baby cried
(11:17.6 - 11:19.3)
I'm so exhausted.
(11:19.5 - 11:21.6)
And my mom, she treated it as
(11:21.7 - 11:23.0)
if it was her own grandchild.
(11:23.0 - 11:24.3)
She said, Wake up, wake up.
(11:24.4 - 11:25.3)
Your baby's crying.
(11:25.4 - 11:27.0)
I'm like, I know, Mommy. I know.
(11:27.1 - 11:28.1)
Stick the key in it.
(11:28.1 - 11:30.7)
Just stick the key in it and go back to sleep, please.
(11:30.7 - 11:31.7)
I'm tired.
(11:31.8 - 11:33.9)
I've been up every half hour.
(11:34.1 - 11:35.2)
Give me a break.
(11:35.4 - 11:37.5)
She's like, nope, you wanted to bring this baby home?
(11:37.6 - 11:40.6)
This baby is your responsibility, so wake it
(11:40.6 - 11:45.0)
on up and feed your baby or change its diaper, whatever you have to do.
(11:45.1 - 11:49.0)
And I'm like, no, Mommy, please just take the key.
(11:49.0 - 11:50.4)
I didn't get enough sleep.
(11:50.5 - 11:52.2)
So she's like, uh nun that's your baby.
(11:52.2 - 11:53.6)
You're gonna have to take care of it.
(11:53.6 - 11:55.2)
And when I tell you, when I woke
(11:55.2 - 11:58.1)
up the next morning, I was exhausted.
(11:58.2 - 12:00.2)
I think that was the best experience for
(12:00.2 - 12:02.6)
me and the best birth control ever, because
(12:02.7 - 12:04.4)
after that experience, I didn't want a baby.
(12:04.4 - 12:05.3)
I was like, that's it.
(12:05.3 - 12:07.1)
I'm not having children. That's a rap.
(12:07.2 - 12:09.9)
When I tell you I was rolling around in my wheelchair
(12:10.0 - 12:12.9)
in school with the baby in my lap and everything falling
(12:13.0 - 12:16.2)
asleep, because we didn't get any sleep that night.
(12:16.3 - 12:17.6)
It was ridiculous.
(12:17.7 - 12:19.6)
I said, okay, this was the best birth
(12:19.6 - 12:22.2)
control ever because I don't want a baby
(12:22.2 - 12:25.2)
now, so I can only sympathize with you.
(12:25.3 - 12:27.2)
I can definitely sympathize cuz
(12:27.2 - 12:29.0)
that experience was hell.
(12:29.0 - 12:31.9)
I'm not even gonna front, so I commend you.
(12:31.9 - 12:34.4)
You're, like, the best mom today, so I commend you
(12:34.4 - 12:36.5)
for that because that's a lot of hard work.
(12:36.5 - 13:09.1)
(Cheering Sound Effect)
(13:09.1 - 13:57.6)
(Instrumental Music)
(13:57.7 - 13:59.5)
What was the toddler stage like?
(13:59.6 - 14:01.7)
Even though he's a toddler now, what was that like?
(14:01.7 - 14:03.9)
You know, once he started walking and moving
(14:04.0 - 14:06.8)
around, when he first started walking and moving
(14:06.8 - 14:08.5)
around, I thought it was so cute.
(14:08.5 - 14:11.6)
I remember when you know he was first born, and I would play
(14:11.7 - 14:13.9)
with him, and I would say, I can't wait till hes older
(14:14.0 - 14:15.4)
and he starts talking.
(14:15.5 - 14:17.9)
At first, it was very cute until he went into
(14:17.9 - 14:21.0)
the stage of he wants to destroy my house.
(14:21.2 - 14:23.0)
He showed signs very young that he
(14:23.0 - 14:24.5)
was gonna be a tough cookie.
(14:24.5 - 14:25.6)
Thing was, since he was so
(14:25.7 - 14:27.2)
small, you would laugh it off
(14:27.3 - 14:31.9)
Now I'm just like, he needs Jesus, Latavia (laughing) oh, my goodness.
(14:32.5 - 14:33.6)
Oh, no.
(14:33.8 - 14:36.7)
Is it like past the terrible two stage now?
(14:36.7 - 14:38.7)
I know, like, during the terrible twos,
(14:38.8 - 14:42.5)
they're always saying, no, no, no.
(14:42.5 - 14:46.6)
Girl, It's been the terrible twos, the terrible threes.
(14:46.6 - 14:48.7)
And if people say terrible fours don't
(14:48.7 - 14:51.3)
exist, they liars because it exist.
(14:51.4 - 14:54.1)
Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness.
(14:54.2 - 14:56.2)
I guess it's difficult, too, because you
(14:56.2 - 14:59.3)
have a son, so its that mom son dynamic. You know
(14:59.4 - 15:01.3)
So I guess that's what makes it difficult.
(15:01.4 - 15:05.0)
How do you, like, really handle you know and you being in
(15:05.0 - 15:07.9)
the chair, how do you handle those timeout moments?
(15:08.1 - 15:11.4)
Honestly, being a disabled mom, for me personally, and being
(15:11.5 - 15:15.1)
a single disabled mother, cuz I'm a complete single disabled
(15:15.2 - 15:17.2)
mom, the father is not in the picture.
(15:17.2 - 15:18.3)
He's a complete ghost.
(15:18.4 - 15:19.5)
There is no timeout.
(15:19.6 - 15:21.9)
I try very hard to discipline him.
(15:21.9 - 15:23.9)
I try very hard to teach him timeout.
(15:24.0 - 15:26.7)
But that little boy is a little Tommy pickles.
(15:26.8 - 15:28.6)
He has a mind of his own. You know
(15:28.7 - 15:31.3)
So I'm working with him the best way I can.
(15:31.4 - 15:34.0)
The school that he's in, they're also helping
(15:34.0 - 15:35.7)
me in the best way they can.
(15:35.8 - 15:39.3)
And you know as a mother and as a daughter who has been
(15:39.4 - 15:41.6)
raised in the ways of the Lord, all I can do
(15:41.6 - 15:44.6)
is pray you know and leave things in the hands of God.
(15:44.7 - 15:47.4)
And little by little, as he gets older and he
(15:47.4 - 15:50.2)
gets to understand a little bit more, work with him,
(15:50.3 - 15:54.6)
work with him and understanding him and you know not letting my
(15:54.7 - 15:58.0)
past traumas pass on to him and just teaching him
(15:58.1 - 16:01.1)
different ways on how to control and better his emotions,
(16:01.1 - 16:03.0)
I think that's an excellent idea.
(16:03.2 - 16:07.2)
I'm always afraid that you know if I have a son or a
(16:07.2 - 16:11.0)
daughter, when it's timeout moments, they'll try to take my chair
(16:11.0 - 16:13.1)
and put it on push so they don't have to listen.
(16:13.2 - 16:14.2)
Does he do that?
(16:14.3 - 16:15.6)
He doesn't do it, intentionally
(16:15.7 - 16:16.9)
cuz he doesn't really know yet.
(16:17.0 - 16:19.1)
The other day he went and did something.
(16:19.1 - 16:22.1)
I don't remember exactly what it was, but he accidentally
(16:22.2 - 16:24.8)
took the break off, and then I got mad cuz
(16:24.8 - 16:28.1)
I couldn't move, so I'm like, put my chair back
(16:28.1 - 16:30.2)
and he came and he did it. So he listens.
(16:30.2 - 16:32.3)
He has his moments, you know but when he
(16:32.3 - 16:35.0)
has the bad moments, unfortunately they're bad. You know
(16:35.2 - 16:36.4)
And it's been hard.
(16:36.4 - 16:39.3)
There's been a lot of tears shed. Its... It's been hard.
(16:39.3 - 16:41.1)
I can definitely understand that.
(16:41.2 - 16:43.2)
Does he understand, like, my mommy
(16:43.2 - 16:45.1)
is different from everyone else's mommy?
(16:45.1 - 16:46.2)
Does he get it yet?
(16:46.3 - 16:47.8)
I think in a way he does.
(16:47.9 - 16:51.3)
I do tell him constantly that mommy is different.
(16:51.3 - 16:52.9)
And I pointed out to him a
(16:52.9 - 16:55.3)
lot because he does notice other children.
(16:55.4 - 16:57.1)
And for some reason now he's at
(16:57.1 - 16:59.0)
a stage where he's noticing color. Mhmm
(16:59.1 - 17:02.7)
And I always try to remind him everybody is equal,
(17:02.8 - 17:05.3)
does not matter the color or the way people look.
(17:05.4 - 17:08.0)
And speaking of that, I remember one time there
(17:08.0 - 17:10.2)
was a little girl and may God rest her soul
(17:10.3 - 17:13.1)
She had the sick, I forgot what it's called, but
(17:13.1 - 17:16.0)
it's that disease where you get old before time.
(17:16.1 - 17:18.1)
Oh, yeah, I think I know what you're
(17:18.1 - 17:20.0)
talking about, but I can't remember the name.
(17:20.0 - 17:22.7)
So he noticed that little girl because when she passed
(17:22.7 - 17:24.6)
away and I saw it come up on social
(17:24.7 - 17:27.3)
media, he got very, very scared of her.
(17:27.3 - 17:29.1)
And that shook me a little bit.
(17:29.1 - 17:31.7)
And I brought him close to me and I gave him a
(17:31.7 - 17:34.6)
hug and I told him, papi she's a beautiful little girl.
(17:34.7 - 17:35.6)
She's just different.
(17:35.7 - 17:37.8)
He's like, no, Mommy, please take the picture down.
(17:37.9 - 17:39.5)
I'm like, no, I want you to look
(17:39.5 - 17:41.1)
at her and I want you to understand
(17:41.2 - 17:43.5)
that although she's different, she's still beautiful.
(17:43.6 - 17:45.0)
And then he looked at her and
(17:45.0 - 17:47.2)
she's like, she's beautiful, and said, yes.
(17:47.2 - 17:52.4)
Awww It's great that he's learning that there's differences, but
(17:52.4 - 17:55.2)
even though there's differences, people are still who they
(17:55.3 - 17:56.7)
are and you should love them all.
(17:56.8 - 17:58.6)
So I'm grateful for that.
(17:58.7 - 18:00.9)
I was always worried about that, so maybe I
(18:00.9 - 18:02.4)
don't need to be so worried about it.
(18:02.4 - 18:04.6)
But the discipline part I know I'm worried about.
(18:04.7 - 18:05.0)
I don't know.
(18:05.0 - 18:06.8)
That's why I have my reservations about
(18:06.8 - 18:09.0)
having children, cuz I just don't know.
(18:09.0 - 18:10.1)
I don't know.
(18:10.2 - 18:13.6)
Did your body change at all? Besides the stretch marks
(18:13.7 - 18:14.5)
I would say no.
(18:14.5 - 18:17.4)
Thankfully, I made sure I ate very, very healthy.
(18:17.5 - 18:19.1)
I honestly lost my appetite.
(18:19.2 - 18:21.0)
It was very rare that I caught a craving.
(18:21.0 - 18:23.7)
The most cravings that I did have while pregnant
(18:23.8 - 18:26.4)
were eating pickles with butter Pecan ice cream,
(18:26.5 - 18:30.0)
pizza, and um maybe once or twice some Chinese food.
(18:30.0 - 18:32.7)
But I completely lost my appetite.
(18:32.7 - 18:33.9)
I ate a lot of food.
(18:34.0 - 18:35.8)
I drank a lot of coconut water.
(18:35.9 - 18:38.1)
I'm naturally about maybe the most I would
(18:38.2 - 18:40.2)
go up to is 95 or 110.
(18:40.4 - 18:42.1)
I went up to 120 exactly.
(18:42.2 - 18:43.7)
And I made sure that I stood there.
(18:43.7 - 18:44.9)
Because it's a myth when they
(18:44.9 - 18:46.2)
say you're eating for two.
(18:46.2 - 18:48.4)
No, whatever you eat, the baby eats.
(18:48.4 - 18:50.5)
So I was not trying to over gain weight cuz
(18:50.6 - 18:52.7)
then it would have been hard to lose it. Yeah.
(18:52.7 - 18:54.6)
And I assume it would have been hard to
(18:54.6 - 18:57.3)
move around as well with CP and everything. So
(18:57.5 - 18:59.3)
Was that your weirdest craving?
(18:59.4 - 19:00.7)
What was your weirdest craving?
(19:00.8 - 19:02.6)
It was just the, the pickles.
(19:02.7 - 19:04.6)
Yeah, l would say it was the pickles.
(19:04.6 - 19:07.5)
And my dad is a big fan of butter pecan ice cream.
(19:07.6 - 19:11.7)
And I'm a complete daddy's girl, so (Janine Laughing) my
(19:11.7 - 19:14.4)
dad introduced me to butter pecans so young.
(19:14.5 - 19:16.3)
So if it was not butter pecan
(19:16.4 - 19:17.9)
ice cream with a pickle.
(19:17.9 - 19:19.1)
I was not having it.
(19:19.2 - 19:20.9)
Oh, how did that taste?
(19:21.1 - 19:23.2)
Honestly, it tasted very good.
(19:23.3 - 19:25.1)
I would imagine it's, like, sweet
(19:25.1 - 19:28.5)
and sour yeah it was, with a nut taste. Latavia (disgusting sound)
(19:28.6 - 19:32.1)
It was like a savory mix with sweet, and
(19:32.1 - 19:33.5)
it's like, when you think about it, you might
(19:33.5 - 19:38.1)
say ill, but the flavors complemented themselves quite nicely.
(19:38.1 - 19:38.4)
Okay.
(19:38.5 - 19:39.4)
I think that's what you
(19:39.5 - 19:40.9)
thought because you were pregnant.
(19:40.9 - 19:42.5)
I don't think so. Okay.
(19:42.6 - 19:47.2)
I'm just saying, (Latavia laughing) my taste buds is not craving
(19:47.3 - 19:50.5)
for some pickle or peanut butter ice cream. It is not.
(19:50.6 - 19:52.2)
So I think you were just craving
(19:52.3 - 19:54.8)
that in the moment, you know all the hormones.
(19:54.8 - 19:56.0)
So I'm gonna just give you that one.
(19:56.0 - 19:58.1)
I'm gonna give you that correction, girl.
(19:58.1 - 19:59.5)
Butter pecan ice cream.
(19:59.5 - 20:01.5)
Let's get it correct. Oh, I'm sorry.
(20:01.5 - 20:03.4)
Butter pecan ice cream.
(20:03.4 - 20:04.7)
I'm very sorry, but I still
(20:04.7 - 20:06.1)
don't think it goes with pickles.
(20:06.2 - 20:09.3)
I don't care that sweet and savory tastes,
(20:09.7 - 20:11.4)
because then it has nuts in it.
(20:11.5 - 20:15.3)
So it's sweet, it's savory, and then nutty. No. Okay.
(20:15.4 - 20:16.9)
No, that's too much.
(20:16.9 - 20:18.4)
That's too, too much.
(20:18.4 - 21:08.0)
(Instrumental Music)
(21:08.0 - 21:10.5)
(Delayed Beat Sound Effect)
(21:10.5 - 21:12.5)
what are you doing now?
(21:12.6 - 21:15.1)
You know, being a mom and raising your son
(21:15.2 - 21:17.4)
What are you doing for Janine now?
(21:17.5 - 21:18.7)
Well, let's be honest.
(21:18.8 - 21:21.5)
When you become a mom, although they say selfcare
(21:21.6 - 21:23.8)
is very important, a lot of the times that
(21:23.9 - 21:25.8)
does go out the window, because when you become
(21:25.9 - 21:27.7)
a mom, you're no longer living for you.
(21:27.8 - 21:29.5)
You're living for your children. You know
(21:29.5 - 21:31.8)
And that's one thing that I've had to
(21:31.8 - 21:33.6)
learn, that I still have goals, I still
(21:33.6 - 21:36.2)
have ambitions, and I still have dreams. Yes, I do.
(21:36.2 - 21:39.1)
That I plan to fulfill those dreams. Yes, I do.
(21:39.1 - 21:41.9)
But my son comes first, and I've had to learn that.
(21:41.9 - 21:44.0)
I've had to put, for now, a lot of those dreams
(21:44.1 - 21:47.8)
on hold and understand that I have a responsibility now.
(21:47.8 - 21:51.9)
So when God says it's my time, then it will be my time.
(21:52.0 - 21:55.6)
But in the meantime, I just try to enjoy him you know for now.
(21:55.7 - 21:56.6)
We do Uber.
(21:56.8 - 21:58.1)
We do uber eats.
(21:58.2 - 22:00.0)
What is that like? Yeah.
(22:00.0 - 22:02.1)
So me and him go out in my
(22:02.2 - 22:04.6)
wheelchair, and we go do Uber eats.
(22:04.7 - 22:06.7)
And I teach him at his little age
(22:06.8 - 22:08.8)
of four years old, how to make money.
(22:08.9 - 22:09.7)
cuz, you know what?
(22:09.7 - 22:12.8)
It's important to learn the value of money, and it's
(22:12.8 - 22:15.2)
important to teach him that at a very young age.
(22:15.3 - 22:17.1)
Of course, I wouldn't want him to be
(22:17.2 - 22:20.9)
a fanatic, because no, but he enjoys it.
(22:20.9 - 22:23.4)
We get to go outside, we get to meet new
(22:23.4 - 22:27.2)
people, and whatever extra tips I get, I let him
(22:27.2 - 22:29.6)
keep it, and I tell him, Save it for you.
(22:29.6 - 22:30.4)
Because you know what?
(22:30.4 - 22:32.6)
Regardless of the fact he might be sitting there and going
(22:32.6 - 22:35.6)
for a ride, but he's helping me yea. because he holds the
(22:35.6 - 22:37.7)
bag or he wants to give it to the customer.
(22:37.8 - 22:40.6)
So I teach him, and we have a lot of fun doing it.
(22:40.6 - 22:41.3)
That's great.
(22:41.3 - 22:42.6)
That is definitely great.
(22:42.7 - 22:45.3)
And I think that's good, its teaching him at an early
(22:45.4 - 22:47.9)
age to be helpful to anybody that needs help.
(22:47.9 - 22:49.3)
So I think it's a great idea,
(22:49.4 - 22:50.9)
and that's a great thing to do.
(22:51.0 - 22:53.9)
What do you want to do in the future you know
(22:54.1 - 22:56.4)
once your son gets a little bit older?
(22:56.5 - 22:58.6)
cuz I know you talked about sacrificing.
(22:58.7 - 23:00.2)
Was sacrificing hard?
(23:00.2 - 23:02.0)
Because you had him young, and I know when
(23:02.0 - 23:03.9)
you have them young, it's like, okay, now I
(23:03.9 - 23:06.1)
have to give up everything to help him.
(23:06.2 - 23:08.1)
Was that a hard transition?
(23:08.2 - 23:09.8)
It was a hard transition.
(23:09.9 - 23:11.6)
I've always been a homegirl.
(23:11.6 - 23:14.0)
I've always been a girl, that my life was either
(23:14.1 - 23:16.7)
at school, or the mall, or with my doggy.
(23:16.7 - 23:18.2)
I am a big dog lover (Janine laughing)
(23:18.4 - 23:19.5)
That was my life.
(23:19.6 - 23:23.2)
So Janine was always and is always very predictable.
(23:23.3 - 23:25.8)
Maybe not now so much because you know I
(23:25.8 - 23:27.2)
have a kid and things happen.
(23:27.3 - 23:28.7)
But you know that was my life.
(23:28.8 - 23:30.9)
Traveling, like I said, going to school, going to
(23:30.9 - 23:32.8)
the mall, going shopping, and being with my dog.
(23:32.9 - 23:35.5)
So once I have my son, that completely changed.
(23:35.5 - 23:37.9)
I could no longer sit here and say, well, I have $60.
(23:37.9 - 23:38.9)
I have $50.
(23:39.0 - 23:42.0)
Let me go to Victoria's Secret and blow all the money.
(23:42.1 - 23:43.5)
I can't do that anymore. You know
(23:43.6 - 23:47.3)
So little, little pleasures like that, I do miss. You know
(23:47.4 - 23:49.6)
And every now and then, if I get blessed
(23:49.7 - 23:52.3)
with the opportunity and now I know now I've
(23:52.3 - 23:55.3)
taught myself, don't buy anything unless it's on sale. (Latavia Chuckling)
(23:55.4 - 23:57.9)
So if every now and then I get
(23:57.9 - 23:59.7)
blessed with the opportunity to at least buy
(23:59.8 - 24:01.9)
myself a little something, I enjoy that.
(24:01.9 - 24:03.7)
I call it now a little guilty pleasure.
(24:03.8 - 24:05.9)
I enjoy it because once you become
(24:06.0 - 24:07.6)
a parent, it's no longer about you.
(24:07.7 - 24:09.3)
You have to make sure that their needs are met.
(24:09.4 - 24:11.3)
And once their needs are met, then
(24:11.4 - 24:13.0)
if you have a little something for
(24:13.0 - 24:15.0)
yourself, then take care of your business.
(24:15.1 - 24:18.5)
See, I'm learning a lot about myself in this episode because I like
(24:18.5 - 24:21.3)
to get up and go and do what I like to do.
(24:21.5 - 24:23.0)
So that's why I kind of
(24:23.0 - 24:25.3)
held off on, on having children, too.
(24:25.3 - 24:28.1)
I like to get up, go and go and come as a please
(24:28.1 - 24:30.0)
And I know that once I have a child,
(24:30.0 - 24:32.7)
that's all gonna like stop to a certain degree.
(24:32.8 - 24:34.7)
So that's why I say, I commend you, cuz
(24:34.8 - 24:37.1)
I don't think right now at this point in
(24:37.1 - 24:39.5)
my life, I could sacrifice that much.
(24:39.6 - 24:41.2)
I'm a little too selfish still.
(24:41.3 - 24:43.1)
Yeah, it is a lot of sacrifice.
(24:43.2 - 24:45.5)
Before I had my son, I was doing a lot of modeling.
(24:45.6 - 24:47.3)
I was competing in pageants.
(24:47.5 - 24:49.5)
And I'll never forget the day that
(24:49.5 - 24:50.9)
I told my dad I was pregnant.
(24:51.0 - 24:52.6)
I broke that poor man's heart.
(24:52.7 - 24:55.2)
It was on Thanksgiving, and he knew something was
(24:55.2 - 24:57.7)
wrong because every Thanksgiving, I won't eat for the
(24:57.8 - 25:00.3)
whole day to save room for the night time,
(25:00.4 - 25:01.9)
to stuff my face with food.
(25:01.9 - 25:04.2)
And that day, I was so sad.
(25:04.3 - 25:06.5)
And I took maybe a few spoons, and I went to my room.
(25:06.6 - 25:09.3)
So I come to the room, and I lock myself in the room.
(25:09.3 - 25:11.6)
And he comes into the room. I never forget.
(25:11.6 - 25:13.5)
He sits down on my computer chair, which
(25:13.6 - 25:15.2)
was a very hard chair to sit on.
(25:15.2 - 25:17.1)
So he sits down on the chair, and he
(25:17.1 - 25:18.7)
looks at me and he says, mommy was wrong.
(25:18.7 - 25:19.9)
I'm like nothing, Papi
(25:19.9 - 25:22.4)
And then he broke me when he started saying, talk
(25:22.4 - 25:24.0)
to me, cuz it's gonnna come a point in
(25:24.1 - 25:25.9)
time where you're gonna wanna talk to me,
(25:25.9 - 25:27.7)
and I'm not gonna be around anymore.
(25:27.9 - 25:29.4)
So I started balling my eyes
(25:29.5 - 25:31.0)
out cuz I am very sensitive.
(25:31.0 - 25:33.6)
And I just told him you know, Papi, I'm so sorry. You know
(25:33.7 - 25:36.2)
And all I said was, Papi please don't kick me out.
(25:36.2 - 25:38.1)
cuz that was the first thing that came to my brain.
(25:38.2 - 25:39.2)
And he just looked at me.
(25:39.2 - 25:40.4)
He said, Janine, are you pregnant?
(25:40.5 - 25:41.4)
And I just started crying.
(25:41.4 - 25:42.6)
And I just kept saying, I'm sorry.
(25:42.7 - 25:44.2)
And he put his head down, and all
(25:44.2 - 25:45.8)
he said was, Janine, but look at everything
(25:45.9 - 25:48.5)
you're doing, all you're modeling, all your pageantry.
(25:48.6 - 25:49.7)
And it hurt. You know.
(25:49.8 - 25:53.0)
It hurt me that I knew in that moment I hurt him.
(25:53.1 - 25:56.9)
Because as a parent, we have dreams for our children. Mhmm
(25:57.0 - 26:00.4)
So when us as children, we put those dreams
(26:00.4 - 26:03.5)
on hold because of bad decisions that we made.
(26:03.6 - 26:05.5)
We hurt our parents in the process.
(26:05.6 - 26:07.9)
And it took a while for my father to come around.
(26:08.0 - 26:09.5)
It took a very long time.
(26:09.6 - 26:11.7)
But I gave him his space, even though it was
(26:11.7 - 26:14.1)
hard because I lived in the same household with him. You know
(26:14.2 - 26:16.2)
And as a daughter, and this is something
(26:16.2 - 26:17.6)
a lot of people don't talk about.
(26:17.6 - 26:19.0)
In my own way, I did feel
(26:19.0 - 26:21.5)
ashamed because I knew I hurt him.
(26:21.6 - 26:24.0)
And I tried my best with my clothes
(26:24.1 - 26:26.0)
to hide my stomach as it grew.
(26:26.1 - 26:27.3)
And I gave him his space
(26:27.4 - 26:30.5)
And you know the only thing I could think of one day was when
(26:30.5 - 26:33.3)
I went to find out what the sex of the baby was.
(26:33.5 - 26:36.4)
I went to a 3D sonogram place, and they gave
(26:36.4 - 26:39.0)
me a little teddy bear with his heartbeat and everything.
(26:39.1 - 26:41.0)
So I went up to him you know because I had to
(26:41.0 - 26:43.2)
figure out a way to get my dad to come around. You know
(26:43.3 - 26:45.8)
And I went up to him and I gave him the elephant.
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It was an elephant.
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And I said, hey, papi pressed this. He pressed it.
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I'm like, what do you think that is?
(26:50.1 - 26:51.8)
He said a washing machine.
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And I started laughing.
(26:53.5 - 26:55.0)
I'm like, no, press it again.
(26:55.1 - 26:57.8)
A car, i'm like, no, that's the baby's heartbeat.
(26:57.8 - 26:59.8)
And right when I said that, I passed him
(26:59.8 - 27:02.0)
the 3D pictures, and I said, It's a boy.
(27:02.1 - 27:04.6)
He's like, that's what the baby looks like.
(27:04.8 - 27:05.6)
I'm like, yeah.
(27:05.7 - 27:07.4)
And that was the first time ever
(27:07.5 - 27:09.7)
he saw a sonogram of my son.
(27:09.7 - 27:11.4)
And at that time, I think I was about five
(27:11.5 - 27:14.4)
months pregnant, and from that moment on, he came around.
(27:14.4 - 27:15.9)
Yeah, I think you're right.
(27:16.0 - 27:17.8)
Parents, they want more for us, right?
(27:17.8 - 27:20.4)
I remember my mom always saying, like, I don't want you
(27:20.4 - 27:23.4)
to get pregnant at 17 cuz I got pregnant at 17.
(27:23.5 - 27:24.9)
So here's what we gotta do.
(27:25.0 - 27:27.3)
You hold on to your virginity, and
(27:27.3 - 27:29.6)
I'll get you a sweet 16 party. You know
(27:29.8 - 27:33.5)
So you're right, like parents do want more for their kids.
(27:33.5 - 27:35.8)
But I think it's also important for you to remember
(27:35.9 - 27:38.5)
that we have to live our own lives too, right?
(27:38.5 - 27:42.1)
And your son was brought here for a reason, right?
(27:42.1 - 27:45.0)
So your dad may feel like it was the wrong timing.
(27:45.0 - 27:47.1)
You may feel like it was the wrong timing.
(27:47.1 - 27:49.5)
God said, listen, I want him in the world.
(27:49.5 - 27:51.6)
This is the time that I want him to come in.
(27:51.7 - 27:54.1)
So even though I empathize with that feeling
(27:54.1 - 27:56.8)
and I sympathize with it, understand that everybody
(27:56.9 - 27:58.8)
has a different life path to take.
(27:58.9 - 28:01.4)
And your life path is different from my life path.
(28:01.5 - 28:03.0)
My life path is different. You know.
(28:03.1 - 28:05.2)
So he was meant to be brought
(28:05.3 - 28:06.8)
here, and it was for a reason.
(28:06.9 - 28:08.4)
You may not know what that reason is.
(28:08.5 - 28:09.8)
You'll find out later.
(28:09.8 - 28:13.4)
Everything happens, bumps and lumps along the road.
(28:13.5 - 28:15.5)
But you made it out, and you're a
(28:15.5 - 28:18.8)
phenomenal woman now, and you're doing great things.
(28:18.8 - 28:20.7)
Now you went back to school.
(28:20.9 - 28:23.3)
Talk about that a little bit. Yes, I did.
(28:23.4 - 28:24.7)
I went back to school.
(28:24.8 - 28:26.9)
I finished my associate's degree.
(28:27.0 - 28:28.5)
I started out for my bachelor's.
(28:28.5 - 28:31.2)
I actually have um one semester left.
(28:31.3 - 28:35.9)
Yay!, Yes, I um need to re enroll in school, and that is
(28:35.9 - 28:39.1)
something that I am definitely planning on doing in January.
(28:39.2 - 28:41.5)
And just pausing on that for 1 second
(28:41.5 - 28:44.7)
and going back to what you said. Yes. You know.
(28:44.7 - 28:46.9)
My father actually, when they looked at me and
(28:47.0 - 28:49.3)
he said, Janine, you don't understand this now, but
(28:49.4 - 28:50.9)
that little boy was meant for you.
(28:50.9 - 28:52.6)
He wasn't meant for anybody else.
(28:52.6 - 28:53.8)
He was meant for you. You know
(28:53.9 - 28:55.2)
And they're best friends now.
(28:55.2 - 28:56.2)
That's his little papi
(28:56.2 - 28:58.0)
Don't mess with him. You know
(28:58.0 - 28:59.6)
So it's true what you say.
(28:59.6 - 29:01.3)
Everything does happen for a reason.
(29:01.4 - 29:04.4)
And because of that little boy, I am stronger.
(29:04.5 - 29:07.5)
I'm able to tolerate things now that before my
(29:07.5 - 29:10.1)
son, I would not have been able to tolerate.
(29:10.1 - 29:12.4)
And the Lord has put me through the fire.
(29:12.5 - 29:15.1)
But that's okay, because once I get out of
(29:15.1 - 29:17.1)
that, I'm gonna be so much stronger, and
(29:17.1 - 29:19.5)
he will perfect what he started in me.
(29:19.6 - 29:21.1)
I definitely agree with you.
(29:21.2 - 29:22.4)
I definitely agree.
(29:22.5 - 30:11.9)
(Instrumental Music)
(30:12.0 - 30:15.2)
(Cartoon Stair Climbing Sound Effect)
(30:15.2 - 30:18.0)
Besides going back to school, you are
(30:18.1 - 30:19.5)
doing a little bit of modeling.
(30:19.6 - 30:21.7)
So talk about that a bit. Yes.
(30:21.8 - 30:24.9)
I actually got signed on to an agency.
(30:25.0 - 30:29.5)
I actually did my first photo shoot for uh Party City.
(30:29.7 - 30:31.2)
Um So that was very exciting.
(30:31.3 - 30:33.6)
I had never experienced anything like that.
(30:33.6 - 30:34.9)
Congratulations!
(30:35.0 - 30:36.5)
Thank you so much.
(30:36.7 - 30:40.4)
And you know, I know better things are yet to come. You know
(30:40.5 - 30:41.6)
I don't know what.
(30:41.6 - 30:43.7)
God's plans are for me, but he knows
(30:43.7 - 30:45.9)
what they are and everything in his time.
(30:46.0 - 30:50.5)
I'm super excited to see what you have next.
(30:50.6 - 31:38.4)
(Instrumental Music)
(31:38.4 - 31:39.8)
(Cartoon Tumbling Sound Effect)
(31:39.8 - 31:43.9)
Now it is time for the quote of the episode, and
(31:43.9 - 31:47.2)
I usually like to leave my guests to come up with
(31:47.2 - 31:51.5)
a quote that like pretty much embodies their lives you know or something that
(31:51.5 - 31:54.5)
they live by that they could pass on to other people.
(31:54.6 - 31:57.2)
The quote, or better, set the Bible verse.
(31:57.3 - 31:59.0)
One of my favorite Bible verses.
(31:59.1 - 32:00.4)
It's mark 923.
(32:00.5 - 32:03.3)
Believe in all things are possible because honestly, it's
(32:03.4 - 32:05.8)
without faith, it's impossible to please the Lord.
(32:05.8 - 32:08.5)
And if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you
(32:08.5 - 32:11.1)
will tell those mountains to move and they shall move.
(32:11.2 - 32:12.5)
And I've seen that in my life.
(32:12.5 - 32:15.1)
You know, there's been things that I don't understand, but I
(32:15.2 - 32:18.0)
hold on to my faith and the Lord has shown me.
(32:18.1 - 32:18.6)
You know what?
(32:18.7 - 32:21.1)
Be faithful to me and seek me first, then
(32:21.1 - 32:23.4)
my kingdom and everything else will be added on.
(32:23.5 - 32:25.2)
Yeah, I definitely agree with you.
(32:25.3 - 32:27.2)
And that's something I live by too.
(32:27.3 - 32:29.8)
So I am so grateful that you
(32:29.9 - 32:32.0)
came on and shared your story.
(32:32.1 - 32:33.7)
I know other people are gonna love
(32:33.8 - 32:35.9)
your story just as much as I do.
(32:36.0 - 32:37.7)
Thank you again for coming on.
(32:37.8 - 32:40.1)
Where can people you know see what you're
(32:40.2 - 32:41.9)
up to, see what you're doing?
(32:42.1 - 32:44.0)
You guys can definitely follow me
(32:44.0 - 32:46.1)
on my TikTok @all thingsJLS
(32:46.2 - 32:48.5)
You can also follow me on my Instagram @
(32:48.5 - 32:51.7)
all thingsJLS underscore, and I look forward to seeing
(32:51.7 - 32:54.4)
you all and being a blessing to your lives
(32:54.4 - 32:57.9)
and just inspiring you all with my daily activities.
(32:58.1 - 32:59.4)
Yes. Yes.
(32:59.4 - 33:01.2)
And on that note, if you have
(33:01.3 - 33:04.2)
any questions for me or Janine, you
(33:04.2 - 33:09.0)
can send them to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.
(33:09.2 - 33:09.6)
Again.
(33:09.7 - 33:13.4)
That is queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.
(33:13.6 - 33:15.3)
We also have an Instagram.
(33:15.4 - 33:17.1)
It's queens on a roll.
(33:17.2 - 33:19.4)
We have a YouTube, obviously.
(33:19.5 - 33:20.8)
Queens on a roll.
(33:20.9 - 33:23.1)
And as well, we are on TikTok.
(33:23.1 - 33:24.3)
So you might see a few
(33:24.4 - 33:26.3)
TikTok videos coming from me soon.
(33:26.4 - 33:29.0)
Thank you again, Janine, for coming on.
(33:29.0 - 33:31.4)
I really, really appreciate it.
(33:31.5 - 33:33.6)
Thank you so much for having me.
(33:33.7 - 33:34.8)
It was a pleasure.
(33:34.9 - 33:36.0)
I love you so much.
(33:36.1 - 33:39.4)
You have been such a blessing to my life. Aww Thank you.
(33:39.4 - 33:40.3)
Thank you, guys.
(33:40.3 - 33:42.8)
If you would like to donate to Queens On
(33:42.8 - 33:45.6)
A Roll Podcast, I have a patreon account.
(33:45.7 - 33:48.8)
There's four tiers up there for you to choose from.
(33:48.9 - 33:50.7)
I greatly appreciate it.
(33:50.7 - 33:52.2)
You guys have been amazing.
(33:52.4 - 33:54.0)
Thank you for the support.
(33:54.2 - 33:55.7)
Thank you for subscribing.
(33:55.8 - 33:57.1)
Thank you for sharing.
(33:57.2 - 33:59.8)
And we are rolling out. Bye, guys.
(33:59.9 - 34:01.2)
See you next week!
(34:01.2 - 34:47.8)
(Instrumental Music)
(34:47.8 - 34:56.1)
PLEASE go follow our insta @queensonaroll.podcast & FB Queens On A Roll & submit those questions to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com