S2 Episode 7: Not All Men Run Away From A Challenge

Description of Image: Black background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners

In this episode I interviewed a gentleman who chose to raise his twin daughters who have Cerebral Palsy. So Come Roll with us to hear how he faced this unique and interesting challenge!

Transcript

(Instrumental Music) You gotta Dstackz Beat

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Yeah, I gotta Dstackz beat.

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(Instrumental Music)

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Listen to the beat, y'all

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(Instrumental Music)

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Come on, Dstackz, bring it in.

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Heyyyyy, Heyyy, Heyy, Hey

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queens On A Roll, Woohoo Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Beautiful Queens, Queens, Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) We're moving, we're grooving, we're jamming we're slamming Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) We're moving, we're grooving, we're jamming we're slamming Queens, Queens, Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) She's educating and inspiring everyone that has challenges Queens, Queens, Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) She's educating and inspiring everyone and having fun.

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) She's Queens On A Roll.

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queens On A Roll OOO Who Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Beautiful Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Come Roll With Us, OO Who Come Roll with Us

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Come Roll With Us, OO Who Come Roll with Us

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queens On A Roll, Wooo Who Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) OOO Queens, Queens Queens (Bells Chiming)

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Hey everyone, and welcome back to

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Queens On A Roll podcast.

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This is Latavia here and I have

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a very special guest with me.

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He's a dear family friend of ours and I consider

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him to be like a second dad to me. Mr.

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Santos. Hi, Mr. Santos.

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How are you doing?

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Hi Latavia How you doing? I'm

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Pretty good, thank God.

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That's good. That's Good

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I'm so glad to have you on and I just wanted

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to bring you on to talk about you know how was it raising

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two twins who are ably different because both Janine and Janice have CP

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So are you ready to roll? Let's go.

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Alright Let's Roll!

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(Instrumental Music)

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So Mr. Santos, what was it like raising twins who are ably because both Janine and Janice

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do have CP and CP is cerebral palsy.

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So what was that like for you?

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Well, first of all, it was very challenging, I guess.

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I cannot say that I knew what

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I was getting in because I didn't.

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Being that the mother left them, I

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took on the responsibility of raising them

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without knowing exactly what I was doing.

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I have to be very sincere.

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But as time went along, it

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was like rolling back in school.

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I started learning how to deal with them.

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But in a point of a man's perspective,

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it's very difficult because normally moms take care

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of girls, mans take care of boys.

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And being that a mom wasn't there and I had

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to take on that roll, it was even more difficult because

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my attendance to them, I had to be in attendance.

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And normally a mother would take care or do

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for their daughters, you know for the girls, it was hard.

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I cannot say that there were not times that

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I kind of wanted to give up, but something, something

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in me didn't allow me to do that.

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First of all, I was Christian, man of faith,

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and I believe in Christ, and I believe in all

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that holiness, but in my human part, there were

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times that I was just stressed out you know because I

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was just living day by day with them.

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Not what tomorrow will bring.

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But God was so good that he gave me

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the strength to be able to uphold that challenge

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and to be able to raise both of them.

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Because there were different cases.

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You have Janice, Janice accordingly to medical

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forms and records and what not she was

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diagnosed as mental retarded. Latavia: Mhmm Mr. Santos: Janine

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In the other case, CP didn't really affect her brain wise

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to the extent it was more of a physical challenge.

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So there were kind of two different little cases there.

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But I pressed on.

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I kept the fate and they didn't

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show me how to raise girls.

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It wasn't like they came with a manual

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(Latavia Laughing)

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But my experience in life, you know dealing with childrens of

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other relationships kind of helped me out.

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Kind of gave me a pretty good

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start in how to deal with them.

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And the only thing about me, I was a perfectionist.

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I had to have their hair comb.

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They had to be dressed neat

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(Mr. Santos Laughing)

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Oh, yes.

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If you ask me how you did that, I say well, every time

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I will go to store by clothes, I will ask the

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girl they sell there, what do you think about this?

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What do you think about that?

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And I'll pick up ideas because I was lost.

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(Latavia Laughing)

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I was so damn lost. You know

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But I managed. I managed.

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God gave me the wisdom.

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And in the midst of my hardest ship, you know there were times

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at night that I will look at them laying down.

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And I was broken because I

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didn't know what I signed into.

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I thought I did, but I just

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knew I couldn't give them up. You know

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I was given up as a child when I was born, and

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another family raised me, so I had to break that curse.

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I couldn't allow that to happen in their life.

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So I took on the responsibility to take the challenge.

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And you did a great job.

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(Cheering Sound)

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Thank you.

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You're so welcome.

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And, you know, that was a good strategy

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to go around and ask all the ladies

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in the store, is this a good outfit?

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Is that a good outfit?

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So take notes.

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Men out there, take notes. Okay.

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That's how you do it.

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That is definitely how you do it.

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What challenges do you think you

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face with them going through school?

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Well, that was another thing.

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That was a whole other challenge you know, searching for schools.

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The thing was that when I got custody of them.

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They came from a place called Catholic

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Home Bureau in Manhattan and through God's goodness, social workers.

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They got me into school for them, and the first

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school that they got me into, going in and taking

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them and evaluate them, it was United Cerebral Palsy

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United Cerebral Palsy was a excellent school, not only

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for them, but for me, it was a challenging

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school which it challenged them as their physical condition.

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And for the first five years there, it was good.

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I was completely satisfied with the attendance

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of the girls, the education they were

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getting, the physical therapy they were getting,

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the occupational therapy they were getting. You know

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Besides the fact of me going into the

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school for parenting meetings, I was constantly there.

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I was like the only man between all those women. (Mr. Santos Laughing)

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Yeah, that's when they gave the

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classes that they had for parents. Exactly.

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We had to go there and meetings and

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talk about the challenges that we face.

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And they always use me as an example when these women walked in

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They didn't know what the heck to do yet.

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I had two of them, stroll them in

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different wheelchairs and what not, but I made it.

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Yeah, you definitely did make it.

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You definitely didn't make it.

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And Miss Beverly at the time, she's still there now,

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but she was great then, and she's still excellent now.

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I don't know what we would have done without Ms. Beverly.

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I remember Ms. Beverly.

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Very nice woman. You know

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And the staff, it was a great staff. You know

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Their two kids those kids and

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treating them like if they were they own.

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Yes, they did.

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They made it their business to prepare them.

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But when they leave that school, the challenges they

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were gonna challenge in life and they were

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gonna face there, they work with them such an

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amazing way that they got into preparing them

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Yeah, they did.

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People don't realize how

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important early intervention is.

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It is very, very important.

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That's what sets your child up on a good path and

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a good trajectory and has them have a better outcome.

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And I think that helped me along the way and it

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helped Janine and Janice get to where we are now. You know

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Okay, I agree.

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(Delayed Beat Sound Effect)

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How was it you know going through middle school and

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having to navigate middle school, elementary, high school?

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How was that?

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Well, I use the experience that I

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was able to pick up in UCP.

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And when they came out of there, to go

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to middle schools out here, it was a little

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challenging, but I don't know, for some reason, I

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was blessed with this grace that people always came

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along and they guided me through the system.

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When you come out of UCP or school,

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that everything is done there, to come out

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to a school out here, it could be challenging.

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The mentality is different.

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The workship is different.

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Going to school buses, but it was okay.

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I can't say that it went bad

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for me or anything like that.

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As a parent, dealing with them, it went good for me. You know

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And as time went by, I saw the

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rewards and they're changing and the activities to

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see Janine graduating Janice, you know it was rewarding.

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You know I didn't that I will make it that far. But I did.

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I have made it to that and more than that.

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And I'm still here because I still got

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Janice here and I still deal with Janice.

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But now the experience that I have now,

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totally different cuz she's an adult now.

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How was it helping through puberty and all the changes?

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Oh, God, that itself

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Oh, Lord,

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(Laughing Sound Effect)

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That was difficult.

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That was difficult because here you have a

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man dealing with girls and now going through

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puberty and oh, my God, right there.

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(Latavia Laughing) Mr. Santos: Its a hot mess right there

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I didn't know what the hell to do.

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(Latavia Laughing)

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I had home attendance that they helped me out and

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I was..I was able to face the challenge and I had

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to look at it for what it was. You know.

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I had to do what I had to do. Right. That was it.

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There was nothing to it.

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There was no backing up, no running, no

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going to sleep, no turning your face around.

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You gotta take care of business.

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You know what's so funny?

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My dad would have done that too.

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My dad, when he had to bathe me one

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time, he was like, okay, I'm not looking.

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I need to close my eyes.

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Tell me if I'm hitting your feet.

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I don't want to know.

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So you know that's a typical experience, I think.

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dads go through, like, no, not by baby girl. You know

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But I had to, I had to

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I took care of it, I took care of business you know

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of course with my expertise and my neatness and cleaning. You know

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I make sure they were bathe

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properly you know and they were clean properly. You know

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And they have their little powders

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and all their little girls stuff. You know Yeah.

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Yeah

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(Cartoon Stair Climbing Sound Effect)

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How is it now with them in adulthood?

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Well, I have home attendance now 24/7.

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They work with them when it comes to that.

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Or we work with them together, putting on a

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bathtub and bathing her and stuff like that.

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Sometimes I just let them.

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Sometimes I just take care of

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business you know what I'm saying?

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To me, it's something not out of the ordinary. You know.

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It's something that I'm used to already. Right.

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I know you worry about both girls, but do

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you worry about Janice more or Janine more?

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Well, Yeah I do worry about Janice more.

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Because Janice, everything has to be done for her.

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If something will happen to me.

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I don't know whats gonna be with her,

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but you know I prayed and my faith and the Lord

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has helped me to hear has guide me and uh he will

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guide me to the end, you know what I'm saying? Latavia: Mhmm

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(Cartoon Tumbing Down Sound Effect)

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How is parenting different now

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for Janice versus Janine?

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Cuz I know Janine is living on her own now.

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So you have to still guide her.

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But you don't have to be that

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hands on as you are with Janice.

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Do you find that dynamic difficult or easy?

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No, No, I don't find it different because

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I'm used to dealing with Janice you know

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I became such a professional dealing with

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these children under these conditions that nothing

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comsumes me, you know what I mean?

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Janine, well Janine you know she's living by herself and taking care of her business.

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I backed up from her quite a bit because

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she needed to learn, she needed to face challengings.

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And that's what had made her a strong girl and

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a strong mom, you know what I'm saying?

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But in a way, I'm still here.

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I'm not outta the picture, I'm just behind the curtains

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But I'm there, right?

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Thing goes on, I'll take care of business.

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Yeah, that's definitely what my mom says too. Like

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I'm stepping back cuz your grown now.

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But you know I'm still here to give you guidance.

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If you ever want guidance.

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But I have to let you make your

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own mistakes cuz you're grown now. That's right.

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You learn by challenging when life challenges you based

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on what you was taught, in the way they

(14:55.5 - 14:57.6)

brought you up and teach you, you know now.

(14:57.7 - 14:59.2)

It comes to a time that you have

(14:59.2 - 15:01.4)

to put what you learn into perspective.

(15:01.4 - 15:02.4)

You know what I mean?

(15:02.5 - 15:05.4)

And that's what makes you the girl that you are and

(15:05.4 - 15:07.5)

the young lady that you are and the woman that you

(15:07.5 - 15:10.7)

will become and you know you'll be able to face it.

(15:10.7 - 15:12.2)

There's something that at some point you

(15:12.3 - 15:15.2)

can handle, mom is there, you know I'm here. You know

(15:15.4 - 15:17.2)

People that encourages you,

(15:17.3 - 15:19.4)

that loves you, you know we here.

(15:19.5 - 15:23.2)

That's what parents does we step in and we step out you know

(15:23.3 - 15:25.5)

Give the best of our knowledge and we make sure that

(15:25.6 - 15:28.9)

you are helped and push to the limits that at

(15:28.9 - 15:30.4)

some point in time we won't be around.

(15:30.5 - 15:32.2)

You're able to handle it, right?

(15:32.4 - 15:33.6)

Definitely true.

(15:33.7 - 15:35.8)

But sometimes my mom would say, you don't have to

(15:35.8 - 15:38.9)

fall in the hole cuz I've been there, done it,

(15:39.1 - 15:41.3)

I've been there, done it, been around the block.

(15:41.3 - 15:42.6)

I know what its gonna turn out like

(15:42.6 - 15:44.5)

like you should just listen to me.

(15:44.6 - 15:45.7)

And I'll be like, Mom, I got

(15:45.7 - 15:47.5)

to make my own mistake, though.

(15:47.6 - 15:49.7)

Sometimes you do need to fall in the hole.

(15:49.8 - 15:51.3)

Yeah, if you wanna fall in the

(15:51.3 - 15:52.8)

hole, we let you fall in the hole.

(15:52.9 - 15:54.6)

cuz there's times that we tell you and

(15:54.6 - 15:57.4)

we speak and you know we try to educate them,

(15:57.4 - 15:59.5)

but sometimes yall challenging yourself.

(15:59.6 - 16:00.8)

Yall have your own mind. You know

(16:01.0 - 16:02.5)

You want to do your own thing,

(16:02.6 - 16:04.7)

and that has to be respected. You know

(16:04.8 - 16:07.1)

And even though we don't want you to fall in

(16:07.1 - 16:08.8)

the hole, but we let you fall in the hole

(16:08.8 - 16:10.7)

and then I let you crawl out of the hole.

(16:10.7 - 16:12.8)

If I see you can't crawl out of the hole then I'll come in

(16:12.8 - 16:14.6)

and I'll bring you out, but I will leave you there to

(16:14.6 - 16:17.9)

the max till you can't no more because that's gonna help you

(16:18.0 - 16:21.0)

by me being there and, okay, baby, I got you. Don't worry.

(16:21.1 - 16:22.1)

That's not gonna help you

(16:22.2 - 16:23.4)

I definitely agree.

(16:23.4 - 16:25.7)

And that's something you and mom have in common.

(16:25.8 - 16:26.8)

You knowThat tough love.

(16:26.9 - 16:28.1)

I gotta give you tough love

(16:28.2 - 16:30.5)

cuz the world out there is tougher.

(16:30.6 - 16:34.0)

So you know we gotta get you thick skin and be more

(16:34.0 - 16:37.1)

independent so you can handle anything that comes your way.

(16:37.3 - 16:40.0)

Is that the philosophy you use for your girls?

(16:40.2 - 16:42.8)

Well, you know we have to look at

(16:42.8 - 16:45.1)

the fact that everything has changed. Yeah

(16:45.2 - 16:47.1)

Times when I was growing up to the

(16:47.1 - 16:50.5)

times of my teenage, adults now dealing with

(16:50.5 - 16:52.5)

few things within the same tiny world.

(16:52.5 - 16:53.8)

But things have changed.

(16:53.8 - 16:56.0)

Life has become very challenging. You know

(16:56.1 - 16:59.1)

For example, we just went through a pandemia that it a

(16:59.1 - 17:01.4)

cost us a couple of years practically on lockdown,

(17:01.5 - 17:04.2)

things that we wouldn't prepare for, things that we

(17:04.2 - 17:05.7)

didn't thought we were gonna go through.

(17:05.8 - 17:08.0)

And if we did, at some point we didn't

(17:08.0 - 17:09.9)

know exactly how it was gonna go.

(17:10.0 - 17:14.9)

But you know technology has taken a course that even me as a guy

(17:15.0 - 17:18.5)

that comes from the streets, a guy with an open mind, you know a

(17:18.5 - 17:22.1)

guy that went to school, even at this age that I am,

(17:22.1 - 17:26.2)

at 58, life has become very, very challenging for me itself.

(17:26.3 - 17:28.0)

I have to ask Janine, Janine

(17:28.1 - 17:28.8)

how do you this?

(17:28.8 - 17:32.0)

Janine How do you do that sometimes I feel like dumb What the hell?

(17:32.0 - 17:35.8)

I should be teaching them, sometimes I feel like we are just following the time.

(17:35.9 - 17:39.1)

But y'all mind was set for this timing thats how come its

(17:39.2 - 17:43.5)

easier for yous to develop with technology than us.

(17:43.6 - 17:44.8)

Yeah, your definitely right.

(17:44.8 - 17:46.4)

cuz my mom over here would be like,

(17:46.4 - 17:48.0)

how do I send this text message?

(17:48.1 - 17:49.1)

How do I do this?

(17:49.1 - 17:50.0)

How do I do that?

(17:50.1 - 17:51.9)

I try to show her, but then I just feel

(17:51.9 - 17:54.3)

like, Mommy, give me I can do it faster. Give it to me.

(17:54.4 - 17:55.1)

Let me do it.

(17:55.1 - 17:57.2)

And she'll say, no, teach me.

(17:57.3 - 17:58.2)

Teach me how to do it.

(17:58.2 - 17:59.9)

I was like, I don't have time. It's just quicker.

(17:59.9 - 18:00.7)

Let me do it.

(18:00.7 - 18:03.2)

That's actually what they say when you try to

(18:03.2 - 18:04.5)

do something to say, here, I got it. I got it

(18:04.5 - 18:05.6)

Don't worry about it.

(18:05.6 - 18:06.7)

I'll take care of it. You know.

(18:06.8 - 18:08.1)

(Mr. Santos Laughing)

(18:08.1 - 18:08.9)

Definitely.

(18:09.0 - 18:12.8)

(Cartoon Twinkling Sound Effect)

(18:12.9 - 18:15.2)

You talk a little bit about the pandemic.

(18:15.2 - 18:19.0)

How did that change the whole dynamic for you, you know being a

(18:19.0 - 18:22.4)

single father, having to take care of Janice and then I

(18:22.5 - 18:25.8)

know like aides weren't really wanting to come out because it was

(18:25.8 - 18:28.2)

a pandemic no one wanted to catch COVID.

(18:28.2 - 18:29.7)

Was that a different experience?

(18:29.9 - 18:32.6)

It was very, very different and very difficult

(18:32.7 - 18:34.3)

because I took care of my girls.

(18:34.4 - 18:37.3)

Janine was living in another apartment that I had

(18:37.3 - 18:39.2)

gotten her and she was there with the baby

(18:39.3 - 18:40.4)

and I didn't let them come out.

(18:40.5 - 18:42.2)

I will literally go out and buy food.

(18:42.3 - 18:44.2)

I will go take it to her, to her door.

(18:44.3 - 18:46.4)

I will leave and I will pick the door

(18:46.4 - 18:48.6)

of the escalator to see when she picked it

(18:48.6 - 18:50.6)

up and took it in and made sure that

(18:50.6 - 18:53.4)

baby had things, made sure that she had groceries.

(18:53.5 - 18:54.2)

Oh, my god.

(18:54.2 - 18:56.4)

It was a back and forth kind of thing cuz then

(18:56.4 - 18:58.9)

I was taking care of him in my home and taking care of

(18:58.9 - 19:01.3)

Janice and I thank God that we made it through.

(19:01.4 - 19:02.1)

It was hard for me.

(19:02.1 - 19:03.3)

I was up and down, up

(19:03.3 - 19:05.0)

and down sometimes the elevator breaks

(19:05.1 - 19:08.7)

I had to go down flights, go buy things for her sometimes she say oh papi

(19:08.7 - 19:11.0)

I wanna get some pizza. Don't worry about it.

(19:11.0 - 19:11.7)

I go pick it up.

(19:11.8 - 19:13.2)

I went and I went and got it first.

(19:13.3 - 19:15.9)

That way the delivery guy come into the door

(19:16.0 - 19:18.6)

or anything like that, hadn't gotten her sick, expose her.

(19:18.6 - 19:19.5)

So it was hard.

(19:19.6 - 19:20.6)

It was hard for everybody.

(19:20.7 - 19:21.8)

Cuz We were locked down. You know

(19:22.0 - 19:23.9)

It also taught us a lot of

(19:24.0 - 19:25.2)

each others, you know what I'm saying?

(19:25.3 - 19:28.0)

And we grew more as family wise.

(19:28.1 - 19:29.6)

Yeah, we definitely did.

(19:29.7 - 19:32.1)

The importance of being bonded and take care of

(19:32.1 - 19:35.1)

each others, all this embracing thing, all that stuff

(19:35.1 - 19:37.3)

went away now and you see people embracing.

(19:37.3 - 19:39.0)

But you know we kept it together.

(19:39.1 - 19:40.3)

We kept it together. You know

(19:40.8 - 19:42.7)

That was the important thing that God saw

(19:42.8 - 19:44.9)

us through all these challenges and times.

(19:45.0 - 19:46.3)

Yeah, you're definitely right.

(19:46.3 - 19:48.9)

COVID did teach us to come together cuz most of

(19:49.0 - 19:52.4)

us were on our phones, TV, something and we

(19:52.4 - 19:55.1)

had to slow down and spend some time with our

(19:55.2 - 19:56.8)

loved ones cuz we couldn't go anywhere. Mr. Santos: Yupp

(19:56.9 - 20:00.8)

So it definitely taught us the importance of family again.

(20:00.8 - 20:50.3)

(Instrumental Music)

(20:50.4 - 20:53.4)

What is one of your fondest moments with

(20:53.4 - 20:56.0)

your daughters or just in life in general?

(20:56.2 - 20:58.4)

Fondest moments? Yes.

(20:58.5 - 21:00.1)

One of your memorable or fondest

(21:00.1 - 21:02.5)

moments.

(21:02.6 - 21:04.3)

(Story Time Sound Effect)

(21:04.3 - 21:06.0)

One of the moments I remember is that when

(21:06.1 - 21:09.0)

we went years ago went to world Disney and

(21:09.1 - 21:11.5)

we were out there for vacation and they will go

(21:11.6 - 21:15.6)

crazy with every cartoon character they saw.

(21:15.7 - 21:17.6)

I still carry all those pictures.

(21:17.8 - 21:20.0)

You know It was times that it was challenging for me cuz

(21:20.1 - 21:22.7)

I had to be moving around wheelchairs, but I also

(21:22.8 - 21:24.7)

had someone to go with me and help me out.

(21:24.7 - 21:28.8)

And the hotel room, we had a two bedroom in each room,

(21:28.9 - 21:31.2)

but we were able to go from one room to the other,

(21:31.2 - 21:34.1)

and we would just jump around and go to the pool.

(21:34.2 - 21:36.8)

And you know those memory times, you know what I'm

(21:36.8 - 21:38.5)

saying, that were funed times that

(21:38.5 - 21:40.6)

it won't come back once in a lifetime.

(21:40.6 - 21:42.5)

Remember those times and you have fun.

(21:42.6 - 21:43.6)

And they're not gonna

(21:43.6 - 21:45.3)

last forever cuz they grow.

(21:45.4 - 21:48.2)

And when they grow, you know things are different.

(21:48.2 - 21:49.2)

They're heavier.

(21:49.5 - 21:52.9)

Janine, well, you know she's in a world she's done a lot of things

(21:52.9 - 21:55.4)

for her, for her son as well, that I look at her

(21:55.4 - 21:58.1)

and I'm like, if anyone needs to be admired, its me.

(21:58.2 - 22:00.9)

Because for a little girl to go out there with her kid and go

(22:00.9 - 22:03.9)

to Walt Disney and do all the things, it takes courage. You know

(22:04.1 - 22:05.4)

And when she sets her mind

(22:05.5 - 22:08.8)

to do something, forget it, ain't no stopping her right? You know

(22:08.8 - 22:10.6)

So she's an amazing girl. And

(22:10.7 - 22:12.0)

They're memorable times.

(22:12.1 - 22:15.0)

That's the only thing that I will keep with me. Right.

(22:15.1 - 22:16.5)

And you're definitely right.

(22:16.5 - 22:19.2)

And you sound like a proud papa over there,

(22:19.3 - 22:22.0)

so I'm just smiling from ear to ear.

(22:22.1 - 22:23.2)

You're definitely right.

(22:23.2 - 22:26.2)

We do grow up and we become adults, and

(22:26.2 - 22:29.1)

we go off in our own little world. And you know

(22:29.1 - 22:31.4)

And my mom always says, you're only a kid

(22:31.4 - 22:34.1)

once, but you're an adult forever after that.

(22:34.1 - 22:35.6)

And I didn't really get that

(22:35.8 - 22:37.4)

up until I became an adult.

(22:37.5 - 22:40.2)

And I was like, oh, wait, now I know what she means.

(22:40.3 - 22:43.5)

You only have 18 years to be a kid after that.

(22:43.6 - 22:45.3)

Adulthood, here we come.

(22:45.4 - 22:48.7)

So, yeah, it definitely puts everything in perspective.

(22:48.8 - 22:51.2)

It definitely does put everything in perspective.

(22:51.4 - 22:53.9)

It changes everything once you're 18. You know

(22:54.3 - 22:56.3)

It changes us, too, because now we

(22:56.4 - 22:58.5)

have to adjust that, yall ladies.

(22:58.5 - 23:00.6)

And yall have your own mind and your own

(23:00.6 - 23:03.8)

decisions that you wanna make, and we no,

(23:03.8 - 23:05.1)

but you can't do this like that.

(23:05.2 - 23:09.1)

And we have to respect that, you know what I'm saying?

(23:09.1 - 23:11.1)

And it's hard for us because we

(23:11.1 - 23:13.1)

don't know how to let go, right?

(23:13.5 - 23:15.8)

And we want to let go, but we don't know how to go.

(23:15.9 - 23:17.9)

So we say, okay, okay all right, you

(23:17.9 - 23:20.0)

could do it, but don't forget this.

(23:20.0 - 23:21.9)

But think about this.

(23:21.9 - 23:23.7)

(Mr. Santos Laughing)

(23:23.7 - 23:27.7)

Yeah, that's still that father you know instinct in you.

(23:27.8 - 23:29.3)

And also caregiver, right?

(23:29.3 - 23:31.9)

Because you've been a caregiver for so long, a father

(23:32.0 - 23:34.6)

for so long, it's hard to break that dynamic.

(23:34.7 - 23:36.2)

So I definitely understand.

(23:36.6 - 23:39.7)

Yeah, well, Janine's a college graduate, too.

(23:39.8 - 23:41.6)

How was it navigating that

(23:41.6 - 23:43.1)

and helping her through that?

(23:43.2 - 23:46.4)

Well, actually, she practically did that on her own.

(23:46.6 - 23:47.6)

OOO That's good.

(23:47.6 - 23:50.0)

You know College is not like college.

(23:50.0 - 23:52.1)

When I was growing up, school is not like school,

(23:52.1 - 23:54.7)

like when I was going up, all the dynamic system

(23:54.8 - 23:58.2)

of school change and she pretty much did by herself.

(23:58.3 - 24:00.9)

Yeah, but if it wasn't for you instilling all

(24:01.0 - 24:04.2)

of that in her, that independence, that motivation, that get

(24:04.2 - 24:06.7)

up and go, she wouldn't be where she is today.

(24:06.8 - 24:08.8)

So I give my hat off to you.

(24:08.9 - 24:11.8)

You did a good job. Aww, Thank you, Thank you.

(24:11.9 - 24:15.3)

You're welcome. You're welcome.

(24:15.4 - 24:28.5)

(Cheering Sound Effect)

(24:28.5 - 24:32.0)

Any advice, something that you could tell parents in the

(24:32.0 - 24:35.6)

same situation as you, any advice for any other single

(24:35.6 - 24:39.0)

fathers out there you would like to give? Well, the father

(24:39.2 - 24:41.0)

Man, they gotta man up. You know

(24:41.2 - 24:43.9)

They grew up certain ways, but there's a time that

(24:44.0 - 24:46.2)

we gotta man up and we have to understand

(24:46.3 - 24:48.3)

that if you don't take care of your business, nobody's

(24:48.4 - 24:49.6)

gonna take care of it for you.

(24:49.6 - 24:53.3)

No man should be taking that place which should belongs to

(24:53.3 - 24:57.1)

you, because at some point, sometimes you are going to

(24:57.2 - 25:01.6)

meet your creator, what excuse you gonna have you know

(25:01.7 - 25:05.2)

you man up, be a man and take care of business.

(25:05.2 - 25:09.5)

Womans Well you know womans depends on mans, on mans that they bare a

(25:09.6 - 25:11.6)

child with and they believe they're going to

(25:11.6 - 25:13.9)

be there, but sometimes it's not like that.

(25:14.0 - 25:15.7)

So they got a woman up and

(25:15.7 - 25:17.1)

they gotta take the challenge.

(25:17.2 - 25:18.4)

But it's okay. You know

(25:18.8 - 25:20.4)

It's a hard road, but it's okay

(25:20.4 - 25:22.1)

because it makes us better parents.

(25:22.1 - 25:24.6)

It makes us stronger and makes us smarter.

(25:24.8 - 25:26.2)

It makes us visionaries.

(25:26.3 - 25:30.0)

And if you need help, that's just fine. You know. You get help.

(25:30.0 - 25:31.7)

There's nothing wrong by getting help.

(25:31.8 - 25:33.7)

There's nothing wrong with talking to someone

(25:33.7 - 25:36.3)

else and letting out how you feel.

(25:36.4 - 25:37.6)

It's just fine.

(25:37.8 - 25:39.2)

Theres still plenty of help, theres

(25:39.5 - 25:42.6)

social workers there, medicaid coordinators.

(25:42.7 - 25:43.5)

Theres many help.

(25:43.6 - 25:45.3)

New York City is one of the number

(25:45.3 - 25:47.6)

one states where you can get help.

(25:47.7 - 25:48.9)

If you don't make it in New

(25:48.9 - 25:50.1)

York, you don't make it nowhere.

(25:50.1 - 25:51.3)

Like Frank Sinatra said

(25:51.4 - 25:52.3)

That's a fact.

(25:52.4 - 25:54.5)

Definitely true. All right.

(25:54.5 - 25:56.7)

I definitely can't compete with any of that.

(25:56.8 - 26:01.1)

You just dropped some gems on us and some great wisdom.

(26:01.2 - 26:04.7)

(Gems Were Just Dropped Sound Effect)

(26:04.8 - 26:53.1)

(Instrumental Music)

(26:53.1 - 26:57.2)

So I like to end my shows with a quote of the episode.

(26:57.3 - 27:00.4)

So do you have like, a quote that you like to live by?

(27:00.5 - 27:01.9)

My quote is biblical.

(27:01.9 - 27:04.8)

My quote is Philippians 4 13.

(27:04.9 - 27:07.1)

I don't have an English Bible here, but it says

(27:07.1 - 27:09.6)

that I could do all things through God that strengths me

(27:09.8 - 27:11.6)

And that's a fact. You know what I'm saying?

(27:11.7 - 27:13.6)

I mean, you could do what you could do.

(27:13.7 - 27:16.1)

You might have your belief, but without God

(27:16.1 - 27:18.6)

that wouldn't have been impossible. Definitely.

(27:18.7 - 27:20.1)

He opened the door.

(27:20.2 - 27:21.3)

He made the way.

(27:21.4 - 27:23.8)

He gave me the strength, he gave me the

(27:23.8 - 27:26.4)

courage you know to make it to where I'm at.

(27:26.4 - 27:29.2)

And he still has me by the hand. That's right.

(27:29.3 - 27:31.0)

Keep the faith, stay strong.

(27:31.1 - 27:34.1)

Anything is possible for who believes.

(27:34.2 - 27:35.9)

Okay, I can't compete with that.

(27:36.0 - 27:37.3)

I cannot compete with that.

(27:37.4 - 27:38.8)

You are definitely right.

(27:38.9 - 27:42.2)

And before we go, I would just like to say

(27:42.3 - 27:46.4)

this interview was conducted via Zoom between myself and Mr.

(27:46.4 - 27:47.3)

Santos.

(27:47.4 - 27:49.6)

So if you're saying to yourself, this is not the

(27:49.6 - 27:53.2)

audio quality I'm used to, that is the reason why.

(27:53.3 - 27:56.9)

Again, thank you guys so much. Thank you, Mr.

(27:57.0 - 27:58.8)

Santos, for coming on.

(27:59.0 - 28:01.2)

Thank you, everyone, for listening.

(28:01.3 - 28:02.4)

You guys are great.

(28:02.5 - 28:05.5)

Please continue to keep subscribing.

(28:05.7 - 28:08.5)

Subscribe to my YouTube channel, subscribe to

(28:08.6 - 28:12.6)

my Instagram, subscribe to my Facebook.

(28:12.8 - 28:15.7)

And please, guys, if you can donate anything

(28:15.7 - 28:17.7)

to Queens On A Roll on my patreon

(28:17.8 - 28:20.3)

account, I would greatly appreciate it.

(28:20.4 - 28:21.8)

You guys are awesome.

(28:22.0 - 28:23.1)

I love you.

(28:23.2 - 28:24.8)

See you next week. Mr.

(28:24.9 - 28:28.4)

Santos, again, thank you for coming on. Thank you.

(28:28.5 - 28:30.1)

And we are rolling out.

(28:30.1 - 29:18.6)

(Instrumental Music)

(29:18.6 - 29:22.0)

PLEASE go follow our insta @queensonaroll.podcast & FB Queens On A Roll & submit those questions to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com