S2 Episode 11: The Challenges of Being A Single Mother with CP

Description of Image: Black background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners.

In this episode I sit down and discuss with Janine what it is like being a single mom with Cerebral Palsy Spastic Diplegia. So Come Roll with Us! 

Transcript

(Instrumental Music) You gotta Dstackz Beat

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(Instrumental Music) Yeah, I gotta Dstackz beat.

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music) Listen to the beat y'all

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music) Come on, Dstackz, bring it in.

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Heyyyyy, Heyyy, Heyy, Hey

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(Instrumental Music)

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queens On A Roll, Woohoo Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Beautiful Queens, Queens, Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) We're moving, we're grooving, we're jamming we're slamming Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) We're moving, we're grooving, we're jamming we're slamming Queens, Queens, Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) She's educating and inspiring everyone that has challenges Queens, Queens, Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) She's educating and inspiring everyone and having fun she's Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queens On A Roll OOO Who Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queens On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Beautiful Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Come Roll With Us, OO Who Come Roll with Us

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Come Roll With Us, Woohoo Come Roll with Us!

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queen On A Roll, Wooo Who Queen On A Roll

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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Ooo Queens, Queens, Queens & Bells Chiming

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Hey Everyone! and Welcome back to Queens On A Roll Podcast

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This is Latavia here, and I have my

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lovely, awesome sis, Janine here with me today.

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Hey, Janine.

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Hey Tay, how you doing today? I'm good.

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How are you?

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I'm good.

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So today I brought you on the show so that you can

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talk about what it's like living with CP and being a mom.

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Are you ready? Yes I am!

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Alright let's roll!

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(Instrumental Music)

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So Janine what is it like living with CP and being a mom?

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Well, being a mom and living with

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CP has its ups and its downs.

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My son loves to ride on my chair,

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especially when we go out and do Uber.

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It's convenient for me because I can

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get to places with him quickly.

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But in the downside of it, being a disabled mom

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to an ablebodied child, there are times when he has

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his moments, as all kids do, and has his tantrums.

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And when those moments occur

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It puts me in a situation where I

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have to either let his tantrum live out.

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And then when he finally comes down

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and I'm able to get to him.

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Then have a talk with him and try to

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make him understand that Mommy has CP and there

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are things that are difficult for me.

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And then there are times when I can't calm him

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down at all and I have to sort out help.

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It's interesting, the dynamic, and that's why

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I really wanted to talk about it.

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What was it like when you were pregnant?

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Girl, the first couple of months was awesome because I'm

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very small and I had a very small belly.

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But towards the end, I couldn't stand it

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because I am 4'11 and I'm very short.

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And I think by the time he flipped, he was hitting

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my diaphragm and my hips, and I couldn't take it no more.

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I wanted him out.

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Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

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Did it take a toll because you have cerebral palsy,

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diplegia did it take a toll on your body? You know

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You're able to get up and you're able to move around.

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So did that take a toll on you?

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Yes, it really did take a toll on me, because

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having CP and having diplegia, your body is used to

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being stiff and your body is used to being tight.

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When you get pregnant, everything loosens up

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to adjust your body to the baby.

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So my bones and everything

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was crackling left and right.

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I could not sleep.

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I was in so much pain that if

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you even touched me, I would cry.

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I couldn't sleep at all.

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Oh, my goodness.

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See, that's what I'm nervous about.

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Like, being pregnant and having a baby.

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I can't imagine it right now. So

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That's why I'm so, so nervous about it.

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But how was you know delivery and the whole birth experience?

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Well, delivery and the birth experience, I say

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it was normal for the most part.

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A couple of weeks before I gave birth to

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my son, I actually had a doctor's appointment.

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And the nurse looked at me because she needed me to

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uplift the bottom half of my pelvic to do an exam.

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And she said, no, no, no you need to have a C section.

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And I just looked at her.

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I stood quiet, because I rebuked her in the name of Jesus.

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And the day of my delivery, uh

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she was actually in the room.

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So a little backtrack, the day before

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I went into labor, I went out and

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I had some Chinese food cuz I had a little craving.

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So I satisfied my craving, and I went home.

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I started having stomach pain, but

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I didn't think anything of it.

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I thought it was just a regular

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stomach ache, and I went to sleep.

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But I was eating a lot of pineapple for the

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past couple of weeks because I was sick and tired

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of being pregnant, and I wanted him out.

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And pineapple has an enzyme that

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helps you go into labor.

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So the next day, I woke up and

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I started having contractions, and I'm like, okay.

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And by the time I got to

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the hospital, I was seven centimeters dilated

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(Gasping Sound Effect)

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Now, in the delivery room, my body was already adjusted

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to sitting down the whole nine months of pregnancy.

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So my son was coming down normally, but the nurses wanted

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to force me into laying back down in the bed.

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I got so frustrated.

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At one point, I told one of the nurses off,

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and I told him, leave my bed alone because my

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body's already adjusted to sitting, so he's going to come

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out in that position, because my body's adjusted to this

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position already and obviously got to the point where when

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you're going to give birth, it feels like you need

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to go to the bathroom.

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And I could not stop pushing, so I did

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get a numbing block, because, as you know, having

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CP, when you're in extreme pain, you go into

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muscle spasms and your legs will lock. Mhmm

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So I took the numbing block because I knew that

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if my legs locked, they were going to Csection me.

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And plus, they were very pro

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wanting to Csection me anyway.

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So I took the numbing block, and when I

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took the numbing block, my legs went kaplab

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So I was like, okay, good.

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But then I couldn't stop pushing because I was already

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at that point where I really needed to push.

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And they kept telling me, don't push, because if

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you keep pushing, we're gonna Csection you.

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And they kept on and they kept on until I

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got so frustrated, but I was like, you know what?

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Just give me an epidural not because of the pain.

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The pain was horrible

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I was actually doing college work while giving labor.

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So I got the Csection, and then my son was born,

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I think, if I'm not mistaken, at 12:08 AM

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Yeah, that's the thing that I was scared about,

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because you know we take muscle relaxers to relax our body.

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So I was like, would the epidural like really relax you

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too much where you can't control anything during birth?

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I wasn't sure.

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So you actually answered some questions for me.

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Why were you scared about having the C section?

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Because I knew having a C section and having a

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new baby, it was gonna be very difficult to

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attend to the baby as well as healing from that

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Csection, especially in the condition that I am in.

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So I didn't wanna have to be in a

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predicament where it was gonna be a struggle.

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And my dad's a tough cookie, so you know he helps me out

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a lot, but he also let me be a mom, and

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there were a lot of people praying for me.

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So I'm very glad that the Lord kept

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me from that and I didn't have to

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be put through that extra unnecessary pain. Mhmm

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What was infancy like you know when he

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was a couple of months old?

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What was that like? It was very hard.

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I went through a very, very,

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very deep postpartum depression.

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And this is something that a lot

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of people don't like to talk about.

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But when I gave birth to

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my son, I disassociated completely.

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Obviously, I kept it to myself.

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I didn't let the doctor

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see, but I completely disassociated.

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It took me a very long time to attach myself to my son.

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A lot of people you know think that giving birth, oh, right away

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I was attached to my baby, and there are people that

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are like that, but for me it wasn't like that.

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So I went through a very deep depression.

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My father helped me out a lot, but it was a

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lot of crying and it was a lot of feeling lonely.

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You know Even though I was in my

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father's house, I was with Janice.

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It was just us three.

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He was the one helping me put diapers

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and changing him and dressing him, being a

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dad all over again, cuz he's a dad. You know

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So I'm very grateful.

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But he also let me do it a lot on my own.

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And I breastfeed.

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I breastfeed completely. No formula.

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So I was so skinny and

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so dehydrated and so sleep deprived

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I actually had a doula, and for the first couple of weeks

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she would come by, and one day she came by, and I

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was so sleep deprived that she was talking to me.

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And I was hysterically laughing at any

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little thing she was saying to me.

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She was like, if you don't go to

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sleep right now, so she took the baby.

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And I went and I took a nap, which

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I really did need it but it was very hard.

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My dad really did put me through

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what us Puerto Ricans call la cuarentena I did not go out for those full 40 days

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unless it was to take the baby out to the doctor.

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My dad taught me in his own way, cuz

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he's a father, but he taught me in his

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own way what a mother goes through. So

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Yeah, that sounds kind of similar to my mom

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(Story Time Sound Effect)

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because back in high school, right,

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we had these mechanical babies, and they were like,

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oh, you know, you should you know take them with you,

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get the full mom experience.

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So my friends and I like, Dummies.

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We were like, okay, we don't

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wanna leave them in school.

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We wanna take them home.

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So we decided that all of us were gonna take them

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home, and we were gonna have a good old time.

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And I don't know what they did, but

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all of our mechanical babies were in sync.

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So we were, like, calling each other at two, three,

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four in the morning, like, did your baby cry?

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My baby cried

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I'm so exhausted.

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And my mom, she treated it as

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if it was her own grandchild.

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She said, Wake up, wake up.

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Your baby's crying.

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I'm like, I know, Mommy. I know.

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Stick the key in it.

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Just stick the key in it and go back to sleep, please.

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I'm tired.

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I've been up every half hour.

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Give me a break.

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She's like, nope, you wanted to bring this baby home?

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This baby is your responsibility, so wake it

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on up and feed your baby or change its diaper, whatever you have to do.

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And I'm like, no, Mommy, please just take the key.

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I didn't get enough sleep.

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So she's like, uh nun that's your baby.

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You're gonna have to take care of it.

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And when I tell you, when I woke

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up the next morning, I was exhausted.

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I think that was the best experience for

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me and the best birth control ever, because

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after that experience, I didn't want a baby.

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I was like, that's it.

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I'm not having children. That's a rap.

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When I tell you I was rolling around in my wheelchair

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in school with the baby in my lap and everything falling

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asleep, because we didn't get any sleep that night.

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It was ridiculous.

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I said, okay, this was the best birth

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control ever because I don't want a baby

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now, so I can only sympathize with you.

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I can definitely sympathize cuz

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that experience was hell.

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I'm not even gonna front, so I commend you.

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You're, like, the best mom today, so I commend you

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for that because that's a lot of hard work.

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(Cheering Sound Effect)

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(Instrumental Music)

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What was the toddler stage like?

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Even though he's a toddler now, what was that like?

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You know, once he started walking and moving

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around, when he first started walking and moving

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around, I thought it was so cute.

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I remember when you know he was first born, and I would play

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with him, and I would say, I can't wait till hes older

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and he starts talking.

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At first, it was very cute until he went into

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the stage of he wants to destroy my house.

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He showed signs very young that he

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was gonna be a tough cookie.

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Thing was, since he was so

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small, you would laugh it off

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Now I'm just like, he needs Jesus, Latavia (laughing) oh, my goodness.

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Oh, no.

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Is it like past the terrible two stage now?

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I know, like, during the terrible twos,

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they're always saying, no, no, no.

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Girl, It's been the terrible twos, the terrible threes.

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And if people say terrible fours don't

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exist, they liars because it exist.

(14:51.4 - 14:54.1)

Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness.

(14:54.2 - 14:56.2)

I guess it's difficult, too, because you

(14:56.2 - 14:59.3)

have a son, so its that mom son dynamic. You know

(14:59.4 - 15:01.3)

So I guess that's what makes it difficult.

(15:01.4 - 15:05.0)

How do you, like, really handle you know and you being in

(15:05.0 - 15:07.9)

the chair, how do you handle those timeout moments?

(15:08.1 - 15:11.4)

Honestly, being a disabled mom, for me personally, and being

(15:11.5 - 15:15.1)

a single disabled mother, cuz I'm a complete single disabled

(15:15.2 - 15:17.2)

mom, the father is not in the picture.

(15:17.2 - 15:18.3)

He's a complete ghost.

(15:18.4 - 15:19.5)

There is no timeout.

(15:19.6 - 15:21.9)

I try very hard to discipline him.

(15:21.9 - 15:23.9)

I try very hard to teach him timeout.

(15:24.0 - 15:26.7)

But that little boy is a little Tommy pickles.

(15:26.8 - 15:28.6)

He has a mind of his own. You know

(15:28.7 - 15:31.3)

So I'm working with him the best way I can.

(15:31.4 - 15:34.0)

The school that he's in, they're also helping

(15:34.0 - 15:35.7)

me in the best way they can.

(15:35.8 - 15:39.3)

And you know as a mother and as a daughter who has been

(15:39.4 - 15:41.6)

raised in the ways of the Lord, all I can do

(15:41.6 - 15:44.6)

is pray you know and leave things in the hands of God.

(15:44.7 - 15:47.4)

And little by little, as he gets older and he

(15:47.4 - 15:50.2)

gets to understand a little bit more, work with him,

(15:50.3 - 15:54.6)

work with him and understanding him and you know not letting my

(15:54.7 - 15:58.0)

past traumas pass on to him and just teaching him

(15:58.1 - 16:01.1)

different ways on how to control and better his emotions,

(16:01.1 - 16:03.0)

I think that's an excellent idea.

(16:03.2 - 16:07.2)

I'm always afraid that you know if I have a son or a

(16:07.2 - 16:11.0)

daughter, when it's timeout moments, they'll try to take my chair

(16:11.0 - 16:13.1)

and put it on push so they don't have to listen.

(16:13.2 - 16:14.2)

Does he do that?

(16:14.3 - 16:15.6)

He doesn't do it, intentionally

(16:15.7 - 16:16.9)

cuz he doesn't really know yet.

(16:17.0 - 16:19.1)

The other day he went and did something.

(16:19.1 - 16:22.1)

I don't remember exactly what it was, but he accidentally

(16:22.2 - 16:24.8)

took the break off, and then I got mad cuz

(16:24.8 - 16:28.1)

I couldn't move, so I'm like, put my chair back

(16:28.1 - 16:30.2)

and he came and he did it. So he listens.

(16:30.2 - 16:32.3)

He has his moments, you know but when he

(16:32.3 - 16:35.0)

has the bad moments, unfortunately they're bad. You know

(16:35.2 - 16:36.4)

And it's been hard.

(16:36.4 - 16:39.3)

There's been a lot of tears shed. Its... It's been hard.

(16:39.3 - 16:41.1)

I can definitely understand that.

(16:41.2 - 16:43.2)

Does he understand, like, my mommy

(16:43.2 - 16:45.1)

is different from everyone else's mommy?

(16:45.1 - 16:46.2)

Does he get it yet?

(16:46.3 - 16:47.8)

I think in a way he does.

(16:47.9 - 16:51.3)

I do tell him constantly that mommy is different.

(16:51.3 - 16:52.9)

And I pointed out to him a

(16:52.9 - 16:55.3)

lot because he does notice other children.

(16:55.4 - 16:57.1)

And for some reason now he's at

(16:57.1 - 16:59.0)

a stage where he's noticing color. Mhmm

(16:59.1 - 17:02.7)

And I always try to remind him everybody is equal,

(17:02.8 - 17:05.3)

does not matter the color or the way people look.

(17:05.4 - 17:08.0)

And speaking of that, I remember one time there

(17:08.0 - 17:10.2)

was a little girl and may God rest her soul

(17:10.3 - 17:13.1)

She had the sick, I forgot what it's called, but

(17:13.1 - 17:16.0)

it's that disease where you get old before time.

(17:16.1 - 17:18.1)

Oh, yeah, I think I know what you're

(17:18.1 - 17:20.0)

talking about, but I can't remember the name.

(17:20.0 - 17:22.7)

So he noticed that little girl because when she passed

(17:22.7 - 17:24.6)

away and I saw it come up on social

(17:24.7 - 17:27.3)

media, he got very, very scared of her.

(17:27.3 - 17:29.1)

And that shook me a little bit.

(17:29.1 - 17:31.7)

And I brought him close to me and I gave him a

(17:31.7 - 17:34.6)

hug and I told him, papi she's a beautiful little girl.

(17:34.7 - 17:35.6)

She's just different.

(17:35.7 - 17:37.8)

He's like, no, Mommy, please take the picture down.

(17:37.9 - 17:39.5)

I'm like, no, I want you to look

(17:39.5 - 17:41.1)

at her and I want you to understand

(17:41.2 - 17:43.5)

that although she's different, she's still beautiful.

(17:43.6 - 17:45.0)

And then he looked at her and

(17:45.0 - 17:47.2)

she's like, she's beautiful, and said, yes.

(17:47.2 - 17:52.4)

Awww It's great that he's learning that there's differences, but

(17:52.4 - 17:55.2)

even though there's differences, people are still who they

(17:55.3 - 17:56.7)

are and you should love them all.

(17:56.8 - 17:58.6)

So I'm grateful for that.

(17:58.7 - 18:00.9)

I was always worried about that, so maybe I

(18:00.9 - 18:02.4)

don't need to be so worried about it.

(18:02.4 - 18:04.6)

But the discipline part I know I'm worried about.

(18:04.7 - 18:05.0)

I don't know.

(18:05.0 - 18:06.8)

That's why I have my reservations about

(18:06.8 - 18:09.0)

having children, cuz I just don't know.

(18:09.0 - 18:10.1)

I don't know.

(18:10.2 - 18:13.6)

Did your body change at all? Besides the stretch marks

(18:13.7 - 18:14.5)

I would say no.

(18:14.5 - 18:17.4)

Thankfully, I made sure I ate very, very healthy.

(18:17.5 - 18:19.1)

I honestly lost my appetite.

(18:19.2 - 18:21.0)

It was very rare that I caught a craving.

(18:21.0 - 18:23.7)

The most cravings that I did have while pregnant

(18:23.8 - 18:26.4)

were eating pickles with butter Pecan ice cream,

(18:26.5 - 18:30.0)

pizza, and um maybe once or twice some Chinese food.

(18:30.0 - 18:32.7)

But I completely lost my appetite.

(18:32.7 - 18:33.9)

I ate a lot of food.

(18:34.0 - 18:35.8)

I drank a lot of coconut water.

(18:35.9 - 18:38.1)

I'm naturally about maybe the most I would

(18:38.2 - 18:40.2)

go up to is 95 or 110.

(18:40.4 - 18:42.1)

I went up to 120 exactly.

(18:42.2 - 18:43.7)

And I made sure that I stood there.

(18:43.7 - 18:44.9)

Because it's a myth when they

(18:44.9 - 18:46.2)

say you're eating for two.

(18:46.2 - 18:48.4)

No, whatever you eat, the baby eats.

(18:48.4 - 18:50.5)

So I was not trying to over gain weight cuz

(18:50.6 - 18:52.7)

then it would have been hard to lose it. Yeah.

(18:52.7 - 18:54.6)

And I assume it would have been hard to

(18:54.6 - 18:57.3)

move around as well with CP and everything. So

(18:57.5 - 18:59.3)

Was that your weirdest craving?

(18:59.4 - 19:00.7)

What was your weirdest craving?

(19:00.8 - 19:02.6)

It was just the, the pickles.

(19:02.7 - 19:04.6)

Yeah, l would say it was the pickles.

(19:04.6 - 19:07.5)

And my dad is a big fan of butter pecan ice cream.

(19:07.6 - 19:11.7)

And I'm a complete daddy's girl, so (Janine Laughing) my

(19:11.7 - 19:14.4)

dad introduced me to butter pecans so young.

(19:14.5 - 19:16.3)

So if it was not butter pecan

(19:16.4 - 19:17.9)

ice cream with a pickle.

(19:17.9 - 19:19.1)

I was not having it.

(19:19.2 - 19:20.9)

Oh, how did that taste?

(19:21.1 - 19:23.2)

Honestly, it tasted very good.

(19:23.3 - 19:25.1)

I would imagine it's, like, sweet

(19:25.1 - 19:28.5)

and sour yeah it was, with a nut taste. Latavia (disgusting sound)

(19:28.6 - 19:32.1)

It was like a savory mix with sweet, and

(19:32.1 - 19:33.5)

it's like, when you think about it, you might

(19:33.5 - 19:38.1)

say ill, but the flavors complemented themselves quite nicely.

(19:38.1 - 19:38.4)

Okay.

(19:38.5 - 19:39.4)

I think that's what you

(19:39.5 - 19:40.9)

thought because you were pregnant.

(19:40.9 - 19:42.5)

I don't think so. Okay.

(19:42.6 - 19:47.2)

I'm just saying, (Latavia laughing) my taste buds is not craving

(19:47.3 - 19:50.5)

for some pickle or peanut butter ice cream. It is not.

(19:50.6 - 19:52.2)

So I think you were just craving

(19:52.3 - 19:54.8)

that in the moment, you know all the hormones.

(19:54.8 - 19:56.0)

So I'm gonna just give you that one.

(19:56.0 - 19:58.1)

I'm gonna give you that correction, girl.

(19:58.1 - 19:59.5)

Butter pecan ice cream.

(19:59.5 - 20:01.5)

Let's get it correct. Oh, I'm sorry.

(20:01.5 - 20:03.4)

Butter pecan ice cream.

(20:03.4 - 20:04.7)

I'm very sorry, but I still

(20:04.7 - 20:06.1)

don't think it goes with pickles.

(20:06.2 - 20:09.3)

I don't care that sweet and savory tastes,

(20:09.7 - 20:11.4)

because then it has nuts in it.

(20:11.5 - 20:15.3)

So it's sweet, it's savory, and then nutty. No. Okay.

(20:15.4 - 20:16.9)

No, that's too much.

(20:16.9 - 20:18.4)

That's too, too much.

(20:18.4 - 21:08.0)

(Instrumental Music)

(21:08.0 - 21:10.5)

(Delayed Beat Sound Effect)

(21:10.5 - 21:12.5)

what are you doing now?

(21:12.6 - 21:15.1)

You know, being a mom and raising your son

(21:15.2 - 21:17.4)

What are you doing for Janine now?

(21:17.5 - 21:18.7)

Well, let's be honest.

(21:18.8 - 21:21.5)

When you become a mom, although they say selfcare

(21:21.6 - 21:23.8)

is very important, a lot of the times that

(21:23.9 - 21:25.8)

does go out the window, because when you become

(21:25.9 - 21:27.7)

a mom, you're no longer living for you.

(21:27.8 - 21:29.5)

You're living for your children. You know

(21:29.5 - 21:31.8)

And that's one thing that I've had to

(21:31.8 - 21:33.6)

learn, that I still have goals, I still

(21:33.6 - 21:36.2)

have ambitions, and I still have dreams. Yes, I do.

(21:36.2 - 21:39.1)

That I plan to fulfill those dreams. Yes, I do.

(21:39.1 - 21:41.9)

But my son comes first, and I've had to learn that.

(21:41.9 - 21:44.0)

I've had to put, for now, a lot of those dreams

(21:44.1 - 21:47.8)

on hold and understand that I have a responsibility now.

(21:47.8 - 21:51.9)

So when God says it's my time, then it will be my time.

(21:52.0 - 21:55.6)

But in the meantime, I just try to enjoy him you know for now.

(21:55.7 - 21:56.6)

We do Uber.

(21:56.8 - 21:58.1)

We do uber eats.

(21:58.2 - 22:00.0)

What is that like? Yeah.

(22:00.0 - 22:02.1)

So me and him go out in my

(22:02.2 - 22:04.6)

wheelchair, and we go do Uber eats.

(22:04.7 - 22:06.7)

And I teach him at his little age

(22:06.8 - 22:08.8)

of four years old, how to make money.

(22:08.9 - 22:09.7)

cuz, you know what?

(22:09.7 - 22:12.8)

It's important to learn the value of money, and it's

(22:12.8 - 22:15.2)

important to teach him that at a very young age.

(22:15.3 - 22:17.1)

Of course, I wouldn't want him to be

(22:17.2 - 22:20.9)

a fanatic, because no, but he enjoys it.

(22:20.9 - 22:23.4)

We get to go outside, we get to meet new

(22:23.4 - 22:27.2)

people, and whatever extra tips I get, I let him

(22:27.2 - 22:29.6)

keep it, and I tell him, Save it for you.

(22:29.6 - 22:30.4)

Because you know what?

(22:30.4 - 22:32.6)

Regardless of the fact he might be sitting there and going

(22:32.6 - 22:35.6)

for a ride, but he's helping me yea. because he holds the

(22:35.6 - 22:37.7)

bag or he wants to give it to the customer.

(22:37.8 - 22:40.6)

So I teach him, and we have a lot of fun doing it.

(22:40.6 - 22:41.3)

That's great.

(22:41.3 - 22:42.6)

That is definitely great.

(22:42.7 - 22:45.3)

And I think that's good, its teaching him at an early

(22:45.4 - 22:47.9)

age to be helpful to anybody that needs help.

(22:47.9 - 22:49.3)

So I think it's a great idea,

(22:49.4 - 22:50.9)

and that's a great thing to do.

(22:51.0 - 22:53.9)

What do you want to do in the future you know

(22:54.1 - 22:56.4)

once your son gets a little bit older?

(22:56.5 - 22:58.6)

cuz I know you talked about sacrificing.

(22:58.7 - 23:00.2)

Was sacrificing hard?

(23:00.2 - 23:02.0)

Because you had him young, and I know when

(23:02.0 - 23:03.9)

you have them young, it's like, okay, now I

(23:03.9 - 23:06.1)

have to give up everything to help him.

(23:06.2 - 23:08.1)

Was that a hard transition?

(23:08.2 - 23:09.8)

It was a hard transition.

(23:09.9 - 23:11.6)

I've always been a homegirl.

(23:11.6 - 23:14.0)

I've always been a girl, that my life was either

(23:14.1 - 23:16.7)

at school, or the mall, or with my doggy.

(23:16.7 - 23:18.2)

I am a big dog lover (Janine laughing)

(23:18.4 - 23:19.5)

That was my life.

(23:19.6 - 23:23.2)

So Janine was always and is always very predictable.

(23:23.3 - 23:25.8)

Maybe not now so much because you know I

(23:25.8 - 23:27.2)

have a kid and things happen.

(23:27.3 - 23:28.7)

But you know that was my life.

(23:28.8 - 23:30.9)

Traveling, like I said, going to school, going to

(23:30.9 - 23:32.8)

the mall, going shopping, and being with my dog.

(23:32.9 - 23:35.5)

So once I have my son, that completely changed.

(23:35.5 - 23:37.9)

I could no longer sit here and say, well, I have $60.

(23:37.9 - 23:38.9)

I have $50.

(23:39.0 - 23:42.0)

Let me go to Victoria's Secret and blow all the money.

(23:42.1 - 23:43.5)

I can't do that anymore. You know

(23:43.6 - 23:47.3)

So little, little pleasures like that, I do miss. You know

(23:47.4 - 23:49.6)

And every now and then, if I get blessed

(23:49.7 - 23:52.3)

with the opportunity and now I know now I've

(23:52.3 - 23:55.3)

taught myself, don't buy anything unless it's on sale. (Latavia Chuckling)

(23:55.4 - 23:57.9)

So if every now and then I get

(23:57.9 - 23:59.7)

blessed with the opportunity to at least buy

(23:59.8 - 24:01.9)

myself a little something, I enjoy that.

(24:01.9 - 24:03.7)

I call it now a little guilty pleasure.

(24:03.8 - 24:05.9)

I enjoy it because once you become

(24:06.0 - 24:07.6)

a parent, it's no longer about you.

(24:07.7 - 24:09.3)

You have to make sure that their needs are met.

(24:09.4 - 24:11.3)

And once their needs are met, then

(24:11.4 - 24:13.0)

if you have a little something for

(24:13.0 - 24:15.0)

yourself, then take care of your business.

(24:15.1 - 24:18.5)

See, I'm learning a lot about myself in this episode because I like

(24:18.5 - 24:21.3)

to get up and go and do what I like to do.

(24:21.5 - 24:23.0)

So that's why I kind of

(24:23.0 - 24:25.3)

held off on, on having children, too.

(24:25.3 - 24:28.1)

I like to get up, go and go and come as a please

(24:28.1 - 24:30.0)

And I know that once I have a child,

(24:30.0 - 24:32.7)

that's all gonna like stop to a certain degree.

(24:32.8 - 24:34.7)

So that's why I say, I commend you, cuz

(24:34.8 - 24:37.1)

I don't think right now at this point in

(24:37.1 - 24:39.5)

my life, I could sacrifice that much.

(24:39.6 - 24:41.2)

I'm a little too selfish still.

(24:41.3 - 24:43.1)

Yeah, it is a lot of sacrifice.

(24:43.2 - 24:45.5)

Before I had my son, I was doing a lot of modeling.

(24:45.6 - 24:47.3)

I was competing in pageants.

(24:47.5 - 24:49.5)

And I'll never forget the day that

(24:49.5 - 24:50.9)

I told my dad I was pregnant.

(24:51.0 - 24:52.6)

I broke that poor man's heart.

(24:52.7 - 24:55.2)

It was on Thanksgiving, and he knew something was

(24:55.2 - 24:57.7)

wrong because every Thanksgiving, I won't eat for the

(24:57.8 - 25:00.3)

whole day to save room for the night time,

(25:00.4 - 25:01.9)

to stuff my face with food.

(25:01.9 - 25:04.2)

And that day, I was so sad.

(25:04.3 - 25:06.5)

And I took maybe a few spoons, and I went to my room.

(25:06.6 - 25:09.3)

So I come to the room, and I lock myself in the room.

(25:09.3 - 25:11.6)

And he comes into the room. I never forget.

(25:11.6 - 25:13.5)

He sits down on my computer chair, which

(25:13.6 - 25:15.2)

was a very hard chair to sit on.

(25:15.2 - 25:17.1)

So he sits down on the chair, and he

(25:17.1 - 25:18.7)

looks at me and he says, mommy was wrong.

(25:18.7 - 25:19.9)

I'm like nothing, Papi

(25:19.9 - 25:22.4)

And then he broke me when he started saying, talk

(25:22.4 - 25:24.0)

to me, cuz it's gonnna come a point in

(25:24.1 - 25:25.9)

time where you're gonna wanna talk to me,

(25:25.9 - 25:27.7)

and I'm not gonna be around anymore.

(25:27.9 - 25:29.4)

So I started balling my eyes

(25:29.5 - 25:31.0)

out cuz I am very sensitive.

(25:31.0 - 25:33.6)

And I just told him you know, Papi, I'm so sorry. You know

(25:33.7 - 25:36.2)

And all I said was, Papi please don't kick me out.

(25:36.2 - 25:38.1)

cuz that was the first thing that came to my brain.

(25:38.2 - 25:39.2)

And he just looked at me.

(25:39.2 - 25:40.4)

He said, Janine, are you pregnant?

(25:40.5 - 25:41.4)

And I just started crying.

(25:41.4 - 25:42.6)

And I just kept saying, I'm sorry.

(25:42.7 - 25:44.2)

And he put his head down, and all

(25:44.2 - 25:45.8)

he said was, Janine, but look at everything

(25:45.9 - 25:48.5)

you're doing, all you're modeling, all your pageantry.

(25:48.6 - 25:49.7)

And it hurt. You know.

(25:49.8 - 25:53.0)

It hurt me that I knew in that moment I hurt him.

(25:53.1 - 25:56.9)

Because as a parent, we have dreams for our children. Mhmm

(25:57.0 - 26:00.4)

So when us as children, we put those dreams

(26:00.4 - 26:03.5)

on hold because of bad decisions that we made.

(26:03.6 - 26:05.5)

We hurt our parents in the process.

(26:05.6 - 26:07.9)

And it took a while for my father to come around.

(26:08.0 - 26:09.5)

It took a very long time.

(26:09.6 - 26:11.7)

But I gave him his space, even though it was

(26:11.7 - 26:14.1)

hard because I lived in the same household with him. You know

(26:14.2 - 26:16.2)

And as a daughter, and this is something

(26:16.2 - 26:17.6)

a lot of people don't talk about.

(26:17.6 - 26:19.0)

In my own way, I did feel

(26:19.0 - 26:21.5)

ashamed because I knew I hurt him.

(26:21.6 - 26:24.0)

And I tried my best with my clothes

(26:24.1 - 26:26.0)

to hide my stomach as it grew.

(26:26.1 - 26:27.3)

And I gave him his space

(26:27.4 - 26:30.5)

And you know the only thing I could think of one day was when

(26:30.5 - 26:33.3)

I went to find out what the sex of the baby was.

(26:33.5 - 26:36.4)

I went to a 3D sonogram place, and they gave

(26:36.4 - 26:39.0)

me a little teddy bear with his heartbeat and everything.

(26:39.1 - 26:41.0)

So I went up to him you know because I had to

(26:41.0 - 26:43.2)

figure out a way to get my dad to come around. You know

(26:43.3 - 26:45.8)

And I went up to him and I gave him the elephant.

(26:45.8 - 26:46.6)

It was an elephant.

(26:46.6 - 26:48.9)

And I said, hey, papi pressed this. He pressed it.

(26:48.9 - 26:50.1)

I'm like, what do you think that is?

(26:50.1 - 26:51.8)

He said a washing machine.

(26:52.0 - 26:53.5)

And I started laughing.

(26:53.5 - 26:55.0)

I'm like, no, press it again.

(26:55.1 - 26:57.8)

A car, i'm like, no, that's the baby's heartbeat.

(26:57.8 - 26:59.8)

And right when I said that, I passed him

(26:59.8 - 27:02.0)

the 3D pictures, and I said, It's a boy.

(27:02.1 - 27:04.6)

He's like, that's what the baby looks like.

(27:04.8 - 27:05.6)

I'm like, yeah.

(27:05.7 - 27:07.4)

And that was the first time ever

(27:07.5 - 27:09.7)

he saw a sonogram of my son.

(27:09.7 - 27:11.4)

And at that time, I think I was about five

(27:11.5 - 27:14.4)

months pregnant, and from that moment on, he came around.

(27:14.4 - 27:15.9)

Yeah, I think you're right.

(27:16.0 - 27:17.8)

Parents, they want more for us, right?

(27:17.8 - 27:20.4)

I remember my mom always saying, like, I don't want you

(27:20.4 - 27:23.4)

to get pregnant at 17 cuz I got pregnant at 17.

(27:23.5 - 27:24.9)

So here's what we gotta do.

(27:25.0 - 27:27.3)

You hold on to your virginity, and

(27:27.3 - 27:29.6)

I'll get you a sweet 16 party. You know

(27:29.8 - 27:33.5)

So you're right, like parents do want more for their kids.

(27:33.5 - 27:35.8)

But I think it's also important for you to remember

(27:35.9 - 27:38.5)

that we have to live our own lives too, right?

(27:38.5 - 27:42.1)

And your son was brought here for a reason, right?

(27:42.1 - 27:45.0)

So your dad may feel like it was the wrong timing.

(27:45.0 - 27:47.1)

You may feel like it was the wrong timing.

(27:47.1 - 27:49.5)

God said, listen, I want him in the world.

(27:49.5 - 27:51.6)

This is the time that I want him to come in.

(27:51.7 - 27:54.1)

So even though I empathize with that feeling

(27:54.1 - 27:56.8)

and I sympathize with it, understand that everybody

(27:56.9 - 27:58.8)

has a different life path to take.

(27:58.9 - 28:01.4)

And your life path is different from my life path.

(28:01.5 - 28:03.0)

My life path is different. You know.

(28:03.1 - 28:05.2)

So he was meant to be brought

(28:05.3 - 28:06.8)

here, and it was for a reason.

(28:06.9 - 28:08.4)

You may not know what that reason is.

(28:08.5 - 28:09.8)

You'll find out later.

(28:09.8 - 28:13.4)

Everything happens, bumps and lumps along the road.

(28:13.5 - 28:15.5)

But you made it out, and you're a

(28:15.5 - 28:18.8)

phenomenal woman now, and you're doing great things.

(28:18.8 - 28:20.7)

Now you went back to school.

(28:20.9 - 28:23.3)

Talk about that a little bit. Yes, I did.

(28:23.4 - 28:24.7)

I went back to school.

(28:24.8 - 28:26.9)

I finished my associate's degree.

(28:27.0 - 28:28.5)

I started out for my bachelor's.

(28:28.5 - 28:31.2)

I actually have um one semester left.

(28:31.3 - 28:35.9)

Yay!, Yes, I um need to re enroll in school, and that is

(28:35.9 - 28:39.1)

something that I am definitely planning on doing in January.

(28:39.2 - 28:41.5)

And just pausing on that for 1 second

(28:41.5 - 28:44.7)

and going back to what you said. Yes. You know.

(28:44.7 - 28:46.9)

My father actually, when they looked at me and

(28:47.0 - 28:49.3)

he said, Janine, you don't understand this now, but

(28:49.4 - 28:50.9)

that little boy was meant for you.

(28:50.9 - 28:52.6)

He wasn't meant for anybody else.

(28:52.6 - 28:53.8)

He was meant for you. You know

(28:53.9 - 28:55.2)

And they're best friends now.

(28:55.2 - 28:56.2)

That's his little papi

(28:56.2 - 28:58.0)

Don't mess with him. You know

(28:58.0 - 28:59.6)

So it's true what you say.

(28:59.6 - 29:01.3)

Everything does happen for a reason.

(29:01.4 - 29:04.4)

And because of that little boy, I am stronger.

(29:04.5 - 29:07.5)

I'm able to tolerate things now that before my

(29:07.5 - 29:10.1)

son, I would not have been able to tolerate.

(29:10.1 - 29:12.4)

And the Lord has put me through the fire.

(29:12.5 - 29:15.1)

But that's okay, because once I get out of

(29:15.1 - 29:17.1)

that, I'm gonna be so much stronger, and

(29:17.1 - 29:19.5)

he will perfect what he started in me.

(29:19.6 - 29:21.1)

I definitely agree with you.

(29:21.2 - 29:22.4)

I definitely agree.

(29:22.5 - 30:11.9)

(Instrumental Music)

(30:12.0 - 30:15.2)

(Cartoon Stair Climbing Sound Effect)

(30:15.2 - 30:18.0)

Besides going back to school, you are

(30:18.1 - 30:19.5)

doing a little bit of modeling.

(30:19.6 - 30:21.7)

So talk about that a bit. Yes.

(30:21.8 - 30:24.9)

I actually got signed on to an agency.

(30:25.0 - 30:29.5)

I actually did my first photo shoot for uh Party City.

(30:29.7 - 30:31.2)

Um So that was very exciting.

(30:31.3 - 30:33.6)

I had never experienced anything like that.

(30:33.6 - 30:34.9)

Congratulations!

(30:35.0 - 30:36.5)

Thank you so much.

(30:36.7 - 30:40.4)

And you know, I know better things are yet to come. You know

(30:40.5 - 30:41.6)

I don't know what.

(30:41.6 - 30:43.7)

God's plans are for me, but he knows

(30:43.7 - 30:45.9)

what they are and everything in his time.

(30:46.0 - 30:50.5)

I'm super excited to see what you have next.

(30:50.6 - 31:38.4)

(Instrumental Music)

(31:38.4 - 31:39.8)

(Cartoon Tumbling Sound Effect)

(31:39.8 - 31:43.9)

Now it is time for the quote of the episode, and

(31:43.9 - 31:47.2)

I usually like to leave my guests to come up with

(31:47.2 - 31:51.5)

a quote that like pretty much embodies their lives you know or something that

(31:51.5 - 31:54.5)

they live by that they could pass on to other people.

(31:54.6 - 31:57.2)

The quote, or better, set the Bible verse.

(31:57.3 - 31:59.0)

One of my favorite Bible verses.

(31:59.1 - 32:00.4)

It's mark 923.

(32:00.5 - 32:03.3)

Believe in all things are possible because honestly, it's

(32:03.4 - 32:05.8)

without faith, it's impossible to please the Lord.

(32:05.8 - 32:08.5)

And if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you

(32:08.5 - 32:11.1)

will tell those mountains to move and they shall move.

(32:11.2 - 32:12.5)

And I've seen that in my life.

(32:12.5 - 32:15.1)

You know, there's been things that I don't understand, but I

(32:15.2 - 32:18.0)

hold on to my faith and the Lord has shown me.

(32:18.1 - 32:18.6)

You know what?

(32:18.7 - 32:21.1)

Be faithful to me and seek me first, then

(32:21.1 - 32:23.4)

my kingdom and everything else will be added on.

(32:23.5 - 32:25.2)

Yeah, I definitely agree with you.

(32:25.3 - 32:27.2)

And that's something I live by too.

(32:27.3 - 32:29.8)

So I am so grateful that you

(32:29.9 - 32:32.0)

came on and shared your story.

(32:32.1 - 32:33.7)

I know other people are gonna love

(32:33.8 - 32:35.9)

your story just as much as I do.

(32:36.0 - 32:37.7)

Thank you again for coming on.

(32:37.8 - 32:40.1)

Where can people you know see what you're

(32:40.2 - 32:41.9)

up to, see what you're doing?

(32:42.1 - 32:44.0)

You guys can definitely follow me

(32:44.0 - 32:46.1)

on my TikTok @all thingsJLS

(32:46.2 - 32:48.5)

You can also follow me on my Instagram @

(32:48.5 - 32:51.7)

all thingsJLS underscore, and I look forward to seeing

(32:51.7 - 32:54.4)

you all and being a blessing to your lives

(32:54.4 - 32:57.9)

and just inspiring you all with my daily activities.

(32:58.1 - 32:59.4)

Yes. Yes.

(32:59.4 - 33:01.2)

And on that note, if you have

(33:01.3 - 33:04.2)

any questions for me or Janine, you

(33:04.2 - 33:09.0)

can send them to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.

(33:09.2 - 33:09.6)

Again.

(33:09.7 - 33:13.4)

That is queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com.

(33:13.6 - 33:15.3)

We also have an Instagram.

(33:15.4 - 33:17.1)

It's queens on a roll.

(33:17.2 - 33:19.4)

We have a YouTube, obviously.

(33:19.5 - 33:20.8)

Queens on a roll.

(33:20.9 - 33:23.1)

And as well, we are on TikTok.

(33:23.1 - 33:24.3)

So you might see a few

(33:24.4 - 33:26.3)

TikTok videos coming from me soon.

(33:26.4 - 33:29.0)

Thank you again, Janine, for coming on.

(33:29.0 - 33:31.4)

I really, really appreciate it.

(33:31.5 - 33:33.6)

Thank you so much for having me.

(33:33.7 - 33:34.8)

It was a pleasure.

(33:34.9 - 33:36.0)

I love you so much.

(33:36.1 - 33:39.4)

You have been such a blessing to my life. Aww Thank you.

(33:39.4 - 33:40.3)

Thank you, guys.

(33:40.3 - 33:42.8)

If you would like to donate to Queens On

(33:42.8 - 33:45.6)

A Roll Podcast, I have a patreon account.

(33:45.7 - 33:48.8)

There's four tiers up there for you to choose from.

(33:48.9 - 33:50.7)

I greatly appreciate it.

(33:50.7 - 33:52.2)

You guys have been amazing.

(33:52.4 - 33:54.0)

Thank you for the support.

(33:54.2 - 33:55.7)

Thank you for subscribing.

(33:55.8 - 33:57.1)

Thank you for sharing.

(33:57.2 - 33:59.8)

And we are rolling out. Bye, guys.

(33:59.9 - 34:01.2)

See you next week!

(34:01.2 - 34:47.8)

(Instrumental Music)

(34:47.8 - 34:56.1)

PLEASE go follow our insta @queensonaroll.podcast & FB Queens On A Roll & submit those questions to queensonaroll.podcast@gmail.com