Queens On A Roll
Queens On A Roll
S3 Episode 5: Never Be Ashame
Description of Image: Black background On the left is an African American female with a white off the shoulder shirt in a wheelchair. Then Queens On A Roll in Gray Letters with a purple outline with a crown on the Q. The word Roll looks like a wheelchair and the word podcast in Gray Letters with a purple outline in all four corners
In this episode I get very vulnerable when I explain why I have been on a long hiatus, but not only am I doing that I also encouraging you to never be ashame and speak your truth! So Come Roll with Us!
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(Instrumental Music) Listen to the beat y'all
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queens On A Roll, Woohoo Queens On A Roll
(Instrumental Music) Powerful Queen On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music) She's educating and inspiring everyone that has challenges Queens, Queens On A Roll.
(Instrumental Music) She's educating and inspiring everyone and having fun she's Queens On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Powerful Queens On A Roll
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(Instrumental Music & Singing) Wooo Queen On A Roll, Wooo Who Queen On A Roll
(Instrumental Music & Singing) Ooo Queens, Queens, Queens & Bells Chiming
Hey Everyone! and Welcome back
to Queens On A Roll podcast.
This is Latavia here, and I have my
lovely friend Luis here with me today. Hey, Luis!
Hey, guys! Glad to be back.
We're glad to have you back!
How are you doing?
Doing pretty good. How are you?
I'm doing great!
So before we get into today's episode.....
(Its Time For Roll Call Sound Effect)
I would like to thank Shontae Usman for
her donation to Queens On A Roll podcast.
Thank you so much for supporting me.
I know I have been on a long hiatus, and
you still have continued to support me, so I just
want to say thank you so, so, so very much.
You are awesome!
(Cheering Sound Effect)
Alright so we decided to flip the script today,
and Luis is going to interview me.
(What?? Sound Effect)
Yes, that's right.
You heard me right.
Luis will be interviewing me for today's episode.
This should be very interesting.
I can't wait. Let's see.
All right, Luis, you ready to roll? I'm ready.
All right, let's roll.
(Instrumental Music)
So the question on everybody's mind is, why haven't there
been any new episodes of Queens On A Roll?
There hasn't been any new episodes
because I have been in counseling. Really? Yes.
And how's that been going?
It's been going great, actually.
Why did you feel you needed counseling?
So its.. (Story Time Sound Effect)
So back in 2020 all the way up till January
of this year, I have experienced a lot of loss.
It started with my Grandpa on my dad's side,
and shortly after him, I lost a very good
friend of mine that I had known since preschool.
Then in January of 2021, I lost
my Grandma on my mom's side.
Then a few months after my grandmother, I
lost another close friend of mine unexpectedly.
Then a Few months after her, I lost another close
friend who I have known since preschool as well.
Then shortly after that, my Aunt
on my Dad's side passed away.
Then my Godmother passed away in 2022, and
my mom's baby brother, my uncle, passed away. Then Mr.
Santos, who Was a guest on the podcast and like a
second father to me, passed away in January of this year.
So I felt like my village was disappearing.
But I chose to deal with the grief by diving deeper
into my work, and I thought that was helping me cope.
It wasn't until my mom said to me,
I think you need to go into counseling.
You're a little snappy, moody, and you don't want
to do the things that you love to do.
And I'm used to seeing you up and vibrant and you know just
outgoing, and even your aunt notices a difference in you.
It wasn't until then that I decided to
say, like, okay, I'll go back into counseling.
I'll do it again. Right.
So before you actually take on
counseling sessions, they give you a
consultation, and the consultation's free.
So I did the consultation, and I
was about five minutes into the consultation,
and I just started crying uncontrollably.
When I tell you uncontrollably, I mean uncontrollably.
Like, it was really, really bad.
And so that's when I realized, like,
no, I really do need therapy.
I need to work through all this grief.
The way that I was coping isn't really helping me
cope, and I do need to go back to therapy.
So then from that moment on, I started therapy.
(Delayed Beat Sound Effect)
So, yeah, that's uh enough to make anybody spiral.
And you felt like the counseling was helping?
Yes, it definitely was, and still is,
because I'm still going through therapy. Luis: mhmm
But when I started it, for me, it was about getting
over the grief and finding a way to move forward.
Because when I tell you, I was in such a
space where I felt like I'm in this hole, and
the hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger,
and every time I try to dig myself out, I
can't I keep falling back in the hole.
That was the space that I was in. Luis: Mhmm
But as I began to go through the sessions and
my therapist began to peel back the layers, she was
like, you know it's also about loss, that these loss have impacted
you to where you now want to live your life.
And I felt like that like you know life is so short now.
I just want to live my life because
you never know when the time comes.
And so, yes, it was about that initially, Luis: mhmm but it's
also about you know having a disability and being cognitively okay and
still having goals that you wannna reach, but because
you have the disability, you have to go around it
and do it a bit differently and do things differently,
which can be extremely frustrating. Luis: mhmm
(Stair Climbing Sound Effect)
This is another revelation that I had
in therapy when I was younger.
I coped with having a disability by you know if I
can achieve great things, then society won't look at
me as another person in a wheelchair who isn't
gonna be a productive member of society.
So I kept achieving and kept achieving and
kept achieving and reached these new heights.
But society still looks at me sometimes as like,
you can't be a productive member of society, right.
So the little girl in me was like, man, if I do
all these things, then people will see me as an equal as
I got to be older, I'm like, that's not true. You know
I'm still doing all these great things, and I'm
great in my profession, but still people still view
me as someone who can't be a productive member
of society because I'm in a wheelchair.
So then I began to realize that that's why I
worked so hard to be where I am today, right,
so that I could get rid of those misconceptions.
That was my way of coping, but
now it's not working for me anymore.
So it then evolved into finding another coping mechanism
for, like, when days get rough of being in
a wheelchair, because we all have those days.
How do I go with the motion and go with
the flow of it being a rough day right.
And not internalize it as
there's something wrong with me?
So that's where therapy has left me.
It's left me with understanding that it's a
combination of a lot of different things.
So I'm beginning to peel back those layers
and work through the issues that I'm having. Yeah.
I think most people don't understand the
impact that therapy can have on someone. Yeah.
Which brings me back to my original point of the
mind and body always being in competition with each other.
So your mind is that of an able body person. Right.
And you set up this timetable for yourself and you
say, okay, I'm gonna achieve this at this time.
But because of your physical limitations,
you might not meet that timetable.
And like I said, that can be extremely frustrating.
Your mind and your body is
always competing with each other.
But when I brought that up to my therapist, she
was like, okay, what does independence mean to you?
And that was very eye opening for me, because
then I realized independence for me was making sure
that able bodied people viewed me as a productive
member of society, that I was able to do
everything on my own and not need any help. Right.
But she said to me, is that truly independence?
Because everyone needs someone to help them.
So you may need to
redefine your definition of independence.
I don't know, Luis.
Have you ever felt like that? I have.
I mean, I know what you mean.
Society has this whole perception of we can't do a lot
of things that able bodied people can do, and then you
have this weight on your shoulders that you want to prove
them wrong, so yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Yeah, it is a huge weight.
Not to mention I'm African American,
I'm female and I'm disabled.
So for me, there's always been this amount of pressure
to be the best that you can be, because if
you don't show your best and you fail and you
trip up, people are always gonna think, oh, you
couldn't be a productive member of society.
So it's a huge, huge weight that I carried
around, and I didn't even know I was
carrying it around until I started therapy.
And you know just being in therapy, it's opening
my eyes up to a lot.
And I also think it also has
to do with just turning 30.
I mean, you begin to look at life differently. Yeah
You plan to have your life all in order by the
time you're 30, and then you wanna have like time to
go on vacation and sightsee different countries and everything.
But in reality, you feel like you haven't gotten
to where you think you should have been.
And when I see my able body peers and
they're reaching their goals, it gets frustrating because it's
like, yeah, I wanna do that. Makes sense.
And I never think our able body peers
will understand that aspect of our lives. No.
And then when people say you've overcome, there's still obstacles that
I go through on a daily it is my life.
It's like I've overcome that hurdle,
but there's more hurdles to go. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah
When it comes to us, there'll always be like steps that
we wanna take, but we have to get there
in different ways that most people have gotten there.
Yeah,
(Cartoon Twinkle Sound Effect)
That's how it is for me in the female perspective
but how is it for you in the male perspective?
Technically, I don't think it really
has to do with genders.
I mean, we're both pretty much in the same boat.
We have a lot of peers that are able bodied.
We see them moving up in life and doing things
that by now we thought we would be doing.
But it's taking us a lot
longer to get to that destination.
So we just need to keep fighting and fighting.
Yeah, that's true.
Like even though it's not a gender thing.
But I've always wondered like if it is tougher for
men because you know that whole societal men are
like the providers of the house and the protectors.
So like how do you feel about it?
Yeah, yeah from that perspective, it could definitely
be tough, but you have to find
ways to get around that mindset. Yeah.
Does it ever get exhausting for you? Oh, yeah. Yeah
Like you said, it's a big weight
on our shoulders, but can't give up.
That's pretty much how I think of it.
And that's how I've thought about it. Right.
Like, just keep pushing.
But I think I was at a point of
exhaustion and so counseling was really, really good for me.
I think the one thing that I've learned is like
my therapist always says like, you're gonna face adversity.
Right.
In the meantime of you facing adversity,
you have to feed your soul. Luis: Mhmm
So in the sense of you still have to
do things that are going to make you happy,
you have to go out and enjoy yourself. Luis: Mhmm
So that's why I took a bit of a break from the
podcast, because I was just trying to get back to me and
find that joy again, which I now have found the joy.
I'm still doing therapy.
It's an ongoing process for me but I'm
now getting back to that joyful space.
Yeah, I commend you for still going through to therapy.
I mean, I think most people should go
to therapy cause they could let out their you know
frustrations and see where that's coming from.
But yeah, you definitely deserve all
the joy in your life.
Aww Thank you so much, Luis.
I really appreciate that.
(Cartoon Bongos Sound Effect)
So since you haven't been doing the podcast,
what kind of things have you been doing?
So I've been going out to concerts cause,
again, it's all about feeding my soul. Luis: Mhmmm
So I've been going out to concerts, comedy shows.
Those are the things that I love to do.
I've been doing a lot of reading.
I love reading.
I love, love, love building Lego models, but so even
though I haven't been doing episodes right.
I've also been doing a little bit of
advocacy on the side, so presentations for people
about living as a person with disability or
stigmas that may be attached to it.
And I've also created a video, I wanna say,
about two weeks ago to fight for the braces and
orthotics industry, because where I go to get my braces
done, my leg braces, JK Prosthetics and Orthotics, so they
have closed their doors, and now it's leaving me wondering
where I'm going to get my braces done.
Because I've been going there for 30 years
to get braces, and without these braces, it's
hard for me to stand and walk.
And the only reason why they're not open is because
the Medicaid HMOs are paying them 1985 rates for braces.
So that doesn't even cover like the full cost of braces.
So that's why they're struggling.
The industry as a whole is struggling. What do you mean?
Like 1985 rates?
Like $19.85? No.
So Medicaid has a pay rate scale and
they're only paying them rates from 1985. Oh, wow. Yes.
And it's not straight medicaid. It's the medicaid. HMOs.
So they're actually losing money. Right.
They're on the losing end.
Like I said, the thing that frustrates me the
most is that there is a bill in Congress
that can stop this, called the Medicaid Parity Bill.
So to see a place that I've known for
years close their doors when there's something that can
be done, it just hurts me to my heart.
And I made a video imploring people to call their
congressmen and women and tell them to pass the Medicaid
Parity Bill because that's what will keep the doors open.
That's what will keep this service alive.
There's no reason why we should always
be put on the back burner.
So this bill, what would exactly do if they do pass it?
So if they pass the Medicaid Parity
Bill, they'll get fully reimbursed for braces
and orthotics from the Medicaid HMOs
So no more 1985 rates? No more.
So it seems like a no brainer
that this bill should be passed. Yeah, it does.
But once again, it always feels like we're forgotten.
Yeah.
So that's what I've been doing in my
spare time, but I did miss you guys.
So I am back.
I'm in a good space to record,
so episodes will be coming out.
I decided that this was an episode that I wanted
to do because I also kind of wanted to raise
awareness and get rid of the stigma of seeking counseling.
Right.
Everybody always says, like, oh, if
you're going to counseling, you're crazy.
No, it helps tremendously.
It definitely does.
I can see how it's helped you.
Yeah, counseling is good.
And one thing I would say is
check on your friends,
(Instrumental Music)
So now it is time for the quote of the episode.
Luis, you want to take it away? Sure.
So a quote I found which really resonates with
this episode is, those seeking therapy are not weak.
It takes emotional strength to
open up about your struggles.
Yeah, that definitely goes back to what I was saying.
Just because you decided to go to
counseling doesn't make you a weak person.
It actually makes you stronger because you recognize that you
have a problem and you're trying to fix it.
Yeah, it's definitely a strength if you're you know able to
open up about your struggles and not bottle them
up and let them torment your life.
Yeah, definitely.
So I encourage everyone, please do
not be afraid to seek help.
On that note, guys, this is the end of the episode.
Thank you so, so much for listening.
I appreciate you all.
If you would like to donate to Queens On
A Roll podcast, I have a patreon account.
There's four tiers up there for you to choose from.
You can follow me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and
all the streaming platforms where you can get podcasts.
Again, thank you so, so much for listening.
I greatly appreciate it!
Again, Luis, thank you so much! Of course.
It's been a pleasure being here.
I appreciate you always. Always.
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(Instrumental Music)
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